To hope I might be offered a seat on the train!

[Juliealpha]

On Saturday my dh and I went into London with 3 of our dc. The youngest is 5 weeks, and He was carrying her in a sling. No shortage of people,especially women willing to offer him a seat.

Today, I get on the train for a 2 hour journey, with the baby in a sling. Standing room only, not one offer.

Would rather have hopes the (female) ticket inspector might have encouraged someone to offer up a seat

I do realise I need to learn to be a bit more vocal myself, but I was so cross, it would not have been pretty.

Surely these men have mums, wives and girlfriends, it seems so disrespectful to women!

Lj8893 rise above it was directed at the posters who said she didn't deserve a seat for being admittedly foul here

I'm sorry rooty but nobody said anything to the OP to justify telling us all to "fuck of you fucking whores".

So would I if I saw them. But to be honest I sit and read and wouldn't actually see a woman on the bus with a baby strapped to her front.

I also don't have X-ray vision so wouldn't know she had stitches how on earth can it be expected for people to take that into consideration? Also depending on which way she was standing and the amount of other passengers standing people may not have seen a 5 weeks old baby in a sling. I saw one of the fabric slings once and honestly thought the woman was pregnant wearing a bandage like top, and that was from the front.

I just... I've had days where I've been in pain and just unable to open my mouth to ask for anything because I felt like it was easier to dissolve, somehow, just feeling so crap and low and undeserving but hating myself for all of it. Perhaps I recognise some of the in the OP. or am just projecting! It's hard when you're overwhelmed.

Anyway this whore's bedtime, night all

But rooty would you blame the other passengers for not recognising your pain though? I don't think you would

And I'm sorry you have the pain, it must be awful. Goodnight fellow whore

NurseyWorsey There are stickers all over trains and buses on the priority seats indicating for people to give them up for the elderly/those with difficulty standing, pregnant women and those carrying children so whether you think someone carrying a baby in a sling has no more right to a seat than you is irrelevant, priority seats are for these very people. The OP shouldn't have PM'd what she did but the tone in some of your posts made you come across pretty badly so I wouldn't be jumping on that moral high ground if I were you.

Well, I don't think you were being unreasonable to hope someone would offer you a seat. If I was alone without my children, I certainly would have done.

I have endured a horrific short notice 2.5 hour train journey with a 2 year old, couldn't get a seat and after 40 mins, my toddler just sat on the floor sobbing. The only person to offer me a seat was an elderly man which I declined because he looked like he needed a seat much more than us. Yes, we had no more right to a seat than anyone else but what's wrong with showing a bit of compassion for others?

Using public transport certainly shows you both sides to human nature. Some people are selfish shits but you also encounter some people who are blooming lovely.

!!!!!

Why do the first few posts always slate the OP? Seems to happen on every thread. If I'd had those answers straight off i too would probably have sworn.

I'm sorry no one offered you a seat. People can be inconsiderate arseholes on public transport.

So of course YANBU.

I posted ONE post before I received that message so I don't think I deserve it at all, so please do pee off with the 'moral high ground' nonsense. I didn't realise giving an opinion people don't agree with makes you open to abusive messages

And having a baby in a sling doesn't mean you need a seat. You might like one. It's completely different if you've got a toddler by your side.

I think the OP would have gotten a much better response had she not banged on about her male OP, the woman ticket inspector and the 'disrespect to women'.

The thread and my original responses was more about her apparently being disrespected and not being offered a seat 'for being a woman'

Surely a woman carrying a baby needs a seat. Depending on the age babies are heavy and more vulnerable to the usual public transport scrum. I think they are as entitled to priority seats as any other less able person. (However it is not my opinion that counts but the clearly illustrated pictures on buses etc that depict clearly a woman carrying a baby).

I don't get why people would think that offering a seat to pregnant woman would be good form but offering one to woman with a small baby in a sling unnecessary? Fair enough perhaps not for a two hour journey but for say a half hour one, bar complications aren't most women capable of standing until the last couple of weeks? The only reason I took a seat when commuting was to avoid my bump getting hurt were the train to break suddenly or being elbowed by someone in the scrum. I felt more in need of a seat when using transport with babies in a sling than I did pregnant as the pieces of cloth they had around them were considerably less protective than the walls they had around them inside.

I'm also failing to see, again until the very end of pregnancy, how you would definitively be able to identify a pregnant woman better than you could definitively identify a woman with a sling.

daisy

I acknowledged that no one was to know about the stitches. Though if I saw a woman with a tiny baby I would assume she was sore and knackered. This is empathy? but then you went on about not having x ray vision again! When what I am getting at is that to tell the OP, as you did, that if she's struggling she should stay at home is you way of dismissing entirely what she has to say, which is, where is people's consideration and compassion (this includes not being absorbed in a book, and wondering about the wellbeing of those around them) because you don't like her.

Which is fine, but fgs don't dress it up and argue with other posters on a bloody pretext.

I would give my seat up for an elderly or disabled person but not one with children. It's down to choice, I think YABU to expect it.(And entirely unreasonable with your 'whores' response)

See I wouldn't assume and woman with a tiny baby was in pain (and by the way at 5 weeks by DD wasn't tiny, she was quite a big baby). Everyone is different with their labours, deliveries and recovery.

My best friend went for a 3 mile walk 3 days postpartum and had no bother what so ever. I was still in hospital receiving treatment and in a lot of pain. I deliberately never got on public transport when I knew it would be busy until I knew I was capable of standing for the journey if need be.

I also don't think that saying to somebody that if they are struggling that much they should consider staying at home. It's sense. If you can't cope with public transport because of pain and you can't guarantee a seat because you didn't book then it should be avoided.

It was the first time I mentioned x ray vision actually. The time before I said we don't wear signs. I do not dislike to OP, I don't know her to dislike her. However her attitude is shit. I also don't think reading a book could be considered as a lack of compassion and consideration for others. I don't sit in the seats designated for parents and babies, elderly or disabled. So if someone is struggling and needs to sit down then I don't think it's unfair to expect them to speak up. I am certainly not going to scrutinise every single person that comes on in case they might need the seat I'm in.

Those things are all your prerogative. I think the world needs more awareness and generosity to oil its wheels. I would be appalled to live in a way that meant people should only do things if they were sure they could with no help whatsoever. You should think about all the help you've needed in your life.

And five weeks old is a tiny baby, fgs. Or no, you're right, the OP should have sat her in her own seat and been done with it

Sat her in her own seat? Sorry but what are you even talking about? What I meant clearly was that not all 5 week old babies are as tiny as some so people may not have realised that the child was so young and that the OP would still be suffering the after pain of birth. Some probably don't even consider the pain after birth. I know I certainly didn't until after I had DD.

I help people if/when I realise or see that someone needs it or they ask if I don't but you can't expect everyone to notice someone is struggling because as a country we are damn good at hiding it.

You'll excuse me for not caring all that much what you think about me since you don't know me. I'm not going to stop reading on the bus.

You'll excuse me for not caring blah blah blah

Classic! It's not that I expect you to care. It's more that we're on a discussion forum.

I think a discussion with you regarding this would be pointless. I'm of one opinion, you are of another.

And I don't care if you think I'm dismissive, uncaring, have no consideration or compassion. It doesn't really register on my radar.

This whore is signing out, got a bus to catch and a book to read.

Regardless of birth pain etc here is the criteria for priority seating on trains defined as people with disabilities, expectant mothers, elderly passengers and those carrying infants. So whoever was sitting in one of those seats should have got up and offered it to OP unless they were disabled, pregnant, elderly or carrying a baby/child themselves.

Thanks for the injection of sense Kelly