Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope I might be offered a seat on the train!

98 replies

Juliealpha · 19/03/2014 16:48

On Saturday my dh and I went into London with 3 of our dc. The youngest is 5 weeks, and He was carrying her in a sling. No shortage of people,especially women willing to offer him a seat.

Today, I get on the train for a 2 hour journey, with the baby in a sling. Standing room only, not one offer.

Would rather have hopes the (female) ticket inspector might have encouraged someone to offer up a seat

I do realise I need to learn to be a bit more vocal myself, but I was so cross, it would not have been pretty.

Surely these men have mums, wives and girlfriends, it seems so disrespectful to women!

OP posts:
JodieGarberJacob · 19/03/2014 18:57

Right. I've just looked at a couple of op's recent threads and realise that she is not in a particularly good place at the moment. Maybe overreacting to comments is something I might do myself if I felt unhappy generally. Hope things improve op.

VenusDeWillendorf · 19/03/2014 18:58

Hey, let's be kind to each other.
Sore nipples, stitches and breast feeding - I did all these things sitting on my sofa, for hours in my PJs. I didn't have to get on a train with a babe in a sling.

Sounds like OP is on her last legs, and maybe has a bit of exhaustion / anaemia possible PND thrown in.

It's easy to be wrapped up in your own thoughts when you're not feeling great.

Wen I'm on the tube, and dying to sit, I always think that fellow passengers are also tired, and we have to rub along as best we can... Some people have kidney stones, some are going through IVF or biopsies, or are having a divorce. We have to be kind when using limited shared resources.

Chin up OP, and hope you get some sleep/ rest soon.

If you're feeling murderous though, I'd contact your GP as you might have hormonal depression (PND)

Smilesandpiles · 19/03/2014 19:01

Who goes onto a train with a small baby and children without booking seats?

MissingTheMountain · 19/03/2014 19:03

If you go on a rush hour train, you won't get a seat. Plan it that way, and be thrilled if you do.

There are enough people with baby on board badges at the moment that they'd take up all the seats and then some. Then there are people with disabilities, and people who are tired or unwell.

It'd be a better use of time to put pressure on train companies to use bigger trains.

Fluffyears · 19/03/2014 19:59

I hate seat nazi's. My dad had MS and some woman gave him grief for not giving her his seat. He told her he wasn't fit enough to give up his seat and she said 'it's not my fault you've been drinking!' Shock he was stone cold sober and had his two walking sticks with him. So you can't always tell if there is a reason a person doesn't give up a seat for you, at rush hour it's simply luck!

NurseyWursey · 19/03/2014 20:01

I hate seat nazi's

Be careful! I've just said in another thread (the how have you offended someone on mumsnet one), I once got a verbal battering for saying 'grammar nazi' Wink

SaucyJack · 19/03/2014 20:21

On the Brighton-London trains "passengers carrying infants" are clearly listed as a group entitled to use the priority seats.

PatrickStarisabadbellend · 19/03/2014 20:24

I'm a random fainter. No way would I give up a seat for anyone no matter what. Last time I did I hit the deck and broke my nose.

Papaluigi · 19/03/2014 20:26

I suspect its as much good old British reserve as anythings else stopping ppl offering the seat, which trumps all 'ism' issues known to humanity. I bet there was people sitting there wringing their hands wondering if it was polite, rude, would be seen as excessively flamboyant, uncool, not done etc etc, and of course the ever reliable 'someone else will do it'.

FudgefaceMcZ · 19/03/2014 20:35

YANBU of course, it's only the misogynists on here who have come out to troll you, ignore. It is symptomatic of the way that dads doing anything at all with kids are treated as heroes, whereas women on their own with kids are assumed to be 'feckless single mothers' and thus ignored or punished by this kind of treatment. It's pretty obvious that it was sexism on the part of the other passengers since they did offer your male partner a seat, how on earth anyone has twisted this into you being sexist is bizarre.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/03/2014 20:35

Not convinced op needs to try that hard to find her more vocal side. Hilarious!

NurseyWursey · 19/03/2014 20:37

fudgeface

REALLY? How do you know that those particular passengers on that particular day would have given the male a seat? You don't. So stop talking crap. In fact women are more likely to be given a seat than a man.

gordyslovesheep · 19/03/2014 20:38

oh dear - yanbu to think you might get a seat - yabu to expect one - ask or book in advance :)

gordyslovesheep · 19/03/2014 20:40

this

To hope I might be offered a seat on the train!
NurseyWursey · 19/03/2014 20:40

Gordy hahah!!

daisy0chain · 19/03/2014 20:42

How the hell were the people on the train meant to know about stitches? Confused we don't wear signs. And to be honest, if I see someone walking like John Wayne I assume they are a lucky cow and had a bloody good night last night not that they have had to have their perineum stitched to within an inch of it's life.

Truthfully if you are struggling that much with the outside world atm you should probably consider staying at home.

rootypig · 19/03/2014 21:08

Christ. Why does it pain people to much to say someone in pain with a tiny baby should have a seat? She doesn't have to stay at home ffs. I have a chronic pain condition. Should I stay at home too? Where on earth is people's sympathy, is life really so grindingly hard that people are bitter enough to rail a woman who has just given birth can't sit down??

And before you all tear into me about people not knowing she had stitches - that is not the reason she's being castigated, it's on the principle of the thing (or lack of Hmm) and her own expectations. Plus she was carrying a presumably visible baby, she should have sat to mitigate the risk of falling.

daisy0chain · 19/03/2014 21:14

No just one that calls everyone whores...

NurseyWursey · 19/03/2014 21:17

No I really don't think a woman with a baby has more right to sit down than anyone else - I just don't. As for her pain, and yes this is relevant, unfortunately people aren't mind readers. Had she mentioned her pain to one of the passengers and someone had refused, I would be giving a different answer.

And yes, being called a whore and receiving a PM saying I'm a bitch doesn't help matters.

shakinstevenslovechild · 19/03/2014 21:19

rooty the op had options available, she could have booked a seat in advance or she could have spoken up and asked politely for a seat.

She stood there assuming someone would give her a seat or that the ticket inspector would tell someone to shift for her, and got more and more pissed off because nobody read her mind.

Calling everyone on the thread whores has probably made people less sympathetic towards her though (which is also her own fault)

rootypig · 19/03/2014 21:21

Rise above it!

NurseyWursey · 19/03/2014 21:23

'Rising above it' is more often than not cliche, and always more frustrating.

Lj8893 · 19/03/2014 21:25

I would say everyone has risen above it rooty. Nobody abused the OP back.

shakinstevenslovechild · 19/03/2014 21:25

Rise above it!

This is exactly what the op should have done. Good advice there rooty Smile

rootypig · 19/03/2014 21:27

She's a human being shakin! She found herself in a situation she struggled with and came here for some sympathy misguided. The abusive PMs are awful and shouldn't be tolerated, but my response is still that she sounds as though she's really having a hard time. And I still think people carrying children should be offered a seat by someone more able to stand. I am arthritic, but young, and would give my seat to someone with a baby any day of the week.