AIBU in hating...

[TiggyCBE]

...everything in the list below?

I thought I'd get everything out in one thread.

-Dresses with only one arm. You see them at award ceremonies and stuff but they look silly. I think of them as bowling dresses because the only practical point I can see to them is that it must help your bowling to have your bowling arm unencumbered by sleeve.

-People who walk too slowly. Just get out of my way! I've got stuff to do!

-People who walk to quickly. Calm down and stop jostling past me. I don't care if you've got stuff to do!

-People who start an answer to your question by sucking air through their teeth in an attempt to make it seem like their response will be truly earth shattering.

-People who think of animals as their babies. Even worse are those that dress them up in human like clothes. Get a grip women! (And I do mean women because it is only women who put bonnets on cats)

-Decorated cars. They look shit. If a VW Beetle looked so great red with black ladybird spots and eyelashes then VW would make them like that. They don't because they look shit. You're not being wacky, you're being a twerp.

-Kitchen utensil drawer. Why are they made to jam shut? Why is that thought of as a useful feature?

-Idiots that take pride in not being able to function. "I can't use a computer!" "I always avoid those self checkouts!" "It took me 5 days to put together an IKEA spoon rack!". It's a bad thing that you can't do it, not good.

-Netmums. Humourless establishment prissy doily-using maiden aunts.

-Precocious children. Yeah, but can you drive? Can you? Can you? No! because you're a child!

-Ian Hisplop/Jeremy Hardy/etc. Every silver lining has a cloud. Negative negative negative. They say everything is crap and if it's not (Olympics for example) it's quietly forgotten. If a scientist were to find a cure for cancer, they would bang on about how the scientist once got a parking ticket, "Shamed drug scientist" they would call him. And if they know everything about how to run things to make the world a better place, why don't they?

-Comedians who talk about the royal family being "German". Very lazy and xenophobic. Her family came here over 300 years ago but they're still German?

-Orange juice with "Bits". Unless they specify what the bit are I'm not drinking it. Would you eat pasta that was advertised as containing "Things"?

People who say that everything was better in the old days. Actually, I think you'll find that before the 1970s at least 50% of children were shoved up chimneys or down t'pit where they died of cholera, polio, mal-de-mare, plague, dynasty, smallpox and elfshot. Now that sort of thing doesn't happen in the South of England.

I should probably have a rest now for a bit.

sazzle you beat me to it!

This is why I should RTFT

As a corollary to cake flapping may I please add - those utter twats that cut a doughnut, or similar single serving pastry, into halves or quarters because 'Ooooh no, I really shouldn't. I'll have a half'. Fuck You.
Guess what? You do not own a magic knife that removes calories, you will eat the whole fucking thing, probably more than one, so why cut it up so a squashed, crusty doughnut is left festering on the plate. It means anyone coming in when the ganets (you) have been in can't have one because there's just a fucking HALF left. Do you know the best way to control calories? It's not having the same amount of food cut up but to stop shoving it in your fucking face. [I am fat - because I ate too much and did bugger all exercise. Now I am swapping that equation, it's working & I'm glad but it does not remove the rage at stupid wittering about 'my new great diet, I can eat anything I want as long as I shove a spoon up my arse first' or 'I'm doing Atkins' - no, eating the burger from a McDonald's but discarding the bun and salad is not a fucking diet]

Pointless tasks - I cannot restock a med shelf when anything has run out because the receptionists must, we are too busy to be responsible for it and yes that can be true. So why does that mean I have to go to a drawer next to the stock I need to get a sticker that says 'restock ' and then walk away from the stuff I need to stick it on the shelf? Then I need to go and ask reception anyway because I need it NOW and they haven't seen the fucking stupid fucking sticker anyway. Who the fuck thought up that bollocks? Why can't I just say 'Carol I've taken a box of Metronidazole, we're out' ? Because I have to go into reception, past 'Carol' to get my drug labels because reception should do the discharge packs but they can't dispense. Management are clearly spending all day huffing the blasted aerosol dettol while they eat their half a doughnut.

Spag Bol, yum yum vrtra

That last should say 'I have to go to reception because they have a label printer and we don't'. My example is specific but pointless tasks are the bugbear.
I saw a little shelf clip in a supermarket warning staff that the width of a product space was incorrect. So label sticker why didn't you shove the stuff over half an inch while you were stood right there in front of it? Instead you stuck your sticker on then some other poor sod had to make a special job of going down that aisle to just shove some tins. Madness.

Herbal tea, nonalcoholic cocktails, low fat/low sugar anything. Give me a fucking cup of tea and a massive bun! And some gin!
Cropped trousers. I don't want cold ankles you fuckers.
Parents whose toddlers sleep through the night, eat all healthy food without complaint, have no tantrums and don't ever get messy or dirty. If all this is true then people please, keep it to yourself.
People who tell me I'm looking amazing because they've miscalculated the age of my kid and don't realise there's nothing remarkable about losing most all of your baby weight two years after the birth.

-Orange juice with "Bits". Unless they specify what the bit are I'm not drinking it. Would you eat pasta that was advertised as containing "Things"?

This made me snort tea!

Other half - I am a whole person. Then again maybe you aren't.

Yoghurt with lumps of slimy fruit in it. Boak.

Genderised toys. What place has pink Lego in a civilised society.

Things that seem cheap/on special offer that are just smaller packages (Poundshop good for this).
My latest annoyance is Nouvelle loo roll in Tescos. 18 rolls for the price of 9. Nouvelle usually are bigger rolls - they have thinner inner tubes -but not these ones - I think I just got 9 normal nouvelle rolls worth of loo roll - not only do I feel like I've been ripped off but I have to put a new roll on the holder more often too
(Actually this annoyed me more because I'd just ordered 60 recycled loo roll through the food coop I'm a member of - have to buy in bulk - then saw this on special offer and thought I should take advantage...)

Lace up boots - with a zip on the side (Clarks - I'm looking at you) I hate zips on boots - they break, your boots are knackered ...I WANT lace ups...I loved your 'marg kate' boots - but now you've stuck a zip on the side and called them 'moody cute' - they aren't cute but they do make me moody!

Actually any shop that stops selling things that you buy regularly/have struggled to find - like school trousers for teenager DD1 - in Aug - days of arguments, trying on hundreds of school trousers, find some that fit and we can both agree on in Asda - try to buy the next size up in January and they don't do that style anymore - WTF?
Clear 80% acetic acid - from cash and carry - (for making fake vinegar in chippies) Just need to dilute it,fantastic for cleaning, last ages and ages ...go back and they only do one with brown colouring in...impossible to buy clear anywhere...if I'd never discovered it and just used vinegar fine -but why let me discover that I love something and then not let me buy it anymore?

And breathe

There's nothing wrong with cute eyelashes on a cute car like a Fiat 500(I have the car but not the eyelashes)

However all "baby on board" signs and variations thereof make me want to tailgate the driver and overtake dangerously(I don't but I do seethe)

Oh and joggers who simply cannot stop their run just because the traffic light is green and obviously it gives me an opportunity to test the brakes on my Fiat 500. You know to be honest, all joggers.

Oh and people like poster above whinging about pink lego. I don't have pink lego but it sounds lovely- why should there not be pink lego. Why is it gendered because it's pink? Who you give it to is up to you.

Camping. Sleeping bags. Fields. Shitting in the woods. Cooking food out of a tin on a throw away BBQ. Hell on earth.

I refuse to pay to live in conditions worse than my own home and call it a holiday.

Ugh.

The fact that there are only two trains an hour out of my town and they are 15 minutes apart. This annoys me intensely. Why not every 30 minutes? If I miss the 10.15 the next one is 11. Then 11.15. WHY?!

Tiggy and Corus A sentence should never start with "but" or "and" unless it is being used for dramatic effect.

I love this thread

• People smoking as they walk down the street. I don't want to be forced into inhaling your revolting fumes just because I have the misfortune to be walking behind you, you selfish twat.

• People saying 'pacific' rather than 'specific'. It causes me physical pain, particularly when it comes from the MBA educated woman I work with. She surely knows better?!

• Little brats. Don't tell me where I can and can't sit/who I can't speak to/why you don't like my shoes you little shit, you're 5!

• Cars made up of all different coloured panels. Owners of such, you are not wacky or eccentric, you are to be avoided because no sane person buys these monstrosities.

• Men at work who can't handle being told what to do by a woman. I wasn't asking for your opinion on whether you should do it or not, I was simply telling you to do it you egotistical wanker.

Aaaaah, that felt good

Tiggy your comment about the pandas! ha ha , they do expect everyone to run around and do things for them.......I'll do it though!!, they're SOOOOoooo cute (love them)! .

Mine are:

Adverts about how wonderful agonising periods are!, they're NOT!

Children who are allowed to run around in restaurants screaming!

When you are somewhere all lovely peaceful and quiet until ONE person comes in and creates a load of din!, also why (when you are in somewhere the length of a football field) do they choose to sit right next to you??

People who think adopting a child is inferior to having a biological one-it's not!

I agree with McFox about smoking too, sick of breathing in other people's muck!

Bought and brought - using the wrong word. As in "my mum took me to the shop and brought me an apple." grrrrrr when she buys something it's BOUGHT!

There, their and they're - it's not difficult to pick the correct one.

Over there.
Their belongings.
They're at the zoo.

Surely it's not too much to ask to use the correct word.

People who get back into their cars after paying for petrol and then take ages to drive off, completely oblivious to the queue behind them.
Non-alcoholic wine. What's the point? If I want a soft drink I'd prefer one that didn't taste of cat's piss.
Herbal teas
And don't get me started on homeopathic "remedies"

Fucking, fucking, FUCKING scooters in shops. I am so fed up of having to flatten myself against the tins of beans because some brat is careering down the aisle on a scooter. Usually with a parent ineffectually trailing behind with a muffled and weary call of "Slow down". Once a kid scooted full impact into my Achilles' tendon in Waitrose. She was old enough to apologise, but she didn't. And neither did her mum, who looked aghast that I should be taking up her child's scooting space.

And breathe...

I also get really flustered with the double use of acronyms such as "DS doesn't like our GPs so I take him to see his GP and while he's there he plays on his DS." Whilst reading posts, my mind is desperately whirring, trying to work out whether the poster means breast-feeding, Best Friend, boyfriend, Big Fucker etc. I'm not an acronym fan.

My hands turn to claws when people say things like "totes emosh". Sorry, I think you forgot some syllables. Oh, you're being a quirky hipster? My mistake. It just sounds like you're totes illits.

If it were such a good opinion I would have it

OP I think that's frankly one of the best sentences I've ever read. I'm itching to contact one of those sellers on Not on The High street that make customised prints with words that are meaningful to you, and get them to print that for me in a pretty font.

Betty is a cardigan without buttons not called a jumper?

When people say nom nom nom when scoffing.

I find it as offensive as chewing with your mouth open.

I also DETEST guests with no manners. You know the ones I mean, you've slaved all day cooking for a lovely dinner party, before you've have even parked your arse on the chair, they have already dished themselves up a huge plate of food with no consideration for others. If there are 4 of us and I've placed a dish of 8 items on the table, DONT TAKE THREE YOU FUCKWIT!
Similarly, don't take the largest of everything and don't start your meal unless we've all been dished up or the host has given you the go ahead.

I learnt my lesson, I now dish up and take it to them.

Oh and lastly, if I'm invited to a BBQ where you have to bring your own meat (in two minds about this). Please don't help yourself to my yummy steak/homemade burger/posh sausages when all you have contributed is some shitty 2p sausages made from swine foreskins.