aibu regarding the amount of chocolate mil gives or am I being mean?

[mummyof2boys257]

We go for dinner at mil once a week
She picks US all up from ds school and on the way she will give 4 or 5 biscuits such as areas. All fine

Dinner about 5

When I'm feeding the baby about 6/6:30 she sneakily gets the chocolates out now I dont mind him having treats but I think it's too much
She gives him practically a whole bag of family size chocolate milky buttons/malteaers etc

Last week ds told me he felt sick once we had got home
This week I got hold of the bag and tipped what I thought was an appropriate amount into a bowl

Ds told me thanks for nicking some, but I overheard her telling dp I am a spoilsport it's just a bit of chocolate

Im just worried for hes health I feel that is far far to much and I have told her on many occasions to plZ not give him quite so much, I also feel my wishes as a mother are not being respected

My son is very stocky, was a very large baby, and dp and hea sister are slightly overweight which may add to my worries!

So mumsnetters am I being a big meany or should I stick to my guns?

Sorry about spelling am on phone and my autocorrect had gone mad!

Its too much, especially every week. You'd be a spoilsport eg at easter to not allow a larger treat. You are not a meany at all. I would be happy with the 4/5 biscuits after school either.

One mini treat sized choc (like 25g worth). I have had to deal with this from my mother in law - get protests like - but I like to treat them. My response is - please treat them with your time and love (ie play with them) and not with sugary treats.

Mil isn't Eastern European is she? Both my late grandfather in law and my friend's fil were and what they had in common was an enthusiasm for giving the grandchildren as much chocolate etc as they possibly could. My friend was in despair when they were staying with her once and were sneaking her toddler full size kit kats behind her back.

No shes British
Funny u said that actually as my friend had to wrestle a milkshake she handed her dd out of her hands (shes lactose intolerant) and was very unhappy

Thanks I do feel it's way too much I dont mind treats but this is taking the piss
She also taught him to lie about it she gives him hugs and stuffs chocolate in hes pockets and tells him not to tell me
I'm getting to the point I'm gonna consisted stopping going for dinner but dont want to do this as my ds adores her, but he is a complete mummys boy so wont sleep the night and she has told do on more than one occasion that she thinks this is my fault and I must be telling him hes not aloud do, I'm not hes just a homebody who likes hes own bed

Easy solution, let him sit on her seat and vomit all over it.

YANBU but it won't be long before shit loads of people pile in saying yabu because its not crack or some other such nonsense

I'd put a stop to it. Starting with the 5 biscuits.

YANBU it's too much for anybody regularly, adult and especially child.

What does your DH think?

YANBU, the choc and biscuits would be way more than I'd be comfortable with. But more worrying than that, to me, is that she is telling your son to lie to you! Utterly unacceptable, no matter what it's about.

As it's MIL, it should really be your DH/DP's place to speak to her. What does he think of all this?

Teach your son to say "I have had enough" or just to stop eating when he is full. He doesn't have to eat it all.

The amounts being given are daft no doubt about that but the best solution alongside talking to her is to encourage your son to learn self control

The lying bit is really worrying. I think the volume of biscuits/chocolates is also too much. Especially on top of one another.

What does she say when you ask her to rein it in?

Ive told her on so many occasions not to do it, when I catch her giving them I would usually take them off her and give him an appropriate amount

She just laughs when I tell her it's too much it's so annoying! What she does is wait until I'm not looking and then shoves handfuls in hes mouth or like I said earlier waits till I'm feeding baby so I'm distracted she never does it when I'm looking so its very hard to control it. When I have seen it I just take the chocolate off him and she just said oh isn't mummy mean look shes telling me off

I'm just very annoyed at the complete lack of respect really hes my child and I'm concered about hes health I'm not a meany, I'm all for treats but in moderation
Im seriously considering putting a stop to the weekly visits if this carries on
In regards to the self control its a working progress but hes only 4 so he gets a bit
oconfused with me telling him one thing and nan telling him another
Thanks ladies I was half convinced I was gonna get pages and pages if yabu!

Wow. She actually has no idea how to be a grandparent, does she?

Try and get across to her that there is no way on this earth you will be letting DS stay overnight with her (assuming he ever wants to, I know you said he's not keen right now) until you feel you can trust her to look after him properly. I wouldn't make that all about chocolates specifically - grandparents do get to spoil grandkids when their parents aren't around, it's the way of the world and quite harmless if infrequent - it's more that she shows very clear disrespect for your wishes as a parent, and a worrying focus on (literally) shoving sweets down his throat at all times. In such circumstances, I wouldn't feel able to trust her on bigger matters such as keeping appropriate bedtimes, behaviour management etc.

You haven't said what your DP makes of all this? What are his views? Does he support you in this matter? If so, he should be taking the lead in talking to MIL. If not, you've got bigger problems...