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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First wedding anniversary.

31 replies

Germgirl · 18/03/2014 11:00

Ok I know I'm BU and probably horribly grabby and mean and spoilt and all those other things.
But.
It's our first wedding anniversary in April. The paper one. I have ordered DH a personalized paper cut thingy with our wedding date & location, our names etc on it. It's £120.
DH has been looking increasingly worried for the past few weeks about what to buy me. By his own admission he's crap with presents. So yesterday he said 'do I really have to buy a present? I can't think of anything, what do you want?'
I don't really want anything, I want him to think about me & get something, I don't care how much it costs.
I said that he could buy me something when we go on holiday in May but then I felt all sad that he can't be bothered to try to think of something.
Am I BU? I know I am. But I just feel a bit sad. Silly I know. Hmm

OP posts:
GinSoakedMisery · 18/03/2014 11:03

YABalittlebitU

Is he under pressure because he has to get you something paper orientated?

Wedding anniversary gifts are naff anyway. Why not suggest he takes you somewhere for a nice meal and night out?

Original poster
Germgirl · 18/03/2014 11:08

I know I'm being U. I'm horrible sometimes. I'm not bothered if it's a 'paper' gift or not. In fact I did say I'd like a big print of the Las Vegas sign (we got married in Vegas) to go in the living room but he just huffed at that.
I don't really like going out. I know. Odd Smile

OP posts:
Minimou · 18/03/2014 11:09

Some people are just really rubbish at present buying because they aren't imaginative and just can't think of anything. On the other hand some people are hard to buy for because they are extremely picky or have very high expectations. Couldn't you just give the poor guy some clues? A paper present could be
-a book
-a ticket to a gig
-a voucher for a massage
depending on what you are into. Could you give him some ideas about the kind of things you might like? And then he could still surprise you with what he gets. He seems to want to please you, but just doesn't know how.

DrDre · 18/03/2014 11:10

Why can't you just buy each other cards? That's what we do! The culture of always getting presents for these kind of occasions (mothers day, fathers day, wedding anniversaries etc) is bonkers and materialistic. Just keep it simple.

Writerwannabe83 · 18/03/2014 11:13

Me and DH just had our First Wedding Anniversary and we didn't even get each other a card Smile

He presented me with a Terry's Chocolate Orange though as he knows they're my current favourite thing to eat. I was more than happy with this as my 'gift'.

We have more important things to spend our money on than cards and gifts just because we have been married a year.

Don't put too much emphasis/pressure on him - some people are just rubbish at buying presents especially men at times Grin

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 18/03/2014 11:21

Dh and I just get a gift for the house! A new carpet, a tv, new wardrobes etc. It's what my parents did and what their parents did! Dh thought it was a fab idea as he didn't have to worry about buying a gift (he's a little lacking in the imagination department!)

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/03/2014 11:29

I think we got each other cards and went for a meal when he had a baby sitter.

I agree a bit of thought is nice. You spent £120?? Does he know you've spent that much and is worried about what on earth to buy you?

ViviPru · 18/03/2014 11:33

Are you in the US? Isn't it paper in the UK? (It's my 1st year anniversary in May, now I'm confused)

Fresh01 · 18/03/2014 12:45

We are the same as cbeebies. We get each other a card and then buy something joint for the house. A picture one year, another was patio table, another a new BBQ.

My DH has his birthday, father day and our wedding anniversary in the one month. I am usually not to bad for present ideas but I struggle with 3 in a month. It is hard especially when kids are young and you have to think of things from them too.

ArsePaste · 18/03/2014 12:45

The OP does say paper.

I got my husband a print out of one of the lyrics of the songs we played during the ceremony as his first anniversary present, even with a graphic designer involved it cost less than 50. He got me a watercolour of the wedding venue. Very sweet, and again, very cheap.

Original poster
Germgirl · 18/03/2014 13:46

ArsePaste. Those are lovely presents. Like I said, I suggested the Vegas print because we got married there but he didn't seem keen.
He does know I spent that much. Now he thinks he has to spend the same. But it's absolutely not about the money.
I make cards so I'll make his & he said he'll make me one.
I'm being grabby. I must stop.

OP posts:
ButternutSquish · 18/03/2014 17:26

It's our 1st wedding anniversary on Monday and I didn't think we were doing presents. My parents never did so never though of it. He just happened to say he'd ordered my present online so now I'm panicing!

I'm looking at getting tickets to a gig although he has very different musical tastes to me. Kylie goes on sale on Friday and if we don't get tickets I do have a back up in Lady Gaga or Katy Perry.....

FutTheShuckUp · 18/03/2014 17:58

How do you buy someone a paper cut? Dont you just get them from doing shredding/filing

Original poster
Germgirl · 18/03/2014 18:36

Fut. it's this. Papercut thingy

OP posts:
Sicaq · 18/03/2014 18:41

You're not being grabby; there are a few martyrs on MN who like to say that anyone expecting a little, y"know, kind gesture from their partner is being "grabby".

It would not kill him to think of his own kind gesture.

AmandaTanen · 18/03/2014 19:00

That's a lovely gift but my DH wouldn't appreciate it at all, it's probably something that I would buy for a keepsake but not a gift IYKWIM. We did a card and dinner on our first anniversary.

Musicaltheatremum · 18/03/2014 19:44

What about an eternity ring. ??

BeaLola · 18/03/2014 20:03

OP I totally get it. But you need to get that your partner doesnt. My DH is the same ... He is an only child and he was brought up not celebrating birthdays that much and certainly not anniversaries or Mothers/Fathers Day. I have got used to it. I never ever get an anniversary gift. That said I get tea in bed at weekends on a very regular basis and breakfast too. He is also great at buying flowers when he does supermarket run and overall prettygood at buying me birthday and christmas gifts. For our first anniversary he looked horrified that we would buy presents for each other ... We go out for a meal always. Therefore on our first anniversary I bought a present to clelebrate .... a lovely mirror for our downstairs loo. In subsequent years I have bought either something for the house or the garden and I no longer get miffed by it.

KonkeyDong · 18/03/2014 20:47

YABVU

I honestly don't get anniversaries though, and DH has to prompt me to get a card Blush

gamerchick · 18/03/2014 21:22

Yanno no..just no. I'm In no way precious about presents for Christmas and birthdays, but my wedding anniversary I like the traditions.

There's no excuse.. We all have Google and if it's important to you then he can do some tapping for ideas.

It's not hard!

edwinbear · 18/03/2014 21:32

The fact he is so worried about it speaks volumes. Anniversary presents, when you are limited to a specific medium are hard, they put you on the spot. dh and I celebrate 10 yrs this year. Some years, I have had a brain wave, ie 1st year I bought him an F1 race ticket signed by Ayrton Senna as he is a big F1 fan, he bought me a book on origami Grin. Then there was the year I got stuck with wood so bought him a box and put an Ipod in it = cheating - he bought me a beautiful trunk. On the years I do the better job, I just feel a bit smug!

Original poster
Germgirl · 19/03/2014 06:46

I think he will like the paper thing, I've made similar things (nowhere near as complicated) & he likes those.
He woke up at 5am and the first thing he said was 'what shall I do about your present?' I felt terrible!
We talked again about the Vegas print but he said he couldn't find a really nice one. So we looked through our honeymoon photos & found a lovely one there that he's going to try to have made into a print.
I feel awful for making him feel bad & I had said not to buy anything but hopefully now there's a solution & we'll get a nice picture for the wall & also know that we took the photo ourselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Germgirl · 19/03/2014 14:30

Oh dear. More panicking Smile apparently the picture we like isn't a big enough file size to be blown up into a big canvas.
He's just phoned me in a state Smile
So I said we'll buy a Vegas print when we go to Vegas in May & have it shipped home. Relieved husband Grin
Poor man. He really is awful at presents. In a few years time I'm going to be one of those ladies who gets told 'get yourself something nice & I'll give you the money' like in a 1970s sitcom.
But in every other way he's wonderful. So it doesn't matter

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/03/2014 14:38

This isn't an implied criticism of you but I feel really sorry for him now.

Original poster
Germgirl · 19/03/2014 15:07

Why sooty?

OP posts: