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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my baby naked on youtube?

24 replies

Fairy1303 · 17/03/2014 23:02

BIL (although me and DH are now separated, if that's relevant) is a freelance 'filmaker' (he fucks about a lot with reasonable short films, sticks them on youtube etc, doesn't earn a living wage from it)
he has asked to put DS (8 months), show it at a film festival and stick it on youtube.

I felt uncomfortable about the youtube thing, but decided I was being a bit prissy, wanted to help him so agreed to it. It's now two days before, all arranged, I text to ask what he wanted him to wear, he said, no worries, just want to film him in his nappy.

I am not happy with this at all, just feels like a no no to me and so I said no.
I swear to you I'm not normally a pearl clutching peado on every corner type but this just doesn't feel comfortable for me - putting it youtube, such a massive forum...

BIL now giving me a (midly) hard time.

AIBU?
My baby my rules right?
Please tell me if IABU... I can't really pinpoint why it makes me so uneasy, it just doesm

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 17/03/2014 23:04

'Lol, no chance mate. If you want to put a naked baby on you tube then best get one of your own'.

Would be my response. And I'd refuse to discuss it again.

TheSydenhamSet · 17/03/2014 23:04

No way would I be happy with butt naked but then I read further down your post that he'd be wearing a nappy.
I won't say you're being unreasonable though as it's your baby and don't do it if you feel uneasy.

TrinityRhino · 17/03/2014 23:06

your baby, your choice

he shouldn't be giving you a hard time
(however mildly)

ByTheWishingWell · 17/03/2014 23:06

I wouldn't mind people seeing my baby in a nappy at all. But it's your baby, and you're not at all unreasonable to say no if you're uncomfortable with it.

Forgettable · 17/03/2014 23:07

Yanbu

He can naff orf. You could say you said Yes when you were distracted with marital issues and now, in calmer times, you have reflected and thus changed mind. It would take a hard nosed person to ignore reason for change of mind spelled out like that. Then block/delete from phone email fb. Hah.

akachan · 17/03/2014 23:08

I don't see the difference between a baby in clothes and in a nappy really. Neither is offensive, arguably both have privacy issues. You obviously can say no though.

WonderBarbara · 17/03/2014 23:08

I wouldn't be happy with it to be honest, Facebook maybe,( but only a maybe) YouTube, no chance.
Could you suggest he wears a vest or babygro instead?

PansOnFire · 17/03/2014 23:08

YANBU, tell BIL that he'll have to compromise or it doesn't happen. Absolutely "my baby, my rules" on this occasion, if you're not completely comfortable then don't do it.

Chloerose75 · 17/03/2014 23:10

I would say no just as this sounds a really odd thing for him to want to do. And maybe I am not artistic but how is filming a random baby film festival worthy?? No offensive to your ds who I am sure is very lovely, but you know what I mean! Your BIL sounds a right chancer.

Original poster
Fairy1303 · 17/03/2014 23:13

chloerose - no offence at all - I mean DS is obviously the cutest thing ever but pretty boring - hence I say he 'fucks about' ;).

It's a small bit as part of a 'dream sequence' Aparently Hmm

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/03/2014 05:47

In a nappy is not naked. Wonder whether anyone's actually going to see this film anyway.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 18/03/2014 06:00

Do you think he wants you to put your DS in just a nappy so that he can take the nappy off for the filming? I'd say no and I'd want to know more about the whole thing.

Cooroo · 18/03/2014 06:08

Yanbu but I'd have loved my baby in a film, esp a dream sequence! Have no problem with nappies.

Booboostoo · 18/03/2014 06:53

If you were happy for BIL to do his film with your DS fully dressed I don't see what your problem is with the nappy. I would either not want to bother with the whole thing at all (waste of time, possibly annoying for young child), or let him film DS in whatever clothes/nappies/swimsuit he wants.

Original poster
Fairy1303 · 18/03/2014 06:59

To be honest I wasn't really happy for him to be filmed in the first place, because youtube is just completely open access etc - but I had a stern word with myself for being ridiculous and wanted to help BIL with his project. But now it feels too far.

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 18/03/2014 07:03

OK if you were never happy you should have just declined in the first place. Is this last minute for your BIL? Will he be able to find another baby for his film?

Personally I don't understand this privacy worry about YouTube etc with babies. I have uploaded loads of videos of DD, dressed and naked, on YouTube for relatives abroad to see (in fact it was YouTube that started rejecting some of the naked videos as she got to the toddler stage which I found weird but fair enough). DD runs around naked all the time, I expect she'll want to be naked at the beach this year (3yo), all of which I find perfectly normal. But it's your baby so your choice - it just would have been better had you told BIL straight off.

Original poster
Fairy1303 · 18/03/2014 07:07

I did - he was last minute in asking (sunday, wants to film on thursday), told him I was unsure, got more info, agreed, then yesterday found out about nappy thing and said straight out I wasn't happy.

Also, he's just a bit scatty and disorganised generally, I can well see DS sat around for ages amongst bloody flower pots!!

OP posts:
Funnyfoot · 18/03/2014 07:13

YABU

He's in a nappy. Not naked. Your title is misleading OP.

Truth is you didn't want your baby to do this in the first place but now you have said yes. To get the YANBU on here you have thrown in the naked bit which is exactly true just to "sway" the vote.

If you don't want your baby filmed then say no. Apologise for wasting his time but say on reflection you are not comfortable with it. End of.

Roseandmabelshouse · 18/03/2014 07:26

I wouldn't want my baby on any public domain - not even Facebook when he is born.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/03/2014 07:48

Just say no. I wouldent want my baby out there for anyone to see

LokiDokey · 18/03/2014 08:34

I wouldent want my baby out there for anyone to see

Sorry Aeroflotgirl just picking up on that, but an indie film from an unknown user on Youtube is likely to pick up a hell of a lot less views than you pushing your baby around Tesco of a Tuesday afternoon.

It's up to you as his parent but I agree, the title is misleading and on that YABU as a nappy isn't naked.

SoonToBeSix · 18/03/2014 08:40

Yanbu if your tittle and op said the same thing but he isnt going to be naked is he? He would be wearing a nappy so totally different.

DoJo · 18/03/2014 09:17

I wouldn't be happy with it to be honest, Facebook maybe,( but only a maybe) YouTube, no chance.

I can't really see the distinction - if anything Youtube is better as the baby is not linked to a person and the details of their lives, just out there without much context (unless the film will mention all your friends, family members and other personal details from your life!).

TheBody · 18/03/2014 09:22

well he's not naked is he so your post makes no sense.

there's such a load of endless crap on u tube anyway it will be lost amongst millions of others.

still if you don't want him in there say so.

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