...to think this is a bit cheeky or do I need to relax a bit?

[NotActuallyAMum]

A work colleague of mine did me a favour recently – saved us about £50 – so as a thank you I offered him a couple of nights in our static caravan. I said that if he goes straight there after work on a Friday he’ll be there by about half 6 then if he leaves around the same time on Sunday he’ll have 2 full days there. I warned him that we wouldn’t be moving our belongings out of the way because there’ll still be plenty of room for the two of them. He took me up on the offer, which I was pleased about – I wanted to return the favour

I’ve just seen that he’s booked the Friday and Monday of that weekend off work, presumably to spend 4 nights at our caravan instead of the 2 that I offered. Additionally, someone else who works here sees a lot of this person out of work – the two of them and their wives spend a lot of time together and I’ve noticed that he has also booked the Friday and Monday off work, making me think that they are planning on going too

I could be wrong of course but it seems too much of a coincidence for there to be any other explanation. Isn’t this a bit cheeky?

Primalass really? You honestly can't understand why someone might not want 2 strangers staying in her caravan without being asked?

No, not really. I think it's all a bit prescriptive and am not sure why she bothered at all.

If you're going to worry about it then I'd have a chat with him making it clear. Something along the lines of:

'We don't usually let other people apart from family stay in our caravan because it feels very much like a second home to us. We're delighted for you to stay especially after the favour you did for us but I've been worrying a bit that I didn't make this clear. I know I said that there would be plenty of room for you and your wife but we wouldn't feel comfortable with people we don't know going so we wouldn't be happy if you wanted to take friends with you. Just wanted to let you know so that there aren't any misunderstandings'.

Although the suggestion that you make a comment when handing over the keys is fine, this would enable them to change plans if they were wanting to go away with friends. And although they would be cheeky it might have been a misunderstanding rather than them deliberately taking the piss. If you genuinely want to return the favour you don't want there to be bad feeling because they think you're being precious and you think they're cheeky chancers do you? Why not clear it up in advance?

Do it by email if you're worried about having the chat in person.

I think you are making lots of assumptions. Perhaps they will head down Friday am and do something nice near the caravan. They may be doing something at home on Monday. They may have suggested that their friends book into a nearby B&B. You sound like you are getting your knickers in a twist about not much at the moment.

Primal - I suppose either you've never had a holiday home (and the expenses) or been concerned about who stays there. It is OP's holiday home, not the colleagues. How would the colleague like it if OP and her whole family/friends did same to colleague? NOT A LOT.

If someone offered me the use of their caravan for the weekend, unless they said 'this is just for you and specified other person', then I probably wouldn't realise that is what they meant. But I find a lot of things that MNers get bother about a bit baffling.

Cross posted with Debbie. Yes exactly.

PrimalLass it's not 'a bit prescriptive' to offer 2 nights free accommodation to a couple and be a bit pissed off that they might actually be taking 4 nights with 4 people instead

Cross posted again. Yes PrimalLass I do accept that it might be a misunderstanding though which is why I think it's worth clearing it up now. Not the day before when it will just cause bad feeling. Plus, you might spend the next 2 months worrying over nothing!

I was going to say similar to Quejica - except, could you do a 'standard' email now, detailing terms & conditions, breakages, neighbours keeping a look out, let being for x people, & if any more please notify asap or insurance will be invalid. ;)

The Friday off work i can totally understand who he'd rather go up in the morning, and actually it doesn't matter to you. Bringing extra people (although maybe they are staying somewhere else-could they also have a caravan there?) is very cheeky, staying over to the Monday is a little cheeky without checking with you.

I find it strange though that he wouldn't have said something to you. If you're not using it then I don't see why he didn't say "Would it be okay if we went up earlier on the Friday and stayed to the Monday as I've got some holiday to use?" I suspect you'd say "no problem", and wouldn't think anything of it.

DeWe that's exactly it - it is strange that he hasn't asked, that's what I'm annoyed about

Also, you are right: if he does ask in between now and then if he can go for a bit longer and take their friends I will definitely say that it's OK but I think he should ask and not just assume it's OK

I will admit that I'm very protective of our caravan, we spend a lot of time there it's very much our second home and our pride and joy

The extra night wouldn't bother me, that's still within the bounds of a weekend.

However taking friends is really not on without asking.

Don't be all lame and PA about this. Just ask them straight up - "hey, don't want to sound precious but obviously as this is our second home we don't really have many people staying there so just wanted to make clear the invite is just for you and your partner, hope that's ok"

Ask him to drop key at yours on Sunday on his way home as you have a friend going for a few nights picking the key up on the sunday evening.so that they can set off that night.

I think you are spending far too much time worrying about what might be happening - either do something about it or accept that it's happening! I would do what the pp suggested - when you hand over the keys ask what time you will be arriving and that your neighbour will be looking out for one couple arriving at that time.

• when they will be arriving obviously, not you!

Another one really not understanding the issue here.

I genuinely don't understand why it would bother you if he stays an extra night or indeed if he invites another couple although good knows what the other couple are thinking sharing a caravan is a little to close for comfort for me

I totally get the issue here, and would feel the same. YANBU op, and they are definitely cheeky if it is true!

Wasn't there a thread a while ago about a neighbour moving into someone else's second home in Mexico?

Yes, it was the cheeky thread in Classics. OP, you should definitely read that as it will make you feel a lot better. Or possibly more terrified...

Cheeky thread is worth a look in general (I think the gooseberries may be my favourite) but the Mexico story comes in at Sat 20-Apr-13 14:52:07.

Yellowdinosaur - I wouldn't offer if I was going to be worried about whether someone went with their partner or someone else. She doesn't know there are 4 people going, so unless she said 'you can only take your partner' then how would her colleague know?

I would hate to be offered something like this in return for a favour and then know someone was resenting it on the Internet.

Well...it looks like I was right! Conversation first thing this morning went something like this:

HIM: When can I come and pick the caravan key up?
ME: I’ll bring it in with me tomorrow
H: I really wanted it today
M: But you don’t go till tomorrow evening, I’ll be here at 7 in the morning so you’ll have it in plenty of time
H: What shift is on?
M: Erm...afternoons...why?
H: Can you give him a text and ask him to bring it in before he goes to work?
M: No he can’t do that
H: Why?
M: He’s busy in the garden
H: Can you go home at lunchtime and get it then?
M: Err...no
H: Why?
M: I wouldn’t have time to get there and back in my lunch break. I don’t understand the problem – you’re going tomorrow evening and you’re getting the key in the morning, am I missing something?
H: No it’s OK I’ll collect it in the morning. It won’t be at 7 though it’ll be between 8 and half past
M: OK I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll e-mail you the directions/instructions, you’ll need to take these with you because there’s information on there that you’ll need while you’re there. Also just to let you know (I then had the conversation with him about us and our neighbours telling each other exactly who, when and how long if anyone else goes and said that when he leaves on Sunday afternoon/evening he’ll need to leave the key with in caravan next door)
H: Oh...erm...OK I’ll wait for your e-mail
M: I’ll send it in the next 10 minutes

So I sent him the e-mail and got the following reply:

NAAM,
Thank you for that but did I not tell you that X and X were coming with us?

I replied “No, there was no mention of anyone else going, if you read the e-mail I sent you in March I offered you and the caravan for 2 nights and your reply said “Great thanks we’ll look forward to that”. Shall I re-send it so that you can have another look?

His answer: “No I’ve still got it. If it’s a problem I can put them off?

To which I replied that no it was OK for him to take them but there will be things in the way in the second bedroom because we didn’t think anyone would be using it. He said it wouldn’t be a problem, they’ll take it as it is and they're going to "get straight off" as soon as they've got the key

It’ll be very interesting to see if they cancel their day off on Monday. I really wish I’d just bought him some beer for the favour he did me, and I certainly won't be asking him to do anything else!

I don't see the problem with him going early friday or thur night instead of friday night however if he has invited another couple he should have asked you first.

Going early tomorrow isn't a problem, staying an extra night - or two as I suspected they were planning on doing - definitely would have been

I also couldn't help but notice the "Did I not tell you X and X were coming with us" and not "Did I not ask if X and X could come"

He won't be going again

You get the Sherlock award for services to sleuthing! Very impressive, the way you saw right from the start how all the pieces were fitting together.

I think it's really cheeky of your colleague to plan something like this without asking you first. If he'd been up front about it, you'd probably have agreed, anyway.

'did I not tell you that X and X were coming with us?' is flat-out brass neck. You're a nicer person than me, OP; I'd have been tempted to withdraw the offer completely. I also think he's a spineless creep for not bringing it up when you were talking face to face but waiting to do it over email.

And after he said 'If it’s a problem I can put them off?' I'd have said 'Well, it's not really about "putting them off" –you weren't in a position to invite them in the first place. The offer was for you and your wife.'

But like I said, you're obviously a nicer person.