To ask you you what you would have done in this scenario(petty)

[Retropear]

Just walking out the door for school.Both kids involved have a history of being grumpy on a school morning ie both as bad as each other.

Ds2 putting his shoes on sprawled across the floor(not much space by the front door),said dd kicked him as she walked past.She said it was an accident.DS walked out and kicked her back because I "didn't do anything" ( was too busy shooing them out and locking up).

I then said no screen time tonight for both as at 10 and 9 they're more than capable of leaving the house without a stress fest and bickering.

He insists she did it,she said it was an accident(she was uber grumpy this morning though).I didn't see the deed.Both stomped off to their class queues glaring at each other and looking pitifully back at me.

It's things like this I fall down on and sometimes come away feeling I could have handled better.I hate bickering and don't gave much patience in dealing with it.So out of interest how would you have dealt with it?

I think your "no screen time" consequence is a good one. I'd have probably done something similar with my four (age ranges from 4-11).

Probably the same as you. Regardless of who kicked who first, he did it she did it bullshit, they were both grumpy and horrible to each other. They'll survive, don't beat yourself up.

Not really sure.

Definitely no screen time for your son as he deliberately kicked his sister-and blamed you??!!

Not sure about daughter would maybe have given the benefit of the doubt.

Why does your son sprawl all over the floor?

my children have realised that if I don't see what happened there is a blanket punishment. works here...

same here, blanket ban for everyone until whoever it is owns up. doesn't make me popular but I can live with that.

Oh they both sound as bad as each other so I would probably have punished them both. Sometimes it's just to exhausting trying to get to the bottom of every little incident of she did/he did.

Some mornings it's all I can do not to shout "just put your fucking shoes on and piss off to school"

I do agree that they sound as bad as each other, but if one kid is taking uo all the space (deliberately?), they take the consequence of getting trodden on, knocked by a bag etc.

He just seems to take up a lot if space these days,sat down putting his shoes on,nowhere else really to do it.

Yes perhaps I should be congratulating myself for not saying"ff's just get your shoes on and piss off to school"- it was close.(pmt)

Encouraging to hear the blanket ban for unseen deeds is common then,feeling reassured.Was wondering if a patient discussion to get to the bottom of it would discourage further similar scenarios but tbf I had neither the time or inclination this morning.

My answer is probably just what you did.
I'm actually laughing at your brilliant description of them glaring at each other and looking pitifully back at you. I can't tell you the memories that brought back.

Why does he sit down to put shoes on?

Not sure.Good point.

I would do what I do when my nieces come to stay - that I am not interested in who did what, if they fight and hurt each other then the only people that get hurt is themselves and all that happens is they will both end up not having fun. I then point out that I used to babysit their dad, and have heard it all before so lets just get on with X and Y.

I do a dramatic 'One of you will get hurt' in a 'One of you will be fired' voice with pointy finger and they usually descend into giggles.

To get fair dd had her moments iykwim.We'd just had the morning hair brushing histrionics.

If it is any consolation, pretty much exactly the scenario happens in my house every morning, right down to the sprawling, except my DC are 5 and 2.

No screen time is our most commonly used punishment.

Oh yes, I know how this works. I did it with my siblings; I see my dc do it:

One on floor makes sure they are not quite totally in the way. So they can say "but there was plenty of space" if the other asks them to move, so either doesn't move or moves insignificant space.

One wanting to get past, says there isn't space. Pushes past roughly to show there wasn't space.

Floor one claims kicked deliberately, they had nearly done and was just about to move etc.

One walking past says they hardly touched them, and if they had done it was their fault for not moving...

I go the same way. Both to blame; both get the same punishment. Because the one on the floor was being deliberately irritating and should have moved. But equally well the one walking past could have got through without touching them if they'd wanted to, and may well have not needed to get through at that moment too.

Retropear, whether the first kick was an accident or not, did DD apologise?

My rule is pretty much that if the accident person says; 'I'm sorry, are you OK?' then that's done.

If she think she can just walk away from an accident without checking, not so much.

DS's retaliation was obviously out of order.

Though solidarity; that is a very familiar scenario.

Omg Dewe you have summed up my suspicions in a nutshell(and it did bring back some vague memories).

at "put your fucking shoes on and piss off to school". Made me laugh out loud and I needed that today!

I would probably just have made them say sorry to each other but then mine are 5 and 3 and not very good with delayed consequences.

No I don't think dd did hence my feeling a tad guilty.I'm guessing it would have brought a smirk from DS......

I find this kind of shit waaaay harder than big stuff which rarely happens in comparison.This drip,drip,drip of petty stuff I have no patience with.

No screen time is reasonable definitely. Maybe at 9 and 10yrs with an " and sit down together and sort a solution out to get out of the house on time without a stress fest"! too

( I would provide biscuits, squash and paper and pens for plans!)

My eldest two are always doing things like this. It depends on past behaviour as to whether I'd give dd the benefit of doubt. Your ds was taking up all the space so if it was an accident it's his own fault, but if dd did it on purpose then she should be in trouble, as should he for kicking her on purpose.

My dd1 and ds1 are 6 and 5 and really wind each other up like this. They either lose screen time, treats or get sent to their room depending on what they've done. Most mornings they push and shove each other while screaming that they get to open the door.

I'd have done what you did and given a blanket ban for both, but I'd have also probably been shouting at them to get a move on.

I think no screen time is a fair deal because it isn't going to do them any harm to have a night away from the box!

However, I think I would have asked them to apologise nicely to each other first, and then gone to screen time ban if that didn't go well first time round.

Oh and I'd make it a rule that there is no taking up the whole floor by the door, so the episode doesn't turn into a daily habit!

Oh god, mine do this all the time. I also go with blanket punishment, I usually find it helps to shout a bit at both of them, telling them to pack it in and start treating each other nicely. Any attempts by any of them at "Yea but HE/SHE started it!!" immediately gets interrupted by me holding up my hand in a "stop right there" manner and me shouting "not interested", "don't want to hear it" and similar.
They usually end up forgetting about their argument and instead bonding over how mean and unfair their mother is... makes me the bad guy but works for me so I don't care