was feeling a bit upset last night when i realised my teens will go off to university.. or at least leave home

[slartybartfast]

and we are counting down the years?
but in fact they are not making it easy with their attitudes and behaviour

By the time they get to that age it will be easier to cope with. Honest.

Isn't that the point though? It's ok they do come bsck

It's great when they go to university - they are ready for more freedom and you are ready for them to acquire more responsibility.

they are pushing buttons, and i say that to other people, you are glad by that time, phew. but, still, Slipping through my fingers,

I have a slightly different take on the same problem, I'll miss DD1 like mad because she's just jolly good company.

Also I'll then be left with a very sociable 15y with no company in the middle of nowhere.

DD1 doesn't push buttons, but DD2 has in the past and without her sister just giggling and finding all teen antics pointless I fear she might again.

they dont push buttons all the time and they all have their wonderful moments. i shall miss them intolerably i feel

YANBU

However it is your job as a parent to send them out into the big wide world.

My DS is in Y11 - and is enthusing about universities already.

Technically YABU because it makes complete rational sense that young adults will fly the nest - but your upset is totally understandable, irrational though it may be. After all, since when has love for our children been rational?

It's a bittersweet moment when they leave home. It's happened to me twice now, and both times I've been absolutely bursting with pride at their independence and ready-for-the-worldness, while missing them horribly and sometimes having a physical longing to have them close. Neither of my DDs moved back full-time after going to university (they came back for holidays which is lovely but not the same thing) and even now when they're in their early/mid twenties I still have moments of longing for them. Sometimes it's just the little things, like sharing an in-joke or having a casual good-night kiss. But it's right that they've moved on, and it's lovely to catch up on their independent adult lives when we see each other. If you've coped with everything motherhood has thrown at you so far, you'll cope with this, so try not to fret about it.

thanks doris,
i will be proud, and have coped thus far.

As I have twins it's conceivable that they will leave home on the same day ...in 3.5 years ...

On the one hand it will be utterly life changing, on the other hand, I think I'll be ready for a cesssation of this parenting malarkey. It's pretty intense.

DH is already acting like we're on a countdown and is trying to pack in as many family holidays etc as he can. He's gonna be a nightmare whern they go!

wordfactory watch out, one of my twins changed courses, so one is off to uni next year, the other a year later!

Dawn I think DH would secretly love it if we kept one or botrh an extra year for whatever reason ...

Funnily enough he works very long hours and is often away. Since I'm the one stocking the fridge and washing PE kit, I'm less traumatised by the idea of it!

That said, I'll probably spend my time sobbinbg into the empty layndry basket...

My oldest left home this year. He is back for a holiday, and having him here just feels so right. It's like I haven't noticed how lonely and unbalanced our family has felt for all these months, and this is just like coming home after a very long trip.

3 of mine have flown but two of them are boomerangs. One is finishing his degree soon and plans to live at home while doing a PhD, the other is completeing his first year at uni and wans to move back home to save rent money!
Course I missed them when they were gone but I've given them lectures on how they are now adults and if they live here it will be like a house share so I do not wish to be 'mum' with the nagging and doing everything!
It is sad the day they go and you get pangs over the in-jokes but you get used to it very fast.
Then they come back....

My teen is great - pleasant, hardworking, polite, funny etc. I shall miss her horribly when she goes. But at the same time I am insisting that she does go away to university. I don't want her living at home - she'll be an adult and we'll all need the space / independence / privacy.

My main worry at the moment is that I am becoming over invested in her subject choices. Trying very hard to back off and let her make her own mistakes choose her own courses.

2 of mine at uni now, and I've just about got used to it. Suffering the pangs all over again though with my eldest as I'm realising that he will be going properly this Autumn, having got himself a job in his uni town - he'll be moving into his own place and that will be home from now on. No more long uni holidays….sob.
However, bonus for today is that he's coming home tonight :)

Something that happened to me when DSS1 had passed his bac, IELTS and we knew he was off to university, after a very intense year at school - I suddenly saw him as no longer a school child who needed my support, but as an adult whom I should no longer support materially. All that food shopping/cooking/washing etc suddenly made me feel massively resentful. And when he comes back for holidays I no longer want to take care of him.

They do grow up - and you no longer want to look after them!