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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a bed with friends (or basically anyone other than DP)

63 replies

Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:07

When I was younger (a student and living in flat shares in my 20s) it was the done thing that when friends came to stay / when I went to stay with friends you would just share their bed. Also when I went away on holidays/weekends away friends would often share double beds to save money etc.

AIBU that I no longer want to share beds with friends? I recently went on a hen do where I was expected to share a bed for the weekend (had not been told this in advance - I would have been willing to pay more money for my own room if I had been warned in advance that I would be sharing a bed).

Also one of my friends still lives in flat shares (which I completely understand, not everyone can afford their own place esp. in London) and when I go to stay I have to share her bed which I just no longer feel so comfortable about. I totally appreciate she doesn't have a spare guest room, but I would rather sleep on the sofa or an inflatable bed in the living room than bed share. I just don't know how to say this without offending her. I would also be prepared to pay for a cheap B&B/Travelodge but again don't want to offend her.

Am I being a prude, or has anyone else grown out of feeling comfortable sharing a bed with friends? I am in my early 30s FWIW.

OP posts:
HuskyWoman · 15/03/2014 21:08

Yanbu in my opinion. I always worry I'll assume the sleeping form next to me is DP an shuffle over for some spooning.

Original poster
Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:09

Exactly!
Or I worry that I will kick them in my sleep, or even worse fart in the night Blush

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 15/03/2014 21:10

God I'm with you. I haven't shared a bed with someone apart from husbands for 25 years.

Ugh. No idea how to get out of it. Maybe say diplomatically you're staying in a hotel as you've got worms/ uncontrollable sleeping sex disease/chinese love balls Grin

EatShitDerek · 15/03/2014 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nospringflower · 15/03/2014 21:10

I'm not keen on sharing - means I don't get a good nights sleep. I recently went away with a friend and just made sure we got a twin room.

Original poster
Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:11

Yes I have in the past said I have a cold/cough and don't want to pass it on, but I can't always use the same excuse

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 15/03/2014 21:12

YANBU if you feel uncomfortable about it then obviously you should find an alternative, it doesn't matter if you are 16 or 66 that's your perogative. For what it's worth it genuinely doesn't bother me sharing a room and bed with friends, but then most of them I have been friends with for over 10 years.

DramaAlpaca · 15/03/2014 21:12

YANBU.

I won't even share a room with anyone other than DH, let alone a bed.

WanderingAway · 15/03/2014 21:14

I hate sharing my bed but if it only for a night or two i wouldnt mind sharing.

sillymillyb · 15/03/2014 21:14

I used to have to share a bed with work colleagues (promo work so very relaxed) and I hated it!

One of my mates used to try and spoon me and I had to fight the reflex to elbow her in the face Grin

BertieBotts · 15/03/2014 21:15

YANBU, I am 25 and recently went to a house party at my cousin's house, ended up in a double bed with her, her boyfriend and a random bloke Hmm It was just really uncomfortable and awkward, I ended up rearranging their spare room so I could use the sofa in there!

I think I must have grown out of it because I assumed I'd be fine with it but no!

Original poster
Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:16

I would actually hand in my notice if I had to share a bed with my work colleagues to be fair most of them are male and old

OP posts:
SummerRain · 15/03/2014 21:19

I shared a bed after a works night out recently. We did actually have a bed each but one of the girls turned.out to be an annoying aggressive drunk so myself and the third girl didn't want to be stuck in a room with her and decided to use a double bed in the lads room whose owner was plastered and had no intention of using it. I didn't sleep a wink as I was so paranoid about snuggling up to her in my sleep Blush

I thought I'd be fine but after 12 years of sharing with dp and sleeping tangled up with him, or kicking him out of my way if I want more space I just couldn't relax with someone else in the bed.

squoosh · 15/03/2014 21:19

I happily bed down with lots of people.

sillymillyb · 15/03/2014 21:19

A lot of them were male models so I struggled on through Grin

The company I worked for would tell me just to book one room and then we would all pile in to save money.

It was an amazing year of my life apart from spoony weirdo girl

Original poster
Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:20

Bertie When I was younger (in my 20s) a friend said I could stay at her house after a party as I lived the other side of London. However what she didn't tell me was that I was expected to share a bed with one of her boyfriend's mates. I had a boyfriend at the time so it was completely inappropriate Shock. I ended up staying up and waiting until the first tubes started running again then legged it!

OP posts:
sillymillyb · 15/03/2014 21:20

(That was to soyouthinkso by the way!)

SummerRain · 15/03/2014 21:23

Oh, and said owner of the bed who had loudly proclaimed he couldn't sleep and was going to hang out with the other girl decided crazy bitch was too much for him too and climbed in on top of us at 4am and snored for the remaining two hours until we had to get up Angry

rookiemater · 15/03/2014 21:23

It's maybe an age thing - I'm 43 and wouldn't share a bed with anyone but DH. There were a set of circumstances a wee while back and my DMum suggested I share a bed with her - we have never shared a bed since I was 5, I was very happy to pay the 50 to stay in the Travellodge down the road - oh and DS loved the all you can eat toast maker !

Happy to share a room with a friend though.

Trills · 15/03/2014 21:25

If your friend shares her living room with other people then yabu to choose to sleep in the living room rather than in her room. It's not just your friend you'd be inconveniencing.

Original poster
Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:28

Happy to sleep in her room just rather not bed-share

OP posts:
pussycatdoll · 15/03/2014 21:29

Oh yes I Wont even share a room any more
Going away with the girls is the only opportunity I get to have a bed, en suite to myself so I stump up for the extra money for a single room
I'm 39 & too old for it

AwkwardSquad · 15/03/2014 21:41

Lord, no. Wouldn't even share a room, let alone a bed. I'm well past all that shit, I need my own space!

HerrenaHarridan · 15/03/2014 21:45

I love it, I have plenty of spare beds in my house as I occasionally have lots of people to visit.

Most of my friends actively choose to sleep in with me instead of the spare beds. Some of them because they like the cuddles some because they like the chat.

When people first stay over I offer them mine (if I feel like it) and all the other options, at least one double bed is made up and ready to go so its not like they are worried and inconveniencing me... But only my bed had the electric blanket and the vibrate setting Grin

Op yanbu, you should not feel like you can't say anything. Maybe you could say you've discussed it your partner and both agreed not to bed share with other people any more

MintyCatLeaf · 15/03/2014 21:45

YANBU!

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