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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to share a bed with friends (or basically anyone other than DP)

63 replies

Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:07

When I was younger (a student and living in flat shares in my 20s) it was the done thing that when friends came to stay / when I went to stay with friends you would just share their bed. Also when I went away on holidays/weekends away friends would often share double beds to save money etc.

AIBU that I no longer want to share beds with friends? I recently went on a hen do where I was expected to share a bed for the weekend (had not been told this in advance - I would have been willing to pay more money for my own room if I had been warned in advance that I would be sharing a bed).

Also one of my friends still lives in flat shares (which I completely understand, not everyone can afford their own place esp. in London) and when I go to stay I have to share her bed which I just no longer feel so comfortable about. I totally appreciate she doesn't have a spare guest room, but I would rather sleep on the sofa or an inflatable bed in the living room than bed share. I just don't know how to say this without offending her. I would also be prepared to pay for a cheap B&B/Travelodge but again don't want to offend her.

Am I being a prude, or has anyone else grown out of feeling comfortable sharing a bed with friends? I am in my early 30s FWIW.

OP posts:

ravenAK · 16/03/2014 04:42

I hate it. I've been known to evade school trips because of the expectation that one cheerfully bunks in a not very large double bed in a Trevelodge with some random colleague.

The solution I've found is to organise the bloody trip, ensure that there's an odd number of women & bags the single room as trip leader's perk.

Even with actual longstanding mates, I'll do a room share if the others are gung ho for it, but if it's a double & a sofa my bag's on the sofa claiming it before the door shuts behind us...

patienceisvirtuous · 16/03/2014 06:41

Again, with squoosh. I will happily bed down with most - friends, colleagues, my cousin, nieces, my mum.

If I stay over at my parents I sometimes go in their room on a morning and squeeze in beside them much to my dad's displeasure haha. I like a cuddle and gossip. I am 36

MrsSparkles · 16/03/2014 08:22

YADNBU - I had similar, went on hen weekend and found I was to share a double bed with friend (no warning, would have paid more to be on my own). Even worse said friend came down with awful cold, so I had to sleep on the sofa (was v v much looking forward to a lie in as had 6 month old DD at the time).

I hate hate hate sharing beds.

SometimesLonely · 16/03/2014 09:10

I was 14 and shared a bedroom with my younger sister. A schoolfriend visited (still friends) and we decided that it would be a good idea if she were to sleep with me in my single bed. My parents took some persuading, looking at each other meaningfully when they first heard the idea. I had no idea why the idea was so bad yes, I was innocent of things like that. Three of us in the same bedroom ....

It was about 35 when I realised why my parents were not keen on the idea!

StealthPolarBear · 16/03/2014 10:57

Why sometimes? I actually don't get that

SometimesLonely · 16/03/2014 12:32

Why what, Stealth?

My parents looked disapproving because they knew about homosexuality but I didn't and it was frowned upon then and they obviously thought I was taking that route with my friend.

I was a lot older when I realised why they didn't want my friend to sleep in the same single bed as me. As far as I was concerned, it was just two friends having a night together, gossiping about other girls at school, complaining about French homework and wishing we didn't have Cricket so often.

TheArticFunky · 16/03/2014 12:42

I don't think that's acceptable raven. Sharing a room is bad enough but sharing a bed is not acceptable for a work event.

A Company I worked at introduced a policy where it was stipulated that you could only stay at a hotel if there were no colleagues with available beds in their houses. I was often away Monday to Friday and there was no way that I was going to impose on a random colleague. I challenged the policy and the rules were relaxed.

INeedSomeHelp · 16/03/2014 12:50

A few years ago I was going to a work event and they wanted us all to share rooms. I got on ok with my colleagues but wouldn't have considered any of them to be friends.
I just refused point blank - I said that I didn't share my room at home with anyone so I didn't intend to start now. I got my own room

rookiemater · 16/03/2014 14:34

That's awful thearticfunky so colleagues and their families are meant to act as some sort of B&B host for all workmates. Just ewww.

WilsonFrickett · 16/03/2014 14:44

If there's another bed to be had I will take it, but I don't mind sharing with friends. I shared with a friend recently, she is co-sleeping with her son. In the middle of the night she rolled over, gave my tummy a little rub, kissed me on the side of my head and said, 'sssh now sleepy times' then rolled back over. bless her.

rookiemater · 16/03/2014 14:48

See if anyone had done that to me wilsonfrickett, probably even DH, they would get a massive karate chop and would be pushed out of bed. I'd do it instinctively as well. Some of us just like our space !

blanchedeveraux · 16/03/2014 15:54

We had a works do at Christmas that involved staying over at a hotel and I got stiffed with the loudest, drunkest, fartiest member of staff to share a room with. I didn't sleep a wink and she hogged the bathroom for hours in the morning and nearly broke the toilet with her, er, "emissions". Never, ever again. YANBU!!!!

Bunbaker · 16/03/2014 15:55

I have IBS and don't like sharing a bathroom with anyone.

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