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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to share a bed with friends (or basically anyone other than DP)

63 replies

Soyoureallythinkso · 15/03/2014 21:07

When I was younger (a student and living in flat shares in my 20s) it was the done thing that when friends came to stay / when I went to stay with friends you would just share their bed. Also when I went away on holidays/weekends away friends would often share double beds to save money etc.

AIBU that I no longer want to share beds with friends? I recently went on a hen do where I was expected to share a bed for the weekend (had not been told this in advance - I would have been willing to pay more money for my own room if I had been warned in advance that I would be sharing a bed).

Also one of my friends still lives in flat shares (which I completely understand, not everyone can afford their own place esp. in London) and when I go to stay I have to share her bed which I just no longer feel so comfortable about. I totally appreciate she doesn't have a spare guest room, but I would rather sleep on the sofa or an inflatable bed in the living room than bed share. I just don't know how to say this without offending her. I would also be prepared to pay for a cheap B&B/Travelodge but again don't want to offend her.

Am I being a prude, or has anyone else grown out of feeling comfortable sharing a bed with friends? I am in my early 30s FWIW.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2014 21:50

YANBU

Just tell them you fart like a horse so you've brought your own inflatable mattress.

JumbledAndTumbled · 15/03/2014 21:51

I won't share a room or bed with anyone except DH, my DCs and my Mum. I would only share with my DCs or Mum if it was really unavoidable.

I know I wouldn't sleep a wink if anyone else was in the room. There is no logical reason for this, I am not overly private and I don't snore I might be lying about the snoring

AlpacaYourThings · 15/03/2014 21:57

YANBU!

Like a PP I don't even want to share a room with anyone.

I had to share a hotel room a fees weeks ago and I woke up with really bad food poisoning from a dinner party we had been to. I had very loud diarreah, it was awful. I had to pretend I was having really long shower to cover the noise

BrokenToeOuch · 15/03/2014 21:58

I happily bed share with my closest mates. Hen nights, weekends away etc, only a night or 2, it's just somewhere to put your head down for the night. We're always pretty merry by the time we make it to bed anyway, a bit of chatting, heart to heart, snorting with laughter and then we're dead to the world anyway. If I fart, so be it. It's a natural bodily function! If I roll I've and hug them? They're my best mate, they'll roll me back over and tell me to keep the fuck still.

This does not apply to people I don't know well or any men - I would NOT share a bed with those!

AlpacaYourThings · 15/03/2014 22:01

with a work colleague *few

Glasshammer · 15/03/2014 22:01

Can you say you feel particularly windy and want to sleep separately. Or just be honest.

aquashiv · 15/03/2014 22:04

A good friend said I could share her bed a few months ago. I said no you are alright thanks I like a good fart if the need arises and am known to shout at David Cameron in my sleep apparently.

squoosh · 15/03/2014 22:16

I shared a bed with my best friend recently on a weekend away. We're very comfortable together, she doesn't mind that I like to sleep naked and I don't mind that I woke up in the mornings with her snuggled into my back and one leg wrapped around me.

DramaAlpaca · 15/03/2014 22:21

Aww squoosh that's so sweet!

Chloerose75 · 15/03/2014 22:30

I am happy to share a bed with my best friend but in general have got more picky about bed sharing as I have got older!

ithaka · 15/03/2014 22:38

YANBU, if it bothers you, it bothers you. Doesn't bother me. I am 20+ years married & happily bed share with gal pals, mum, daughters. Anyone really. Better than sleeping alone.

scarlettsmummy2 · 15/03/2014 22:47

I am 32 and would prefer not to, but with old friends who I have known since childhood/ uni and shared beds with lots of times before, it wouldn't bother me! When I was in my early twenties our group of friends, male and females, all bedded down together. Can't imagine it now though!

WeAllHaveWings · 15/03/2014 22:51

As I've got older I find I fart, snore, toss n turn, get too hot/cold, scratch, drool, need to get up for a pee like my own space in bed. Shared with anyone when younger, now only dh gets the "pleasure"

Ilikepancakes · 15/03/2014 22:53

YANBU. When I was younger I would happily bed-share with friends but now (late 20s) I like my own space and it effects my quality of sleep having a friend in my bed (obviously don't mind DP). I put up with it on hen weekends when we rent a cottage or house etc. but at hotels I ask to pay extra for my own room.

CannyBagOfTudor · 15/03/2014 22:56

YANBU.

I visited my friend in the States quite a few years ago now and we made a 2 night trip to NY with her friend and her friend's fiance.

The hotel's in NY were a bit beyond our means so we ended up sharing ONE room with 2 double beds.

I had to share the bed with my friend and the room with 2 random strangers.

I think the pressure must have got to me, as I apparently sat up in bed in my sleep and started shouting all sorts of crap.

Not at all embarassing!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/03/2014 22:58

I'd be very uncomfortable bed sharing with anyone but DH and my kids - despite being nearly 39 and not in great shape I'd sleep on the floor or in an arm chair before I'd bed share (and I'd sit up drinking coffee all night befote I'd bed - or even room - share with my mother), and I'd rather sleep alone in an unsuitably furnished room than share a room... tbh I'd stsy home if I knew I couldn't have a bit of space to sleep. YANBU

Bunbaker · 15/03/2014 23:00

I decline work dos because they make us share rooms (not beds thank goodness). I hate sharing with other people except for OH and DD and would rather not go somewhere than share a room with someone I don't know very well. Or I will not drink and just have a long drive home so I can sleep in my own bed.

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2014 23:06

Pmsl at shouting at david cameron in your sleep.
though at first read I missed the 'at' and thougbt yiu were very brave to admit your fantasies

WorrySighWorrySigh · 15/03/2014 23:37

Oh thank god for that, I'm not the only one!

throwinshapes · 15/03/2014 23:46

I'm with squoosh. Will, and do, bed down happily with my oldest friends, male and female alike. (On the odd nights child-free).
But again, always after a belly full of beer.
I'm 44 at the end of the month

notapizzaeater · 15/03/2014 23:53

Not bothered as long as they are the same sex and I know them it doesn't bother me (I'm 47)!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 15/03/2014 23:59

Will only share with H Or DCs.
yanbu at all
but each to their own and all that
but no one should just assume either

TheArticFunky · 16/03/2014 00:24

YANBU.

People were surprised when I refused to share a room at a work event a few years ago. Those days are long gone. I spent my 20s sleeping in dorms and crashed out at friends flats but that isn't me anymore. I'm a middle aged mother I want privacy and my own space now.

Our parents generation wouldn't have entertained the idea when they were our age but our generation are expected to be forever young.

Dubjackeen · 16/03/2014 00:34

YANBU. I go away from time to time with friends for a weekend. Own rooms all the way. I need my privacy and my sleep.

UncleT · 16/03/2014 04:27

Using the uncontrollable flatulence excuse is a great idea. It would definitely solve the issue for ever, though you'd probably also just never get invited anywhere ever again.

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