that parents should fucking ask me first before going out and leaving their son outside playing with mine ..

[ggirl]

kids are 10/11
playing happily which if fine
but I want to go out
ds's friends parents have buggered off somewhere so we have to wait for them to come home ......wankers

and i don't want to take their child with me

[babyboomersrock]

You do know boys are very capable of finding a way of going to the toilet if need be

Would it be ok for an 11 year old girl to be left?

And it's fine for the boy to be peeing wherever?

I grew up in a mining area in the 50s, so nothing I hear from you is going to give me a fit of the vapours. I know there are kids who are slung out on the street, parents who can't speak to them without swearing. Doesn't mean I should applaud the system and decide that anything less is mollycoddling.

My children had a lot of freedom to roam - we lived in a wee village and it was as safe as these places can be. Still didn't just drive off and leave them with a locked door.

[AcrossthePond55]

YANBU. Even if the parents weren't assuming that you would be responsible for their child, what if something had happened to him & he needed emergency care? In the mobile phone age it's irresponsible for ANY parent to go off with out letting you know how to contact them.

Yes, I'd leave my boys to play at a neighbours, but if for some reason I had to run somewhere, I made sure it was ok with that neighbour & that they knew where I was & when I'd be back! This was pre-mobile phones, back in the 'dark ages'.

I had this happen to me when a child was the only one left at my son's birthday party. I finally drove him home around 6pm (pick up was supposed to be around 4pm) only to find it empty & locked. No phone call, no note on door, nothing! She finally turned up around 11pm! I was furious!

[AwkwardSquad]

Interesting thread. Fwiw, when I was growing up it was normal for kids to play outside without adult supervision for hours, from a young age. We didn't 'know all the neighbours', this was an inner city and our area for roaming (once we were old enough to be allowed to cross roads!) was huge. But actually, in all those early years, I never once went home to find myself locked out and no one home. Not once. When I was about 11 I got my own key but even them I wasn't left alone for more than an hour.

[expatinscotland]

My parents thought nothing of sending me alone on errands, such as popping to the tobacconists to buy matches and tobacco for dad (when I was 6 and the shops were half a dozen streets away.


Yeah! The glory days, with 6-year-old going about to buying fags and matches .

[adoptmama]

what if something had happened to him & he needed emergency care?

which illustrates my whole point about our inability to assess reasonable risk these days.

It is perfectly reasonable for the boy's parents to judge that he would not need emergency medical care whilst playing outside of his own home for a couple of hours!

[AwkwardSquad]

Yeah, I did that, though older than six. Had to take a note with me. Used to go to the offy too. And the laundrette, the corner shop, the chippy. I was allowed to buy a wee sweetie with the change, for going.

[AwkwardSquad]

Jumpers for goalposts....

[teenagetantrums]

If you were that worried why didn't you just leave him and your son in your house?

[Northernlurker]

I very much embrace part of my job as a parent being to help my kids be independent of me. To that end I allowed primary aged dd1 and 2 to cycle by themselves to school along a quiet route whilst I took their sister to nursery and then cycled passed school checking their bikes were in the bike shed. I've encouraged them to take buses and make their own way to and fro. Dd1 has caught a train alone to a strange city. They have both been left alone in the house or with their younger sister to take care of. I used to book them in to holiday club for a 1/2 day and gave permission for them to leave together and make their own way home where I could then check in with them. I've done lots of things to help them rely on themselves. What I've never done is dumped them on somebody without a pre-arranged childcare agreement nor have I locked them out and expected them to live off the land till such a time as I return. The Op's neighbours have behaved neglectfully towards this child. No reason at all why he can't have a key - so why hasn't he got one? Because they can't be bothered? Because he can't be trusted? Neither explanation covers them with glory.

[macdoodle]

We all parent differently no doubt. It was the OP's fucking, wankers and complete oh wonderful me martyrdom that irked me. It really was none of her business.

[Northernlurker]

Of course it's her business - their child is locked out of his home and her home is the only place he can access for shelter, drinks, loo. He doesn't need to break his leg to need a bit of parental attention and these are still children.

[babyboomersrock]

What would have happened in the old days?

Honestly? I'm not saying it's a good thing, but someone (ok, normally the mother) was always home.

In my street I knew of one child, apart from me, whose mother was out at work. My grandfather was her unofficial guardian outwith school hours, so when we played outside, he was responsible for her as well as my brother and me. Grandparents often lived with families so the children I knew were probably more "parented" than children now - that's probably why we liked to play outside.

1950s children may seem to modern eyes to have had huge freedom, and to an extent we did. But communities were different, people knew each other, neighbours kept an eye out for "strangers" and children were generally bossed around by any passing adult. My friend and I used to wander a fair bit at the age of 10, but chances were we'd bump into someone who would ask if our mothers knew we were so far from home, or in fact suggest we went home that minute.

I know people don't like that sort of thing now - you get the downside that people know your business - but on the other hand, it made the world a lot more secure for children. We did our roaming feeling unsupervised, but the reality was that we were never far from a responsible adult.

[macdoodle]

I suspect he'll survive for an hour or so northern. Noone asked her to make it her responsibility.

[adoptmama]

At no point has it been said or shown the lad didn't have a key; maybe he does - there is an assumption he didn't. Maybe he also has a mobile phone. Maybe one of the other neighbours was on call for him to drop into if he needed. There is nothing to suggest the lads parents did anything wrong. The OP says she doesn't know the parents who how on earth can she - or anyone here - know what arrangements they have made with and for their child? The OP made an assumption about the parents' expectations. That doesn't mean they did anything neglectful or wrong. It's a bit hysterical to start labellling people as neglectful parents because they left their 10/11 year old son to play outside his own home without making their plans clear to a neighbour they don't know!

[adoptmama]

Northernlurker what makes you assume the OPs home is the 'only place' he can access? No-one - OP included - has any idea what arrangements the parents had made for the boy. He was playing with her son in the street when they went out. That does not mean they hadn't discussed their absene with someone else. For all anyone knows - including the OP who has said she doesn't know them - his granny may be living 5 minutes away around the corner!

[VeryStressedMum]

To those that are saying course it's ok to leave a 10 year old on the street locked out of their house...obviously that means you'd have no qualms at all about leaving your 10 year old in that same situation?

[whatever5]

YANBU. If they wanted you to keep an eye on their ds they should have asked. If they expect their ds to look after himself they should have given him a key and contact number. Either they're really cheeky or they are bad parents.

[adoptmama]

'in the same situation' is a very broad statement when no-body knows from the point of view of the boys parents, what the exact situation is!

Would I leave a responsible, intelligent 10 year old to play unsupervised outside their own home for an hour or so whilst I went to the shops? Yes if my child was ok with that and knew what to do in an emergency.

We have nothing to suggest the parents concerned didn't do the exact same thing with their child.