that parents should fucking ask me first before going out and leaving their son outside playing with mine ..

[ggirl]

kids are 10/11
playing happily which if fine
but I want to go out
ds's friends parents have buggered off somewhere so we have to wait for them to come home ......wankers

and i don't want to take their child with me

[adoptmama]

Times were very different

Were they - or do we just tell ourselves this because it justifies our fear of letting our kids out of our sight?

Statistically our children are no more likely to be abducted by a stranger than in the 1970's, 80's or 90's.

But we fear it more because we have 24 hour a day media bringing us horrendous stories from all over the world and so we perceive the danger is greater.

They are not more likely to be hit by a car. They are not even particulalry likely to come across some homicidal drug maniac who is determined to introduce them to heroin.

We have to stop battery farming our kids. The fact that one poster considers it unreasonable to leave a 10/11 year old alone for a few hours outside their house 'in case they want to watch TV' is bizarre!

I really recommend some folk go read about the Free Range Kids movement and start accepting that children are capable of so, so much - if only we let them!

Battery farming is good for neither chickens or kids!

[expatinscotland]

'Indeed, parents are far more overprotective & precious now. It's a shame, as children now have far less opportunities to learn independence.'

I grew up in places where kidnapping and violent crime were rife, so was one of those who was not left to hoon around unsurprised.

I had no problem being an 'independent' person. It's not rocket science, you don't need years and years to learn it.

It's usually used as an excuse for parents to exonerate themselves from being responsible.

[expatinscotland]

'An adult may appear and tell them to get the fuck inside, it's tea time.'

Charming

[Thumbwitch]

I'm not in the UK, Kim.

[macdoodle]

OP can you clarify. Do you know for certain that the boy doesnt know where theyve gone or how long they will be, and that they expect you to be looking after him. If not then I think you are being very presumptuous. Dear god we have all gone slightly mad. Am sure he can wait to pee for an hour or so.
And yes I am a GP, and I get parents phoning up to appts, ask about their kids, get advice etc. When I ask or look how old said child is, a large % are often in their 20's (and occasionally) older. Utterly ridiculous IMO.
My 12/13 year old has been out with her friends for the last few hours, they will make their own way to the friends house, either walking, getting a train or a bus there. I trust her to be sensible, because she hasnt been helicoptered. She will text me to let me know they are there later.

[Sirzy]

I am all for children learning independance but not by leaving them free at 6 or 7!

I agree with what expat has said. I was never allowed to roam around as a young child yet have somehow managed to grow into an independnt adult even having seemingly missed all the training needed as a young child

[rookiemater]

Look I absolutely support the idea that children need to get a gradual introduction to independence. DS has played with his friends on the street (we live in a cul de sac) from the age of around 4-5. That's slightly different from disappearing off for a trip to the shops?, day trip? overnight trip to Paris? without leaving the DC with somewhere to go to in an emergency.

[monicalewinski]

If I'd gone out and left my 11 yr old out playing, then came back to another parent being fuming that I "hadn't fucking asked" them to look after my child (a responsibility they had themselves assumed), I would think that parent had completely lost the plot tbh.

Why did you assume that you were suddenly his childminder? If my son was round playing in a friend's street at (shock horror) the opposite end of our large village, should the adults at that end of the village not go out in case anything should happen to him in their street?

What a non problem this is!

[JammyPodger]

I don't get it, have the parents told him where they've gone and how long they'll be? Pretty bad if they haven't and he's locked out.

I get that kids that age can go out on their own etc, but think their parents should know roughly where they will be.

[macdoodle]

But we dont know that do we??
The parents may have said, we're popping to Tesco, do you want to come. Boy says no I'm playing. They say ok we'll be an hour. Really is that so terribly unacceptable? You do know from secondary school most kids make their own way to and from school??

[macdoodle]

I agree Monica, I'd think they were barking.

[rookiemater]

Look our neighbour's DS is 10. He gets appropriate independence - takes the bus home, used to spend a bit of time on his own until his parents got in. He plays with my DS and the one thing that absolutely would not happen is the parents just sodding off and not letting us know. They do sometimes pop out, as do I, but the important thing is that they let me know in advance.

[macdoodle]

We dont because no one "fucking" told the nosy parker neighbour !

[rookiemater]

I would assume that if the parents had told their DS where they were going and how long they would be, he would have shared this information with the OP.

[80sMum]

It's such a pity that childhood has changed so much and children have so little freedom nowadays.

My parents thought nothing of sending me alone on errands, such as popping to the tobacconists to buy matches and tobacco for dad (when I was 6 and the shops were half a dozen streets away.

I used to love roaming around in the woods and fields by myself and would be gone for hours. My mother bought me a watch when I was 8, so I had no excuse to be late home for tea.

So I am sure an 11 year old will cope without his mum and dad for a few hours.

[adoptmama]

why would you assume that rookiemater? OP never said she'd spoken to the boy, only that his parents had gone out!

[adoptmama]

"We’re swimming in fear soup — fear of lawsuits, fear of injury, fear of abductions, fear of blame. (People love to blame parents for not being “responsible” enough.) " Lenore Skenazy, Free Range Kids

[rookiemater]

OP can you help us out here? Did you ask the boy if his parents said anything about going out?

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

Oh FFS, from an entire sentence you pick out the bit about watching TV?

Can't be bothered to argue about this.

[ggirl]

The parents told him they were going out and that they were locking door.

When I went outside and said we had to go out...he said 'but my parents aren't home yet' He knew they'd be an hr or so.

I don't know his parents.

His parents were happy to leave him but I got the impression he didn't want me to go out cos I needed to take ds and he'd be bored.

So i was being presumptive in that the parents weren't expecting me to stay in and be there for him ,but I felt too mean leaving with ds .

I did post that I went out anyway cos dh came home and said boy and ds stayed.

Btw I am anything but a helicopter parent.

Jesus ...last time I post on aibu

[macdoodle]

an hour?? and certainly no expectation that you care for him??
He was bored so you stayed Jeez....
I think you made far too much of this IMO, the fucking in the title is what made my hackles rise TBH, even though I'm a swearer, it shows such contempt.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Yes at that age I was wandering the streets playing.

But I always either had an adult back at home I could go to. Or a key & able to telephone someone (mum at work or grandparents)