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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday issues - skiing

43 replies

Browdee · 15/03/2014 08:27

Hi,

My wife and I are in the middle of a tricky divorce. We have four beautiful children and we're doing our best to insulate them from it all. My ex wants to take them on a skiing holiday in a week's time on her own. I'm concerned that, even with a family holiday company, going skiing as a single parent with all of them (aged 7 down to 3!) is going to be tough. I'm not sure I can say yes. It's not the finances (not really my call), and it's not the fact that it's in term time (that's another debate!)

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

SlateTiles · 15/03/2014 08:40

Uanbu to think she will struggle at certain times of the day, but it will be she who feels the stress, not the doc. If it's a truly family orientated high end ski company like esprit then she will have nanny type help at hand. Still, getting them all into ski gear will be a major feat.

But... As divorcing parents, you can't have that much control over the others' decisions. She'll find out the hard way that she's bitten off more than she can chew. But that doesn't mean you have the right to stop her taking them, as there are no safety issues or similar that would give you right if veto, in my view.

wowfudge · 15/03/2014 08:40

No YANBU - four young DCs on her own sounds difficult and throw in the fact it is skiing too.....what is she trying to prove? Are you sure she is going alone or does she have friends going to the same resort?

The fact that it's term time is out of order. Why can't she wait until Easter and take a holiday then?

SlateTiles · 15/03/2014 08:41

'Of veto'

OwlCapone · 15/03/2014 08:42

YABU apart from the fact that it's term time.

OwlCapone · 15/03/2014 08:45

four young DCs on her own sounds difficult

Well, she's going to be dealing with them all alone at some point, if she doesn't already.

Flexiblefriend · 15/03/2014 08:51

YANBU to be concerned. I find it scary being in sole charge of one 6 year old on a mountain. Do you know how she is planning on managing it ? Will they be in ski school? Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do to stop her going.

RaspberrySchnapps · 15/03/2014 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Optimist1 · 15/03/2014 09:11

Perhaps she's not actually going on her own with the children?

HollaAtMeBaby · 15/03/2014 09:26

Unless she's a ski instructor, YANBU... but there's nothing you can do about it.

Sirzy · 15/03/2014 09:28

It's her choice to take them you can't stop them on that ground, the term time thing would be what I objected too

juneau · 15/03/2014 09:29

The thought of managing the luggage and the flight alone makes me shudder, and I only have two DC and always travel with my DH. I literally couldn't manage to carry everything if it was just me with four DC (or even just my two).

If she goes with a family company yes, she'll have help during the day and if she stays in a chalet with someone like Ski Famille or Family Ski Company they'll take the DC off her hands at about 8.30, so that bit could be manageable. If you two are divorcing though I expect she's used to wrangling all of them on her own and getting them all dressed, fed and out the door in a timely manner.

WooWooOwl · 15/03/2014 09:40

YANBU, I wouldn't agree to it for the reasons you state, and because it's term time.

JohnnyBarthes · 15/03/2014 10:24

Presumably she's been skiing before, travelled with her children before and looked after her children before. She knows what she's letting herself in for, basically.

So, apart from the term time thing, YABU.

apermanentheadache · 15/03/2014 10:29

YANBU for thinking that it will be difficult. Frankly I think it would be horrific and I say this as a skiing mum with 2 kids of similar age to yours. However a) she may be supermum or she may have a nanny or someone else going with her.... I fon't see there is a lot you can do unfortunately. And who knows, they might have a whale of a time!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/03/2014 10:29

You are both going to have to figure out the logistics of managing four years young children on your own. If whew feels shew can cope, it's her choice. For you to veto and package it up as concern for her, makes you appear controlling and patronizing.

YABU.

apermanentheadache · 15/03/2014 10:31

Usually I would have said the same as you, HopALong but skiing is quite a complex and stressful 'holiday'. There's a helluva lot of organising and management involved.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/03/2014 10:33

I know, I ski.

wowfudge · 15/03/2014 10:39

Owlcapone - granted, but four kids in that age range on a skiing holiday: even if one or more of them attends ski school for at least part of the time, I still have visions of them all over the place and being really difficult to keep an eye out for!

DebbieOfMaddox · 15/03/2014 10:39

Cancelling your children's planned family holiday with one week to go is an interesting interpretation of the concept of "insulating" them from your divorce.

TheBody · 15/03/2014 10:43

not sure you could actually stop her though could you? and wouldn't it make you look the villain to stop a holiday for your kids.

sure she will cope and they will be fine.

the term time thing is fine. it's hardly GCSE year is it?

FrontForward · 15/03/2014 10:45

What is the consequence of her going? She has a stressful time but the kids will survive

What is the consequence of blocking it? You'll come over like a mad controlling ex and your future relationship could be soured for a long time.

I appreciate your thoughts. I'd never going skiing on my own with 4 that age but it's her life

slalomsuki · 15/03/2014 10:47

I've done if with 4 under 7 and its easy if you have a truely family ski company and are organised.

YABVU in my opinion apart from the term time issue

Shonajoy · 15/03/2014 10:51

Legally there may be consent required dependent on custody arrangements.

wobblyweebles · 15/03/2014 10:55

I suppose it depends how much help she gets.I took 3 kids around that age skiing in my own once, then swore I would wait till they were all told enough to carry their own skis and boots become I did it again.

Jengnr · 15/03/2014 11:05

Do you actually have the right to say no? Because tbh I think it's got fuck all to do with you.

Something tells me she might already have an idea of what managing four kids on her own is like and thought that through. It's incredibly condescending of you to say no on the grounds you think she can't cope.

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