Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should have stayed off work today

91 replies

pleaseno81 · 14/03/2014 09:38

I'm never ill - I've never thrown up since I was a kid. In my early 30s now.

DD and I have been hit with a horrible bug and I spent most of last night over the toilet bowl projectile vomiting.

I could sense DHs mounting panic that his work might be affected as I just felt in no fit state to look after toddler and sick baby.

Thankfully nursery have taken DS all day but I'm still so pissed off DH didn't just bite the bullet and tell work he wasn't coming in. I'm properly ill and whenever he's ill I make a big fuss and the kids aren't even allowed in the bedroom for the day.

I also have another health condition which makes things so much trickier when I'm ill.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MajorGrinch · 14/03/2014 16:18

Not being daft, but if you're well enough to have a conversation on Mumsnet for most of the day you're hardly at deaths door are you?

Shakirasma · 14/03/2014 16:26

OP and a couple of post over an hour this morning, then a couple of updates with hours in between is hardly being on MN all day.

She's ill, not comatose!

Hope you feel better soon OP. Flowers

NeverQuiteSure · 14/03/2014 16:29

I'd have to disagree with you MajorGrinch I had a horrid vomiting bug before Christmas. If I moved anything other than my hands and eyeballs it set of a round of violent retching (not actual vomiting, as the vomit dried up after the first 12 hours). It was vile. Laying on a sofa and MNing would have been a good way to take my mind off it and stay awake. (Sadly, I'm stuck home with a vomiting DC today, so I'm half anticipating a replay this weekend Hmm)

If her DH can take the time off (not all can, but clearly hers is able to) he should.

schokolade · 14/03/2014 16:31

Milk it oscarwilde?! I would hope he tried so the OP could laugh in his face!!

Chelvis · 14/03/2014 16:34

I had this last week, up from 1am vomiting and dizzy. DH refused to stay at home and look after me and the two DC (2y8m and 11m). He refused to come back even though I couldn't keep water down and was having dizzy spells. his work is full of parents of young children and other people have time off for emergencies, but he just wouldn't.

When he eventually came home a whole half hour early (!), I was on the floor asleep - I may have passed out because the last thing I remember was standing up to get a drink and feeling woozy, and he had to shake me awake. 11mo was in a filthy nappy and so sore, 2y8mo was using a box as a step to reach onto kitchen surfaces. I think I was out for about an hour. Anything could have happened.

DH still thinks he 'couldn't have done anything' and that I was doing ok because the odd day of TV doesn't harm them. It has changed my opinion of him though, one of quite a few things over the last few years sadly Sad

GarthsUncle · 14/03/2014 16:42

DH came home when I was on maternity leave with two DSes and just felt terrible.

The world did not end. It can be done.

bleedingheart · 14/03/2014 16:58

My DH has had to come home when I had such a bad migraine I was just relentlessly vomiting and couldn't see or hear properly. He has sent his DM to help in similar circumstances too. I can cope with most things but severe migraines just knock me out and I didn't feel safe looking after small children.

Chelvis Sad

MajorGrinch · 14/03/2014 18:41

God only knows how single parents or people whose partners have to work deal with it then.

I'm sorry, but I really don't sympathise!

Joysmum · 14/03/2014 18:58

I wouldn't expect FH to have time off work unless I couldn't function, if I couldn't function I'd tell him he needed the day off, I wouldn't expect him to unless I asked as he's not a mind reader.

He knows I wouldn't ask unless it was vital so he wouldn't say no. If he did, his balls would suffer.

MavisG · 14/03/2014 19:19

MajorGrinch, the children suffer. Dirty nappies & nappy rash, getting up to stuff they should be supervised doing, not getting fed properly.

Would you leave babies/toddlers with a cm who was drunk or otherwise nearly comatose? Same difference to the children.

Sometimes wohps' childcare falls through. Whatever that childcare is. They need to deal with it, emergency nanny or staying off.

NeverQuiteSure · 14/03/2014 19:19

MajorGrinch my DH worked away for 2 years and, as I've said further up thread, I had to cope. It was so bloody hard (especially knowing it could be days without help) and there were a few occasions where I dozed off and woke up in a panic knowing that I hadn't been properly supervising our young children. Plus other incidences such as when my toddlers got hold of a tub of sudacreme and ruined the carpet.

I dragged myself through knowing I had no choice. Now DH works (mostly) locally and is home every night and is in more of a position to help if needed. Luckily I haven't needed him to take time off as I've been either ill over weekends or well enough to struggle on, but I know that if I did ask him he would do his best to be there. Not for me, but for the children and the carpets

AskBasil · 14/03/2014 19:32

MajorGrinch tht's the point.

As I said earlier, I'm a single parent so I've always had to deal with it.

Society tells me that having a partner, I wouldn't have to. Because er, they're supposed to provide the support and co-parenting that a single parent doesn't have to

Apparently though lots of them don't. Which means someone with a husband is no better off than a single parent when she's ill

Which is interesting.

Friedeggsandwich · 14/03/2014 19:33

Major Grinch, did you write that after reading what Chevis wrote? If so (and even if not tbh) that is one of the most willfully ignorant and cruel things I have ever read during five years on this website. Well done. Angry

Do you genuinely think a man going to work for an extra day is more important than the safety of his wife and children?

CinnabarRed · 14/03/2014 19:34

I don't expect DH to take time off unless I can't function - but equally I expect to be believed on those very rare occasions when I tell him that I can't function. And, TBF, DH listens.

CinnabarRed · 14/03/2014 19:37

Chevis, that sounds awful. I hope you're better now and planning a brighter future

FlirtingFail · 14/03/2014 19:43

This is a sad thread. AskBasil is spot on: it shows how little some men value the work their partners do at home.

And as a WOHM it boils my piss, because I have to take a day off if my child is sick, or if her childminder has a bug. Whereas the men I work with (most of whom are married to SAHMs) never take a day off unless it's them who are ill.

KiwiBanana · 14/03/2014 19:46

My DP made this mistake once and will never again!
I don't often ask but I had bad food poisoning and had about 2 hours sleep, was physically exhausted from puking every 30 mins and had baby DS to look after all day, I couldn't even keep my eyes open. The fucker went off to work first thing in the morning!!
He has never lived it down as it was such a despicable, heartless thing to do IMO.

I've had flu again since and didn't even need to ask him to take a day off this time.

I think with things like bad cold, feeling a bit poorly etc then you just have to get on with it. But when you are actually so ill that you don't feel like you can be responsible for a child in your care then it's down to the other parent to take over.

BuggersMuddle · 14/03/2014 19:52

MajorGrinch Illnesses take a variety of forms, so I think you are being disingenuous to suggest that you can't post on a forum if you are too ill to run around after small children.

I don't have DC, but I have been very ill. I was hospitalised and could post on the internet all day, but couldn't be less than 100 yards from a toilet - if I'd had DC, I couldn't have done a school run for example.

I've had pneumonia and sat reading crap & posting online when I felt able, but could barely make it down the stairs (once I was discharged from hospital). Unless you're very seriously ill, it is possible to have a short term debilitating illness and still use the internet Wink

AskBasil · 14/03/2014 20:17

I wonder if women with stay at home male partners routinely treat them with this cavalier disregard? And how people would feel about them if they did?

Original poster
pleaseno81 · 14/03/2014 20:23

Well I've made it through. I've told DH his upset I am - whether or not it's registered I don't know. I don't think it has as he know ms the crisis is over.

However I have warned him in no uncertain terms next time he's ill he won't be getting to lay in bed all day with no responsibilities and I'll be as mean to him as he has to me. This whole thing has really upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
pleaseno81 · 14/03/2014 20:24

Sorry for typos

OP posts:
GarthsUncle · 14/03/2014 20:26

Glad you got through the day, make sure he pulls most of the weight at the weekend so you can properly recover.

Blatherskite · 14/03/2014 20:31

Glad you made it through op. I had a similar conversation with DH and he was told that it must never happen again.

I joked with people that had I been able to pack them, he'd have come home to find his bags on the doorstep but I genuinely considered it.

copafeel · 14/03/2014 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeverQuiteSure · 14/03/2014 20:55

That's not very kind copafeel. Did you read all the thread?

Swipe left for the next trending thread