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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

428 replies

mummyinbonniescotland · 12/03/2014 19:55

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

OP posts:
mummyinbonniescotland · 13/03/2014 17:47

The woman told me to think about where he goes in his spare time, who with, what are they like, who else had access to his computer/phone, to check his phone/emails in case anythings been forwarded, to search for my name on google, that he may have broken the law regarding pictures of me without my knowledge/consent. Lots covered.

OP posts:
ScarletStar · 13/03/2014 17:59

When you saw the picture of you, was it a large enough picture so that you could see it was definitely you? Not instead maybe someone wearing your clothes? I'm really sorry but that jumped into my head immediately when I read your post.

Logg1e · 13/03/2014 17:59

Oh OP I hope you continue to find support here, but I think you need to tell someone in real life and get some RL support too.

Logg1e · 13/03/2014 18:00

I agree that this would be best moved to Relationships. Some of the questions here are prurient and unhelpful.

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 18:01

Yes, OP I agree. Did she say that a computer expert would be able to help you find out more about what is on, or has been on his computer and where he might have shared it?

So sorry that you're having to go through all this. Keep posting for support. Ignore any posts that are unhelpful to you at the moment, you can always come back to them later if you want to.

ViviPru · 13/03/2014 18:04

I'm not saying it's not uncommon, just I don't trust the OPs account of the scenario to be reliable enough for us all to take it for red that what she thinks she saw isa photoshopped image of her.

(Not that I don't believe that's what she thinks could be the case, just that she's been so vague about the image it's hard to draw firm conclusions)

Pennies · 13/03/2014 18:06

Are you awake / conscious in the picture?

I am wondering if he might have drugged you and taken the pic. SadAngry

SmashleyHop · 13/03/2014 18:09

Just read this and I am in complete and utter shock for you OP. To be violated like this by your own husband is just incomprehensible. I hope you are ok now- and keep up with the police. You need to know if he's been posting these images on the internet. At this point I wouldn't believe a word that came out of his mouth. Try and stay strong.

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 18:12

OP said she was smiling in the picture. She would not do that if she were asleep or unconscious. My understanding is that he admitted photoshopping the picture using her image and porn.

ViviPru · 13/03/2014 18:15

My understanding is that he admitted photoshopping the picture using her image and porn

I'm just confused though because the OP hasn't actually clarified that he has admitted this - just that he's confirmed it's her in the pictures. I'm trying not to be argumentative of facetious but it's relevant to the thread to ascertain exactly how these images came into being - so far as far as I can gather the Photoshopping is still an assumption?

Pennies · 13/03/2014 18:34

yes, ViviPru, that's what I understood too.

Lj8893 · 13/03/2014 18:35

So did he explain how he got the picture?
Was your face in the photo? Could it be someone else wearing your jumper?

GarthsUncle · 13/03/2014 18:39

OP doesn't say in the OP that she was going to the doctor that day - maybe I missed it in a subsequent post.

Hope the image hasn't gone further OP.

Calloh · 13/03/2014 18:54

Garth in a subsequent post OP says something along the lines of 'he took the photo with my phone, have it back to me immediately and the photo was deleted later that day after the appointment'.

Calloh · 13/03/2014 18:55

Gave the phone back, not have the phone back

Landoni112 · 13/03/2014 18:57

I know DH has admitted to altering/photoshopping some images, but if I was OP I would like to view the folder in its entirety to see what I was dealing with, and also to know where (if) the photos might have been shared.
Awkward and difficult, but I would need to do this to forgive and move on (if OP wanted to).

GarthsUncle · 13/03/2014 19:00

Ah yes Grin

formerbabe · 13/03/2014 19:09

This is one of the creepiest things I have ever heard. I don't often say this but I would ltb.

Girlnumbersix · 13/03/2014 19:38

Your husband sounds absolutely revolting. Leave him. He is shit.

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 19:40

How are you doing OP, do you have anyone in rl to support you?

Kandypane · 13/03/2014 20:00

Urgh. This has made me feel sick. How could you ever trust him again? Urgh Urgh Urgh.

AllergyMums · 13/03/2014 20:10

OP - have you told anyone is RL apart from the police? If not then suggest you choose a friend to confide in so you have support. Feeling isolated isn't going to help.

CloverHeart · 13/03/2014 20:18

Oh my god OP you poor thing. Giving you Thanks and a hand to hold if you need it. What a horrible thing to have happened.

If ever there was a thread where OP should be told to LTB, it's this one, right here :(

mummyinbonniescotland · 13/03/2014 20:21

I haven't told anyone in RL, I feel too embarrassed and ashamed to.

DH has been crying and begging forgiveness. But says he's never photoshopped me, never taken pictures without my knowledge. Only pictures he's ever taken are from that trip to the doctors. He won't admit to anything else, he denies it completely.

Its hard to say much as he's home. He's playing with DD now. I can't argue with him with her around.

OP posts:
Lazyjaney · 13/03/2014 20:23

"I've been to the police just for advice at the moment. A lovely lady has talked me through what I can do and things I hadn't really thought about that could have happened that has scared me now"

I assume you neglected to tell the police that you hit your husband, OP?