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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

428 replies

mummyinbonniescotland · 12/03/2014 19:55

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

OP posts:
Logg1e · 13/03/2014 20:28

OP Its hard to say much as he's home. He's playing with DD now. I can't argue with him with her around.

I wouldn't argue, but you're right about a serious adult conversation being needed. I'd kick him out of the house, I couldn't live with a creep like this.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 20:33

Janey shut up, her OH can start his own thread about his wife slapping him if he wants.

OP I would suggest you request this thread to be moved. I would also get your hands on that computer ASAP to either find these files or have an expert do it. You need to know concretely what you are dealing with before you can know how to deal with it.

LiberalLibertine · 13/03/2014 20:35

What? I thought he admitted it was you in the pictures? So what is his theory to how the fuck they got there? Confused

I'd seriously consider asking him to leave for a while op, you've already lost your temper, and he's saying like a dick, so would be best all round.

LiberalLibertine · 13/03/2014 20:36

Acting like a dick, not saying.

Slapperati · 13/03/2014 20:40

My sympathies OP. There was a thread a few months ago by someone who's partner posted her naked photo on 'readers wives' type website. I can't remember how it ended Sad

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 20:48

Why is he crying and begging forgiveness if he's done nothing wrong? What is it that he is sorry for?

I really think that you need to find out what is/was on the computer for your own benefit but as to your relationship - do you want to try and work through this with him, or is it over?

TheVictorian · 13/03/2014 20:51

Op you may find this useful uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100416235026AAU9VA5 Its who owns the copyright to a photo.

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 20:52

For the people saying the OP should move the thread over to relationships to sidestep the issue of her slapping her DH, isn't that a bit shit to imply that the posters who answer threads in relationships will gloss over that bit?

Let's forget what the OP's done and concentrate on what a wankstain her DH is?

I agree that he is getting close to the lowest of the low, and I'm not saying I wouldn't get pretty irate, even violent, if I found out the same information, but don't pretend that it's not important or it's OK given the circumstances.

Punching, slapping, kicking, throwing (heavy or sharp) things, stabbing, throttling, smothering and setting someone on fire are all out, and if you do them you should acknowledge you were totally in the wrong/out of control and have no excuse.

Logg1e · 13/03/2014 20:54

Zig For the people saying the OP should move the thread over to relationships to sidestep the issue of her slapping her DH

Who has said that?

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 20:54

And I don't like the implication that if you point out that slapping someone is domestic violence you're being goady or fitting in with the stereotypical AIBU poster.

It's not goady, it should be the truth.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 20:57

I just don't think her slapping him or not has much to do with the issue that OP has posted and needs help with. I also think that slapping aside, she could get more and perhaps better advice on the relationships boards, especially if she is considering LTB.

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 20:58

'Janey shut up, her OH can start his own thread about his wife slapping him if he wants.

OP I would suggest you request this thread to be moved.'

Alongside the other posters saying she should move it.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 13/03/2014 20:59

OP - he's still lying to you then. You said he took one close up for the doctor, which was deleted after your appointment. Yet, he's admitted what you saw on the pc was you.

He's reeling, because he's been caught out. So sorry.

Lazyjaney · 13/03/2014 21:00

"Janey shut up, her OH can start his own thread about his wife slapping him if he wants"

Yeah right.

This has been the real revelation of this thread, ie how many women on here think it's perfectly OK to hit their husbands.

If the sexes were reversed here you would all be shrieking for his balls head, this is just monumental hypocrisy

Logg1e · 13/03/2014 21:00

ZigZag I meant, where has anyone suggested she move the thread to Relationships in order to escape from people challenging her on the violence?

I was one who said I agreed the thread should move and I was also one of those challenging her on the violence.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 21:00

Zig zag, what I said bears no resemblance to what you implied. I do not think that is why she should move the thread.

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 21:01

The OP posted that she'd slapped him and that makes it an issue nunqua.

But there are no rules to say you're only allowed to discuss what the OP posts about, posters can take the thread in any direction they like.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 21:01

I've also not commented on how right or wrong anyone is for slapping. Not the issue here and has no bearing on what has happened to the OP.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 21:02

Yes they can which is why perhaps it needs to become an advice and support thread. Because that is what OP needs

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 21:03

You minimized her slapping him numqua, saying he doesn't matter and can start his own thread if he's that bothered.

It's there in black and white Grin

slithytove · 13/03/2014 21:04

And how it's hypocritical in any way (when you don't even know if I'm married, or a lesbian, etc etc) to suggest that a thread be moved because it is now talking about a potential break up, is beyond me. That has nothing to do with condoning violence.

But when an OP has been so fucked over by her husband that she has to ask for advice from police about it, it baffles me a little that posters ignore the fact completely only to ask if op told the police that she slapped him.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 21:05

I don't recall saying he didn't matter. And he can very well start his own thread, surely that isn't up for dispute? I think it's more important to help the OP, she has been told several times now that there is no excuse for slapping.

slithytove · 13/03/2014 21:07

More of a response to Janey completely ignoring the OPS problems than a comment on the slapping itself.

But you believe what you like, if a bunch of strangers on mn choose to believe I condone husband slapping because I suggested a thread move, feel free Grin

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 13/03/2014 21:09

I suggested she move to relationships because it is more supportive there - she had people arguing amongst themselves on her thread, mainly about whether she was genuine or not.

I don't care that she slapped him - there I said it.

OP is devastated - she is likely to be far weaker than her husband, and she is feeling utterly violated, betrayed and lied to.

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 21:12

'I don't care that she slapped him - there I said it. '

Hmm
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