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found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

428 replies

mummyinbonniescotland · 12/03/2014 19:55

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

OP posts:
Calloh · 13/03/2014 12:56

mummy this is rubbish for you. But you love this man and you were happily married to him. Presumably saving your marriage is important to you.

Disregard these vagina pictures where you know the vaginas aren't yours. (because of the fingernails). You are fine with him seeing porn so ignore them.

The main problem then is this picture of you with legs akimbo.

As Piper says did you ask him before you went on the PC? The fact that he has no problems with you going on it suggest that he's not feeling guilty. Maybe because there's nothing to feel guilty about.

For both your sakes agree to get someone in to restore your files - tell him your trust has been damaged and you need to know that there was nothing there.

Maybe he's unbothered by that photo because he knows it actually was never there?

It is amazing how unreliable our memories are. A system restore will set your mind at rest.

Calloh · 13/03/2014 12:58

While you are waiting for that person get him to agree to you changing the password on the PC so he can't permanently eradicate anything. Try and stay calm and try to keep an open mind about whether he is telling the truth.

mummyinbonniescotland · 13/03/2014 13:45

Xx

OP posts:
mummyinbonniescotland · 13/03/2014 13:48

Sorry that was a test post to see if my new name was working on iPad

I'm at work so this is brief.

He's been texting me repeatedly apologising.

When I said I was going to the police, he finally admitted the photos were of me and he's deleted them.

Someone asked if I use his PC lots, yes I do, although I don't check the history often. I do wonder if he left them up deliberately but then again that would be stupid as he knows I wouldn't like that at all. I think it may have been accidental as he came to bed late the night before, maybe too tired to notice he hadn't closed it.

More updates after work.

OP posts:
Calloh · 13/03/2014 13:53

Oh my god.

So he actually made the photos of you? Were they photoshopped or had he taken them without consent?

I am so so sorry, that is really shit. I feel sick on your behalf just thinking about it.

Can you trust him again? I don't know whether I would be able to.

ViviPru · 13/03/2014 13:55

What about the fingernails on the close-ups? Surely you'd know if you were having a photo taken of your ladygarden while your fingers are down there? Or are we saying he's taken surreptitious muff-shots of you and photoshopped in some beautifully manicured fingers?

Just so much Confused I don't even know where to start...

piratecat · 13/03/2014 14:03

what an idiot.

LiberalLibertine · 13/03/2014 14:04

Oh love, this would freak me out big time. Especially the lying and the photo shopping thing is just too weird.

Good luck with your talk tonight op.

FabBakerGirl · 13/03/2014 14:09

Secret camera? Do you often have no pants on? I am wondering if he knew he would get "something" or was there a time he asked/you planned to have no pants on and he took advantage?

themaltesefalcon · 13/03/2014 14:14

You poor woman.

FabBakerGirl · 13/03/2014 14:23

So he has only owned up to save his own skin, and not because you were upset and asking Hmm.

AngelaDaviesHair · 13/03/2014 14:44

Oh blimey. Well, at least now you can talk properly, but he should just have admitted all straightaway. It's really not good that he didn't.

Pippintea · 13/03/2014 15:02

Ask him to tell you exactly what he has done OP. Tell him that if you think he is skirting round the truth, you won't listen. He has to be totally honest with you even if it's not going to be easy for either of you.

LEMmingaround · 13/03/2014 15:06

I hope that you manage to get some honest answers out of him, depending on what he says and how you feel about it dictates how you are going to proceed.

My DP has explicit photos of me, that i have taken and sent to him on his phone, he has kept them and i am fine with tht (i would be, i took them). I would also be quite happy for me to take candid pictures of me but i would expect to be shown them! I really would have a problem if he felt he couldn't show me them because i would be questioning why and wondering wtf he wanted them for.

His dishonesty about the whole thing is the major issue for me, as well as the consent - my DP would know it would be perfectly fine to take pictures of my bits (id prefer that to my face - ha!) but he would also be up front about it (to be honest, i don't think he could even be bothered though) But for you (and that is perfectly fine, we are all different) it is not ok, he should have known that it wasn't ok, he DID know that it wasn't ok. He has alot of grovelling and making amends to do, and if you can't get past it, well he only has himself to blame.

Logg1e · 13/03/2014 15:22

What a sneaky, duplicitous little shit.

MeepMeepVrooom · 13/03/2014 15:47

TBH I'm struggling to understand how while x'ing out of a folder when through you own admission you weren't paying much attention that you can recall the picture of you (in detail), the colour of nails in other pictures and the name of the folder Confused

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 16:31

When I said I was going to the police, he finally admitted the photos were of me and he's deleted them.

No surprises there then.

So what he has done is taken ordinary, smiling photos of you and then photoshopped other women's naked lower halves onto your body.

Pretty horrible for you OP.

Then he lied about it to save himself. He did not give one jot for your feelings, OP, or care how upset you were. God knows who else he has shared these images with. He will tell you no-one but I wouldn't believe a word he says.

This man is low, very low.

He said 'images', as in 'more than one', did he tell you how many there were? I would still want to get all the files retrieved so you can see for yourself. I think you need to take the computer to an expert if you can't do this yourself and find out how far he has gone.

LEMmingaround · 13/03/2014 16:37

fairenough - i don't agree, could you imagine the conversation between the OP and the tech people Confused. My last post was a bit off really, i wasn't trying to excuse the DH, just trying to look for scenarios where it would be acceptable. I can't honestly think of them - if its a photoshop thing, i think it would be a deal breaker for me and finding out how far he has gone wouldn't make a jot of difference to me. I think it might well be a case of ignorance is bliss (not ignorance of what he has done but ignorance of if anything is out there because there isnt a great deal the op could do about it).

Really sorry for you OP :(

Sianilaa · 13/03/2014 16:47

Were the images photoshopped or did he do something much more sinister...?

I'm really sorry OP.

LEMmingaround · 13/03/2014 16:59

Sianlaa - what would be more sinister? Do you mean took the pictures while she was asleep? I honestly can't say which i think is worse tbh.

Straitjacket · 13/03/2014 17:00

Are you absolutely certain of what you saw? It's just by your own admission, you wasn't paying much notice and was just clicking x. Were they large thumbnails? That would explain a bit.

Not that I am excusing him, I am just wondering whether he is now panicking and admitting to that because he is scared of what might be found on the computer. I would definitely be downloading one of those free programmes which retrieves deleted files OP and the quicker the better because the longer you leave it, they disappear for good.

OhBabyLilyMunster · 13/03/2014 17:05

Possibly the creepiest thing ive read on here.

You MUST obtain those pictures.

mummyinbonniescotland · 13/03/2014 17:42

I've been to the police just for advice at the moment. A lovely lady has talked me through what I can do and things I hadn't really thought about that could have happened that has scared me now. I'm all over the place ATM Hmm

OP posts:
BOFtastic · 13/03/2014 17:43

Oh no- what did they say?

Anotheronebitthedust · 13/03/2014 17:45

Vivipru why are you being so touchy? Even in my original explanation I never assumed that you didn't know what photoshop was, or how it worked. I just said that using it to put superimpose faces on naked bodies,or similar was really not as uncommon a thing as you suggest.

Although obviously Photoshop as used in offices for official purposes involves less dodgy things (like your polar bear!) sexual related image manipulation is a huge secondary use for it (and the cheaper/other versions of similar software).

I only have a rough knowledge of this myself, but friends who are into fan art/fan videos have said that it is used constantly for that (both innocent versions and sexualised ones - e.g. adding Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton's heads to porn star bodies), and there are millions of those types of work out there. I'm not condoning it at all but why would it be much more unusual for a man to do a similar thing to his partner?