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found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

428 replies

mummyinbonniescotland · 12/03/2014 19:55

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

OP posts:
CrapBag · 12/03/2014 22:48

Ask him why the recycle bin is empty and where is the folder called 'technical'.

Surely he can't deny that, the folder was named to be something you wouldn't look at. Knew exactly what he was doing.

littleducks · 12/03/2014 22:59

oh dear, sounds horrible.

whilst I admit the Dr thing sounds odd I knew someone who was to embarrassed to show their Dr their female they took a picture. turned out they were genitsal warts and needed treating so Dr saw them in the flesh anyway Hmm but it's not totally unbelievable to me

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2014 23:05

You first Vivi Grin

'If he denies all knowledge then he will support you calling the police won't he?'

You'd hope so wouldn't you?

The OP should be contacting them even if she knows for sure that he took them, I would be concerned if she can't remember the situation and wondering why.

TheBody · 12/03/2014 23:05

we'll op sorry if this is for real but got to say again a photo of your vagina boil the sane day you are seeing the GP? why?

you don't recognise your own vagina or legs? or you do? and do you recognise the setting? why did your dh have to take the picture if the boil? surely you could have done that yourself.

just confused really.

Lazyjaney · 12/03/2014 23:12

"If he denies all knowledge then he will support you calling the police won't he?"

Good idea. They can deal with the DV incident at the same time.

Or am I the only one here who thinks hitting, throwing things and screaming at someone is far more serious than a girlie pic of a wife on a PC?

Anotheronebitthedust · 12/03/2014 23:17

vivi - the photoshop thing is really not as ridiculous as it first appears - people do it all the time with celebrities. And OPs husband is a photographer so could easily do it and may explain why he would be more likely to do it iykwim? - if he spends all day minimising pores, reducing hip size, adding in completely different backgrounds he may have become desensitized to how weird is to 'alter reality' like that.

If it is real, this is still one of the weirdest threads I'e ever read on here though.

Lazyjaney - not sure what you are inferring? OPs reaction doesn't seem particularly ott - If this was me I don't think I'd be able to sit down and discuss it calmly over a cup of tea!

Caitlin17 · 12/03/2014 23:19

Lazeyjaney if this thread is true the picture is not a girlie pic of a wife. It's either a picture somehow actually of the OP taken without her consent or a real picture of her photoshpped without her consent to make it pornographic.

Anotheronebitthedust · 12/03/2014 23:22

Lazyjaney It's not just a 'girly pic' (weird term btw Confused) - it is a non consensual image (whether real or photoshopped) of someone in a vulnerable position that could cause huge damage and humiliation if it was found/shared.

People have been imprisoned for spying and taking naked photos of others without their consent.

how would you like it if the person you trusted most in the world did this to you? Why are you victim blaming?

fifi669 · 12/03/2014 23:33

So..... One picture OP recognises as herself that she doesn't remember being taken. Plus photos of vaginas she doesn't know are hers. Maybe she forgot? Maybe the other photos are just images from porn sites?

Also pretty sure it's victim blaming to say the DH deserved violence after what he's done. Allegedly.

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2014 23:35

I posted at 22.12 saying I thought it was OTT Lazyjaney, but I'm not sure I'd go as far as trying to work out which is worse.

They're both pretty shit and don't think you could argue there's an excuse for either.

Sorry for doing the obvious, but I don't think the OPs remark about hitting and throwing things would have been ignored by posters or excused as 'not particularly ott' in the same way if the OP was a bloke.

OpalQuartz · 12/03/2014 23:39

No they wouldn't have been.

zippey · 12/03/2014 23:40

You can use a free software called Piriform Recuva to recover deleted files from a flash drive or any kind of hard disk.

MostWicked · 12/03/2014 23:46

It sounds like this is a photoshopped image. There is no way that the police would have any interest in this. There is 1 photo that the OP saw for a split second, didn't see properly, that there is now no evidence of. There is no evidence to suggest that this has been shared.
I'm pretty sure this isn't even a crime.

OP, you and your DH need to talk. No shouting, hitting or throwing things, just talking. He won't own up to anything if he feels backed into a corner.
He's obviously trying to meet a high sex drive so I understand the porn, but I'm not so sure about this.

ViviPru · 12/03/2014 23:53

I get the point about the DH being able to do it, I'm a graphic designer and trained photographer and manipulate images in Photoshop in a professional capacity every single day (I had to clothe an ice-skating polar bear in fair isle knitwear today, true story)

My incredulity is the fact she recognises the setting and the clothes, suggesting he's taken a perfectly innocent photo of her sitting fully clothed and chucked porno spread-legs over the top? Yes it's possible but really? Is this reallywhat the OP has seen? It just sound implausible to me.

BurntPancake · 13/03/2014 07:24

If this thread is true op then you need to leave your DH. You don't like what he's doing (and I agree it's unacceptable) and you have hit him and thrown things. Hitting is unacceptable. You really need to end the relationship.

Lazyjaney · 13/03/2014 07:27

"how would you like it if the person you trusted most in the world did this to you? Why are you victim blaming?"

WTF? This thread is totally surreal!

Do you lot seriously think that a person having a few naked pix of their partner on their PC is an OK reason for hitting someone and throwing stuff at them?

Your moral compasses are totally fucked.

maggiemight · 13/03/2014 07:35

Haven't read all threads.

I would wonder if he is selling stuff to 'my wife likes porn' or 'girl next door porn sites' or similar. There is prob a market for what are supposed to be viewers photos.

YouTheCat · 13/03/2014 07:39

Nothing wrong with pics taken/adapted with consent. Without consent is wrong and is why we have laws about this kind of thing.

Great that you'd be fine with it, Lazey. How very progressive of you. Hmm But the OP isn't fine with it. Her dh clearly knew that or he wouldn't have hidden the photos and wouldn't nag her for sex either - total lack of respect on both counts and I can see why the OP is furious about it.

mummyinbonniescotland · 13/03/2014 07:45

Hi everyone, just a wee update.

First of all, yes its all real. I'm not a troll or whatnot. I've been a MNr for years (penguin guy, do you dunk etc).

I slept with DD in my bed last night. I can't let him touch me. I have to take time to think. I haven't told anyone else (like my parents, who would march me to a divorce lawyer and probably kill DH).

About the pictures - I saw them as I was closing down several wedding picture folders he had up. he had several folders up and I was just clicking x after x absentmindedly and caught sight of the contents as I was clicking the x. I could only see some vaginas, a picture of me legs spread, and the name of the folder. The pictures are close up of vaginas, with them being held open. I've just remembered some of them had nail varnish in colours I don't wear. In fact, my nails are messier.

DH keeps saying sorry. He's sorry about the porn but as for pictures, potentially of me, he doesn't say sorry. He just says 'I don't have any pictures' over and over. The fact he's not apologising, or being concerned, tells me he did indeed get me out of the room so he could delete them.

As for me hitting him. It was a bag and clothes I threw at him and told him to pack (he didn't) and the hitting was slapping his face. I do believe other women would have done the same.

OP posts:
Lazyjaney · 13/03/2014 07:52

"Great that you'd be fine with it, Lazey. How very progressive of you. But the OP isn't fine with it"

It's the hitting and throwin band screaming I'm not fine with, and the view that a few naked pix makes it OK to hit people.

Actually it's not hitting people, it's hitting men that's OK. If this thread had reversed sexes you'd all be spitting tacks, and rightly so.

You are all massively minimising DV, the attitudes on here are quite shocking.

YouTheCat · 13/03/2014 07:56

Nothing makes it okay to hit people but I can see why the OP is so angry especially in the face of his denial.

You are massively minimising too and victim blaming - nice.

piratecat · 13/03/2014 08:07

ask him the question

where has the technical folder gone.

or do that thing with the computer where you choose a system restore point from a couple weeks ago.

computer people would this bring back deleted folder.?

AgentZigzag · 13/03/2014 08:11

'I do believe other women would have done the same.'

They might have done the same, but they would also have been in the wrong.

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 08:16

Firstly OP I still don't understand why you are angry about the porn. You knew he used it, there was no need for him to 'admit' it.

You are probably so upset about his other actions that you are focussing on the wrong thing. If you don't want to be with someone who uses porn then fine, that's up to you and you can leave if you want. But that's really a side issue here.

The massive red flag is the images of you that he has altered and then denied all knowledge of.

How did that picture of you get on the computer? There are only two possibilities

  1. He put it there or 2) Someone else put it there.

No if he is adamant it wasn't him, you must report this to the police because someone else is putting half naked pictures of you on your computer for anyone to see and the police woud most definitely would be interested in that.

But logic tells us that the second option is the most unlikely. So that leaves the first, most obvious, which is that your dh did it. He won't admit it so again you have two choices.

  1. Accept it, ignore it, forget about it or 2) take action

Which do you want to do OP?

justmyview · 13/03/2014 08:18

Agree with Zigzag - no excuse for hitting / slapping, whatever the circumstances.

Beyond that, I have huge sympathy for OP. Whole story sounds weird.