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found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

428 replies

mummyinbonniescotland · 12/03/2014 19:55

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooom · 14/03/2014 14:11

And I have been a victim of DV. This to me isn't the same. Not because of sex reversal but because of circumstance.

ViviPru · 14/03/2014 14:14

DennyDifferent Fri 14-Mar-14 12:05:16
I don't understand what he has admitted to and what he has denied.

No me neither; Going solely on the OPs posts, she has fleetingly seen a photo of herself but posing in a sexually explicit way that she does not recall.

We (and the OP) do not know how this photo came into being. Her DH claims he has NOT photoshopped a picture of her.

There are also sexually explicit close-up images, not of her.

I understand how this could be deeply upsetting for the OP, but IMO not enough has been made of HOW the naked photo of the OP has come into being.

The DH is clearly very rattled by this, suggesting he has been behaving in an underhand worrying manner, perhaps the OP has just seen he tip of the iceberg. It could be argued that the origin of the image doesn't matter, the fact it's there at all is enough.

It would be very revealing though to learn the DH's explanation for the legs-apart photo of her. A rational explanation from him resulting in the OP facepalming with an "Oh yes I remember! Silly me!" sounds very unlikely, but even so, this entire thread, the OPs current situation and her deep distress all stems from one image she saw very briefly and that she can't be sure of who or what it really depicts.....

seeminglyso · 14/03/2014 14:16

He does sound like a sneaky fucker!

Straitjacket · 14/03/2014 14:19

I agree Meep, but as previous poster just said, maybe this is the tip of the iceberg. We don't know what this man is hiding, or how devious he actually is.

All I am advising the OP is just to be careful and not to give him any ammunition. Surely that is sensible advice? She thought she knew this man, but obviously not. She has no idea what he is capable of. He may of got police advice himself saying she attacked him, or got a friend to take a picture etc. God knows what he could of done.

OP needs to tread carefully and try her best to get hold of that file!

PiperRose · 14/03/2014 14:20

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PiperRose · 14/03/2014 14:20

On the block

AngelaDaviesHair · 14/03/2014 14:23

No need for it on the thread, surely? Just report.

ViviPru · 14/03/2014 14:24

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seeminglyso · 14/03/2014 14:24

Its this line that confuses me

''But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD''.

''I dont remember''...You either did pose or you didn't?

'even if I had' .... '...Again you either did or you didn't?

MeepMeepVrooom · 14/03/2014 14:28

Piper I know what you mean...

I've already asked about how several pictures were remembered in detail and the name of the file when OP said she wasn't paying much attention x'ing out.

Also the has he admitted it or not.

But giving the benefit of the doubt that it is true I think there is possibly more to the story.

ViviPru · 14/03/2014 14:28

This is what baffles me:
I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

If I saw sexually explicit close-ups on my DHs laptop, particularly ones depicting unfamiliar carefully polished nails as the OP recalls mine are a fucking state my first assumption would NOT be that these images were "pictures of MY privates" Confused

ViviPru · 14/03/2014 14:29

But giving the benefit of the doubt that it is true I think there is possibly more to the story.

I agree

mummyinbonniescotland · 14/03/2014 17:06

I have an appt with a counsellor next week. I'm at my mums now.

NotsoDH has admitted to watching porn and having naked pictures of me. It's still not clear how he got them.

He strongly denies photoshopping pictures. He also says he's never put them on the net, shown them to anyone else, been with anyone else.

He's sorry for hurting me and lying to me. Me and dd are the most impt people to him yadda yadda.

He's sorry for putting me at risk of the image being seen/used by anyone else. He's sorry for risking dd seeing them.

He keeps saying sorry and using the words 'bad decision'

I hope this answers some questions.

OP posts:
seeminglyso · 14/03/2014 17:11

When you asked him how he got them what did he say?

hamptoncourt · 14/03/2014 17:13

So if he didn't photo shop them, are you concluding that he drugged you to take the photos, since you do not recall having them taken?

zzzzz · 14/03/2014 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ukatlast · 14/03/2014 17:14

''NotsoDH has admitted to watching porn and having naked pictures of me'

Neither of these is a crime, I don't think.

ViviPru · 14/03/2014 17:17

Quite.

YouTheCat · 14/03/2014 17:17

I'd say taking naked pictures without consent is a crime.

ViviPru · 14/03/2014 17:24

My 'Quite' was to zzzzz. They may or may not be a crime, how the got them is the question.....

VeryStressedMum · 14/03/2014 17:35

So, did he actually take the photos of women's vaginas? We're they photos or has he taken them off the internet or somewhere else?
Are you upset because he has porn like images on his computer or because he has taken photos of other women? Or because he has that photo of you on there? Sorry I'm just a bit confused.

slithytove · 14/03/2014 17:38

I found out the other day that oh had taken a video while we were having sex. No faces, just thrusting. (Tmi, sorry) While I was pissed off, I didn't delete it and was happy to leave the matter there, other than a bit of teasing now and again. I did make it clear that it was a violation.

Anyway, my point was, that this wasn't a big deal for us.

I am in no way saying your reaction is wrong. I am wondering though what else you may be concerned about or what might have gone on for this to be a possible relationship breaker for you.

Do you think he drugged you? I am confused and worried that he has naked photos he has admitted are you, but that you can't think of a single chance he had to take them. Especially if your face is in them.

DorothyBastard · 14/03/2014 17:42

Until you know how he's got the picture of you you will never be able to believe anything else he says.

piratecat · 14/03/2014 17:55

why won't he tell you how he did them?

Logg1e · 14/03/2014 18:38

Can anyone else imagine hearing this confession and not asking how he got the photos??

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