AIBU or is DH? We are buying a house and yet he wants to book a really expensive holiday

[WellHelloThere]

Hi
My husband and I are in the process of buying a house and will be exchanging in late April, originally before we found the house, we were looking to go to the Far East for a big holiday for around 3.5 weeks costing around 4-6k. However now that we are buying the house I dont think we should go as we are meant to be exchanging around this time, nothing has been booked and prices are getting really expensive. When I mentioned this to my husband he got really angry with me as apparently I dont understand the stress he is under and he deserves a holiday. Well hello, I work long hours and contribute too and I need a holiday but spending a lot of money on a holiday when we have furniture to buy and costs to cover of moving into a new house seems barmy to me. Who is BU am I being overly tight - I havent ever bought a property before so worrying about costs and money at the mo so looking at holidays doesnt seem prudent? Have I been too harsh on my DH and cancelling potential plans? I honestyl assumed once we got the go ahead for the house the holiday was off! Any thoughts/advice much appreciated :)

It all depends how much money you have.

Removal, solicitors costs etc can be thousands.

Sort the house and move in .

No point paying for an expensive holiday which you might have to cancel due to the timing of the house move.

Well it depends on whether you can afford to spend that sort of money on a holiday on top of moving expenses. If you can then fine, if it is going to really clear you out then it's a ridiculous idea.

I deserve a lot of things...doesn't mean I get them though.

I would be thinking like you, OP. Buying a house can be so expensive. You need some contingency for things you hadn't anticipated (especially if this is the first time you've bought a house). It is only 6 weeks from now, no holiday has been booked, what is the harm in waiting until you're in the house before deciding on the holiday budget?

Perhaps throw DH an olive branch and agree that a holiday will be a great idea after the move has happened, that it would add more stress to book it now (so better to wait until after) and that you can better budget fpr the holiday after the move costs have been paid. Then, if you don't have any money left - a caravan in Bognor!

People need something to look forward to. Make sure that you have a holiday planned for well after the house completes. See if this is a compromise you can both live with.

You might want to discuss cause rather than symptoms with him. If he's stressed then a money conversation may not help solve it, nor will an "I'm more stressed than you" competition.

Are there other things you could arrange that he can look forward to that will help his stress? Without knowing all the ins and outs of your financial situation I couldn't say if the holiday is a good idea or not. I'd still go, but then I'd have booked flights already as they're cheaper far in advance.

I'd suggest a cheaper holiday somewhere in Europe as a compromise.

I'm with you here OP in that I wouldn't want to be tied to a v expensive holiday both for the cost and that it might be a problem with timing of the house exchange/completion.

But it is important to have something to look forward to and a break.

Have 2 or 3 weeks booked off work tho, then if Ll is going well with the house you can get off somewhere in the Uk or Europe last min for a break. Or somewhere more exotic if money isn't such an issue.

I

TBH , I wouldn't enjoy a holiday knowing that I begrudged the money I'd spent on it.
And if I was moving house, I could think of a load of things better suited to £6000 than three weeks in the Far East

I guess it depends on your financial situation. Though it sounds like if you are worried abut the cost then you probably don't have a limitless money pot.

I'd compromise on this to be honest. Maybe book a much cheaper holiday (Europe etc) for a couple of weeks so you and DH can still have a break, and plan to go to the Far East in a year or so, when you won't have so many other financial commitments going on. From experience, house buying tends to throw up a lot of unexpected expenses, so I'd probably err on the side of caution on booking a £4-6000 holiday right now. x

We have recently moved and have decided against going on holiday this summer. That money, which would have gone on a week or 10 days abroad will instead pay for sofas, curtains etc. But surely there is a compromise to be made? Instead of 3.5 weeks long haul, couldn't you do a week in Spain or something? I know it's not really the same but at least it's a break?

thank you all really appreciate you all agreeing with me ! but seriously you are right will move in first then can plan a proper holiday once we know what money we have left over. Might even get a little weekend trip to Venice or something. And yes as whereisshe said we do need to stop the whole contest about who is more stressed - we seem to do that a lot and need to knock it on its head! Thank you all for your lovely replies

You may or may not be able to actually afford the holiday on top of a house move - but if the two co-incide the hol might cost you more than the the cash!

Is it completion or exchange that will clash with the holiday? It is a long time to be away for in the middle of a house purchase, and the period around exchange and completion can be very busy. Before, or once you have exchanged you will need to put buildings insurance in place, arrange your removal van, sort out your utilities, sort out your post re-direction, do lots of address changes, etc etc. The process could well stall if you are not around to sign things for your solicitor.

How much flexibility do you have over when you take an extended holiday?

I think you both need to sit down and work out how it will work in practice. Are there other buyers and sellers on your chain? You may fnd that others are not prepared to wait 3.5 weeks for you to come back from hol to exchange, and once you have exchanged - that is your packing and admin time ready for completion. There are loads of things that have to be signed in advance of Exchange - mortgage offer,

You could discuss the timescale with your solicitor and EA.

I agree with you too. I think any time we've moved, taking a 3 week holiday close to exchange would have meant losing the house. There was always something to sign or an estate agent / solicitor to chase. I would have found it hugely stressful being on holiday

I was on holiday when we were buying a house, there were issues with the sale and contact with the mortgage company and solicitors was very difficult .... we were only in Wales!!

Each time we've bought we've been messed around during the last few weeks and have needed to be around to push things forward / agree stuff / sort out stuff / stand our ground. Would mainly worry about the delay to the house purchase myself.

The whole property purchase alone is stressful enough when you're IN the country, let alone abroad. I reckon wait until you complete and then decide on a holiday. Even if your exchange / completion is scheduled for when you come back, there is so much paperwork involved and questions to be answered from either side's solicitor etc. If you're not around the process may take longer.