AIBUs from/about fictional characters

[ProudAS]

I'll start

AIBU to report neighbours to social services

Their 11YO DS appears to be morbidly obese and IMO is getting to look more and more like a pig. I think I saw a curly tail poking out of his trousers.

Their DNephew on the other hand appears malnourished. He's also 11 and has lived with them since he was a baby and his DPs died. I've heard rumours that they lock him in the cupboard under the stairs and make him sleep in there. FFS the house has 4 bedrooms and they only have 1 DC.

It's now getting more suspicious. DNephew hasn't been around for a while and apparently he's away at a school for incurably criminal boys. He's always seemed well behaved to me and I was unaware that such schools existed.

I don't want to poke my nose in but WWYD?

Was I BU to leave DCs alone whilst I popped out in an errand. DH thinks I was especially as the weather was dreadful and being cooped up in the house they were bound to wreck it.

I was pleasantly surprised to find everything in place but the DCs were cagey about what they'd been up to and the goldfish seemed traumatised.

Yes, Ethan Frome

AIBU to be worried that my DGS is making things up? He won a competition to go on some sort of trip to the local confectionery factory and has come home saying he now owns it. I'd go round and have a word with the owner myself to clear things up but I'm bedridden.

Also, my MIL lets him eat far too much chocolate - WIBU to suggest we all start eating more healthily? I have a lovely cabbage soup recipe.

That should be DIL

aibu to send pore nigel and molesworth 2 to porridge court?

big skool at st custards is simply terible my dere. the masters are all bulies the boys live in fere of them and GRIMES the headmaster give anybode 6 at the drop of a hat chiz. all day there is o but lat hist fr algy geog eng maths div trig ect ect and all molesworth 2 hav lernt to pla on the piano is fairy bells which sound like an atommick xplosion anybode would hav thort the wurld hav ended. pore nigel hav o frends xcept peason who hav a face like a squished tomato and fotherington-tomas who is a gurl anywa. they liv on skool sossages and skool cheese and hav o tele they are wasting awa the pore mites.

and then there are the fees they make yore eyes water when he see the bill dh go mad his hare stand on end smoke pore from his ears sparks fly from his cote and fire shoot from his hem-hem.

surely porridge court canot be wurse eh?

aibu to send pore nigel and molesworth 2 to porridge court?

big skool at st custards is simply terible my dere. the masters are all bulies the boys live in fere of them and GRIMES the headmaster give anybode 6 at the drop of a hat chiz. all day there is o but lat hist fr algy geog eng maths div trig ect ect and all molesworth 2 hav lernt to pla on the piano is fairy bells which sound like an atommick xplosion anybode would hav thort the wurld hav ended. pore nigel hav o frends xcept peason who hav a face like a squished tomato and fotherington-tomas who is a gurl anywa. they liv on skool sossages and skool cheese and hav o tele they are wasting awa the pore mites.

and then there are the fees they make yore eyes water when he see the bill dh go mad his hare stand on end smoke pore from his ears sparks fly from his cote and fire shoot from his hem-hem.

surely porridge court canot be wurse eh?

aibu to send pore nigel and molesworth 2 to porridge court?

big skool at st custards is simply terible my dere. the masters are all bulies the boys live in fere of them and GRIMES the headmaster give anybode 6 at the drop of a hat chiz. all day there is o but lat hist fr algy geog eng maths div trig ect ect and all molesworth 2 hav lernt to pla on the piano is fairy bells which sound like an atommick xplosion anybode would hav thort the wurld hav ended. pore nigel hav o frends xcept peason who hav a face like a squished tomato and fotherington-tomas who is a gurl anywa. they liv on skool sossages and skool cheese and hav o tele they are wasting awa the pore mites.

and then there are the fees they make yore eyes water when he see the bill dh go mad his hare stand on end smoke pore from his ears sparks fly from his cote and fire shoot from his hem-hem.

surely porridge court canot be wurse eh?

aibu to send pore nigel and molesworth 2 to porridge court?

big skool at st custards is simply terible my dere. the masters are all bulies the boys live in fere of them and GRIMES the headmaster give anybode 6 at the drop of a hat chiz. all day there is o but lat hist fr algy geog eng maths div trig ect ect and all molesworth 2 hav lernt to pla on the piano is fairy bells which sound like an atommick xplosion anybode would hav thort the wurld hav ended. pore nigel hav o frends xcept peason who hav a face like a squished tomato and fotherington-tomas who is a gurl anywa. they liv on skool sossages and skool cheese and hav o tele they are wasting awa the pore mites.

and then there are the fees they make yore eyes water when he see the bill dh go mad his hare stand on end smoke pore from his ears sparks fly from his cote and fire shoot from his hem-hem.

surely porridge court canot be wurse eh?

Someone sat in my spot. Aibu to be rationally annoyed about this?

I'm at a party. AIBU to wonder why this man keeps following me around trying to make me put on a glass slipper? It's a bit pervy, if you ask me. WWYD?

My daughter has found a box which she says is from Pandora. I can't see anything on it to say its from the shop itself. She really wants to open to open it, I don't want her to, have a strange feeling about this! Wwyd?

Chiz chiz Chateauferret!

Aibu to think I'm going mad?

My daughter says she's being followed around by a wolf. I thought she meant the creepy old man from No 31, but then I saw it walking down the high street pulling faces at people. No one paid any attention. My daughter says he was put in a zoo, but he escaped. Most worrisome is the fact she seems to like him.

Good old Molesworth! The Godfather of Text-speak

Aibu ti think that law enforcement in this country is rubbish?

My car was stolen and crashed by a gigantic toad. He went to prison, but escaped. Not only that, but he stole a horse, and crashed my car again!

He ran off, and is living in a prominent stately home, but the authorities arent doing anything.

Aibu to think it's one law for the rich and another for the rest of us?

chateauferret any fule kno

AIBU to think this strange creature my siblings and I found in a quarry is a bit of a twat?

I know we shouldn't be accepting favours from people we don't know, but it seemed alright to start with and now he seems to be stitching us up at every turn. We only wanted our rubbish little brother to be a bit more grown up and he was transformed into a total knobhead.

I suppose it may be our own fault for talking to strangers and calling each other animal names. WWYD?

AIBU to worry about what's happening in the house up the road in our rural area? My neighbour was a nurse at our local hospital and she's becoming increasingly strange and has started buying a lot more food than normal. There were some horrendous noises the other night that sounded like a chainsaw and screaming. Should I call the police?

Chateauferret wins the Mrs Joyful prize.

omg did she buy writing paper as well?

Reams of it. And some typewriter ribbons. Seriously, in this day and age...

perhaps ask the local police officer to pop round?

I'll ask the sheriff. Last time I saw him, he was checking out some skids on the road and some broken down bushes leading down to the canyon...

This rather unusual chap I've never met before (I think he said his name was Samuel) has been calling and suggesting frankly unhealthy breakfast options for our family.

He also seems to think we might wish to eat his offerings in rather strange places and on decidedly unsafe modes of personal transport!

I'm thinking of a restraining order unless he's able to explain why mouldy bacon and eggs is a good idea.

Though there is the option of trying it and seeing if I do, in fact, find it tasty.

WWYD?