To find MIL's email a bit loaded/ annoying?

[AndSheRose]

Have cut and pasted almost exactly the content below:

Hi there AndSheRose
You must be having a very busy time - when we did FaceTime, Mr AndSheRose looked shattered and you were having rest! Joys of young children! We've been looking at xxxx website, as that is what Mr A said was a good idea (for DC's bday present) and does DS like...(seemingly spurious question here about preferring blue or green)...
Hope you are well apart from tired.
Love from MIL

To put in context: we don't communicate much on email and DH does sometimes act all martyrish to his parents re: workloads etc. Day in question DH had definitely had a more restful time than me - I got up v early with our toddler, I took our other DC to a class several miles away during toddler's nap time etc - but naturally the few minutes I was having a cup of tea in peace, they FaceTime each other.
Feel like MIL has basically sent an email under pretence of needing advice about a present and in it implied I am not taking a fair share of the load and DH is getting raw deal - not true. (I am currently SAHM, DH works full time, normal hours, hence we are both busy). Has been winding me up all day and we are supposed to be going on holiday with them soon and now I just don't want to go (not in petty way, I just don't feel as excited about it any more).
Obviously it could be interpreted as innocent chit chat, but she can be quite shrewd in her point-making. What do others think?

Reads like a dig to me. Reply as if she meant to sympathise with you ("oh thank you so much for asking! Yes we've been shattered - it's lovely to know you understand! I suppose you remember the feeling as if it were yesterday!") and it will annoy her without saying/doing anything that could be perceived as wrong. Mwahahaha

I think perhaps it is a dig but could be read either way. It's either "Gosh you must all have been exhausted" or "Gosh my PFB (ie your DH) is looking exhausted while his evil, hedonistic wife lives the lap of luxury." I think it's the latter but she'll say the former if pressed!!

It's not a dig - she prefaces the shattered DH and you having a rest comment with "You must be having a very busy time" as in both of you and then sympathises as she remembers the 'joys of young children'.

That you think it might be a dig actually says far more about you than it does her.

I like ladypete's idea. If you respond as if your MIL meant to be sympathetic then if she was having a dig she will know it didn't have any impact and if she wasn't then you won't start an argument over a misunderstanding.

I once phoned ex whilst he was in his own country to say ds had swallowed a penny. mil answered and said I should let him rest as he was on holiday and she would tell him when he woke up ( it was 11am!!) . I was fuming so mad that I couldn't translate what I wanted to say into french!! but trust me exh copped it!! some mil think the sun shines out of thier sons arses unfortunately!

I definitely see the dig.

With my MiL this would be a dig but it took me a while to figure out there were any digs , as I come from a family of direct communicators (who to be fair fall out a lot but then make up!)

It all depends on what her normal style is.

It wouldn't occur to me to read that as a dig, unless there's a history of such PA type comments.

On its own though, no reason to suggest she's anything but being nice IMO.

You risk looking like a loon if you react to it as if it were a dig.

oh thank you so much for asking! Yes we've been shattered - it's lovely to know you understand! I suppose you remember the feeling as if it were yesterday!

I like that. Absolutely can't be accused of being horrible.

There's often a backstory to threads so if MIL is fond of the subtle stab with a stiletto then yes it was a dig. In which case PomBear has offered a great reply. Otherwise i'd say it looks as though she recalls the strain of parenting and appreciates you are both under pressure.

Had it not been for this email would you have looked forward to the trip away with PILs?

(I remember after a particularly fractious day of pfb teething and poo-nami I nipped off to the loo for two self-indulgent minutes leaving DH to literally hold the baby, during which time his mum rang and when he passed the phone to me she said reproachfully, "He has had such a long day in the office and hasn't even had time to change out of his suit" wtf).