To find MIL's email a bit loaded/ annoying?

[AndSheRose]

Have cut and pasted almost exactly the content below:

Hi there AndSheRose
You must be having a very busy time - when we did FaceTime, Mr AndSheRose looked shattered and you were having rest! Joys of young children! We've been looking at xxxx website, as that is what Mr A said was a good idea (for DC's bday present) and does DS like...(seemingly spurious question here about preferring blue or green)...
Hope you are well apart from tired.
Love from MIL

To put in context: we don't communicate much on email and DH does sometimes act all martyrish to his parents re: workloads etc. Day in question DH had definitely had a more restful time than me - I got up v early with our toddler, I took our other DC to a class several miles away during toddler's nap time etc - but naturally the few minutes I was having a cup of tea in peace, they FaceTime each other.
Feel like MIL has basically sent an email under pretence of needing advice about a present and in it implied I am not taking a fair share of the load and DH is getting raw deal - not true. (I am currently SAHM, DH works full time, normal hours, hence we are both busy). Has been winding me up all day and we are supposed to be going on holiday with them soon and now I just don't want to go (not in petty way, I just don't feel as excited about it any more).
Obviously it could be interpreted as innocent chit chat, but she can be quite shrewd in her point-making. What do others think?

It's impossible to know whether she was having a dig or not. If it was a dig she will probably make more, similar comments so I would wait and see before feeling annoyed.

I wouldn't like it, it reads a bit like a dig. She obviously doesn't do a once-over of her emails before pressing send.

As the grand high priestess of the queendom of Passiva Agressiva, let me assure you, that was a dig.

(I'm working on it, despite what DH will tell you. Got it from my mother, nasty personality trait)

^Me too. I hear quite a lot about my passive aggressive tendencies from the family unit. Also inherited from my mother. It's not a good way to go at all.

It can definitely be read as a pointed sneaky remark. Or not, which is probably how it was intended - passive aggressive people usually like to pretend (even to themselves) that they don't "mean it that way".

I wouldn't try and play games by sending back a coded snarky response though, I'd just be honest about what happened and how her email made you feel.

I read it as a dig too but maybe I'm just prickly!

Depends whether there was really an exclamation mark after rest.

"Yes FaceTime is very harsh. I thought afterwards how bloody rough you looked too.
Ds doesn't like blue or green, asked if it comes in pink.
Love you lots. Xx"

I would read it as a dig, but I think I'm a naturally suspicious person .

I'd just respond neutrally with an answer to the spurious question and no reference to how tired or rested any of you are.

But be prepared to stand up for yourself on holiday...

The email could be a dig / could be innocent - it all depends on context. It's the kind of thing my MIL would say - well, actually, it would be pretty mild for her in the passive aggressive digs stakes.

I'd love to send ohwhatfuckerys's response, but in reality would probably just respond to the bit about the b-day present & ignore the rest. V. difficult to pull someone up on this kind of comment as they will certainly deny any malicious intent.

My MIL is an expert at passive aggression. She almost caused a permenant rift last xmas with BIL and SIL by making a very similar dig about her son's suppposed need for rest. There is only a certain amount you can take before there is a snap back! Therefore I would take it as a dig.

Oh, missed the bit about you going on holiday with them.

Agree with OnlyLovers - if it happens when you're face to face, address it clearly & stand up for yourself. There was a thread recently about good comments to use in this kind of situation with PA MILs /similar. Probably a good few pages into AIBU now, but might be worth looking for - I got lots of ideas.

That's the sort of thing my MIL would say and it would definitely be a thinly veiled dig.

nope sorry I would be annoyed at that.

I took it that she worded her email improperly and meant to say "must have been a hard day if DH looked so shattered and you were needing a rest already"... as in she'd noticed you both looked weary.

That's how I read it. I'd suggest that you phone her your reply rather than email. You'll pick up any PA undertones then, but email is notoriously easy to misinterpret......

With an older generation they can be a bit clumsy at email I think. Rather than look for offence, just take it that it is oddly worded. Sounds like you do have a lot on, so just let it go, otherwise it'll be another thing to worry about!

Not a dig.

I'm afraid I would be taking this as a thinly veiled dig, I'd probably say something like "yes, we were both tired... I'd been up early with toddler and needed 5 minutes with caffeine, dh was more than happy to take over and give me a break and call you. early to bed for us tonight!!"

It reads to me as a dig - poor DH looked so tired and you were sat on your ass

If it was coming from MiL, it would be a dig. She has form for this kind of thing and it wouldn't be coming from a nice point of view.

But if she's never written anything like that before or never made those kind of comments, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt

sorry had to laugh at the email. yes of course it's a dig op but personally I would ignore or send PomBears that's fantastic.

just as a balance my lovely mil would have told dh to man up and leave me to sleep. my mil was ace.

I had to read it twice because your username made it confusing.

MrAndSheRose looked shattered and you were having rest!

That is a definite dig, no!!

The first time I read it, I thought she was saying DH AND you looked shattered.

I saw it as a dig.

Did she call dh or did dh call her? Just unlucky it happened when you were sitting down with a cup of tea, eh?