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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ring school tomorrow

91 replies

ThePinkOcelot · 11/03/2014 19:48

My dd is in year 8 and the head of year has sent an email to the other teachers to say pupils should not be allowed to use the toilet during lessons.

I don't know about you, but when I need to go, I need to go. I think this is just plain wrong. I am thinking about ringing tomorrow to say so.

I should imagine it would be disruptive if the whole class decided they needed the loo, but I don't think that will happen. Dd asked and the teacher said wait until next lesson then of course the next teacher said no.

Holding on causes UTIs and sitting on the loo for the sake of it trying to go causes haemorrhoids.

Would I be unreasonable to complain?

OP posts:

foodtech · 11/03/2014 22:17

Pupils in our school were sneaking out and having sex in the toilets. Now we can't let anyone out, however as has been said common sense is used. Also the teenage girls at my school just shout across the class "so so so's got their period they need to go". I wish they were shy.

StabInTheDark · 11/03/2014 22:21

Kids aren't idiots either... if there's a complete ban but some are allowed to go, little Johnny will be complaining (which is possibly more disruptive) and everyone else will wise up to it. Plus, a ban will make some kids just too embarassed to ask. Why can't there be no ban and the teacher use their discretion anyway?

ikeaismylocal · 11/03/2014 22:24

Girls having periods start unexpectedly would also be my concern.

My period sometimes takes me by surprise and I have been having them for nearly 20 years.

MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe · 11/03/2014 22:37

Don't assume pupils with medical needs will be exempt from this automatically - I provided them with doctors notes, and there were still several teachers who assumed I could "hold it in" without being in absolute agony.

Also, as Take says, other kids will complain if some are allowed to go and others can't - and then the ones with the medical issues will face questions about why. It happened to me - and I had to put up with a lot of flak from fellow students because I wouldn't tell them every detail of the invasive bowel surgery I had, and all the gruesome symptoms that meant I needed to be allowed to use the toilet whenever, and for as long as necessary.

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2014 22:39

if there's a complete ban but some are allowed to go, little Johnny will be complaining

Little Johnny can try. Teachers are used to Little Johnnies and have a range of strategies for use in these circumstances.

Why can't there be no ban and the teacher use their discretion anyway?

Because clearly the Head of Year hasn't just decided on a whim to ban toilet breaks in lessons. There is a ban because obviously some kids have been using it as an excuse to bunk off lessons/mess around/shag in the toilets.

Tiredtomybones · 11/03/2014 22:40

When I used to teach in secondary we were always told not to let anyone out of lessons for the toilet. I used to use my discretion, if a child asked to go I would say no, but then I'd discretely watch the child. You can tell by their body language if they really need to go rather than just fancy 5 minutes out of class. I'd occasionally whisper that I was making an exception and send them off. And if a child ever asked twice in the same lesson they were definitely allowed out!

Mmmbacon · 11/03/2014 22:42

Dd has very heavy periods for her age, as she is learning how frequently to change pads, where to place pads etc, she often needs to go to the toilet as she realises she is damp leaking etc, both at home at school and out and about,

on one occasion a teacher refused her permission to go last class, her bus was the early bus, so she went from class to bus to home, and when she got home she had noticeably leaked through her school trousers, she was mortified, but thankfully is over that, nobody noticed, and she is paying more attention to changing frequency, using tampons and pads together for double protection etc,

Blanket bans are fundamentally wrong but class room visits need to be minimized to avoid disruption,

capsium · 11/03/2014 22:47

Only a matter of time then before someone vomites all over class then or worse...

capsium · 11/03/2014 22:48

They might find pools of menstrual blood on the chairs...

Iggi101 · 11/03/2014 22:50

Tiredtomybones, yy to watching body language - boys in particular seem to do this jittery thing. I've had girls (in loud stage whispers) announce "I need to go, it's my time of the month" - I think girls are not quite as embarrassed as I was as a child!

OP I think you need to get a toilet pass for your dd on account of her delicate bowels and bladder. Though she may not still be speaking to you if you do!

capsium · 11/03/2014 22:53

What happens if they don't know the correct body language?

Is there a dictionary to help them?

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2014 22:59

Er, usually people know how to act when they really need the toilet, it's a biological full-bladder thing. Squirmy.

StabInTheDark · 11/03/2014 23:03

But the really shy, embarrassed ones are going to be trying their hardest not to be squirmy...

I recognise when my DD is really bursting because she makes a conscious effort to sit totally still!

capsium · 11/03/2014 23:04

People's body language can vary from person to person though...

Teachers can vary in their ability to read it and attentiveness to it. Do you get training?

An option to go to the loo, without fearing reprisals is necessary.

If it were noted when a pupil left the class it would soon become apparent if there was a problem.

OpalQuartz · 11/03/2014 23:04

Sorry not read the other responses, but two memories I have of high school are of a girl flooding a chair with period blood, (must have been very heavy,) and of me having an upset tummy during a lunchtime club and being allowed to go the loo luckily as i dread to think what would have happened if i had not been allowed to go.

capsium · 11/03/2014 23:05

Training in body language, that is..

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2014 23:05

It's astonishing, I've been teaching 9 years and no one has pissed themselves in my lessons yet. All these shy embarrassed pupils who can't manage to convey that they desperately need the toilet right now and I've not encountered any of them.

capsium · 11/03/2014 23:07

Famous last words giraffe. Pride comes before a fall and all that...

StabInTheDark · 11/03/2014 23:08

So because you personally have never experienced it, it's obviously not an issue?

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2014 23:13

I'm suggesting that it's not such a massive issue as to make a toilet ban to stop kids messing around during lessons (whatever it is that has prompted this ban) worthy of phoning up the school complaining that the situation is outrageous.

It's not outrageous. Schools up and down the country manage to balance not letting kids run rampant in the corridors at will with not having piss-drenched classrooms. One doesn't automatically lead to the other. It just doesn't.

Iggi101 · 11/03/2014 23:14

Look students are not generally allowed free access to toilets, they just aren't. There are not dozens of cases each week of accidents in the classroom, or increased visits to the GP. A blanket rule makes it easier for staff to say no to those who might be chancers, while still realistically allowing for some discretion. I would teach my child to walk out of class if really necessary, no one is going to restrain them! Rather than risk an accident. But I also teach my own dcs to go whenever they are near a toilet, before we go out etc, as they need to be responsible too.

LynetteScavo · 11/03/2014 23:19

Well, presuming lessons are about an hour long, I would think most people could manage if they went to the toilet between lessons, whether they need to go for a wee, or on their period, so I can see why the HOY might think this was the way to go.

But having said that, I went to high school with a girl who used to wet herself (I'm not sure why) and have an 8yo who becomes desperate for the toilet if she thinks she can't go (so we tell her she can always to, and all is well).

But I do understand there are some people who just randomly need a poo at any old time.

I think kids who have a real problem with needing the loo should have some system to allow them to go. My DS has used an "exit card" because he can't always cope with staying in the class for all lessons. He was supposed to hand the card to the teacher, and it had a written explanation on it. Surely there could be a similar system in place for toilet reasons? I do appreciate my DS goes to a school where it would be unlikely to be abused, and parents at another, larger school may abuse the system.

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2014 23:22

Surely there could be a similar system in place for toilet reasons?

Of course there is.

Iggi101 · 11/03/2014 23:25

Maybe we could issue everyone with she-wees. Or he-wees I suppose.
There are times when I would like one myself.

Topseyt · 11/03/2014 23:28

The same rules were in place when I was at school more than 30 years ago. It was a general rule, with room for some discretion.

It seems reasonable to me. It avoids too much unnecessary disruption of lessons and stops those kids who would just bunk off to the loos to lark around and cause trouble. Don't complain. That would be ridiculous. Just advise the correct members of staff at the school of your daughter's medical issues and they can ensure that her needs are catered for.

It won't be a blanket ban. Teachers are not out to damage students' health fgs.

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