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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let him do all his own shit?

61 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:08

DP is lazy. Really bloody lazy!

Fed up of picking up his dirty socks/boxers, cleaning his bathroom, putting his dishes in the dishwasher, washing his clothes, picking up his prescriptions, etc!

WIBU to leave all his crap where he drops/leaves it and wait for him to do it himself?

And how do I stop myself getting annoyed at all his crap lying around and half loads of washing, etc?? I'm a clean and tidy person and think that it will drive me mad!

OP posts:

FaceDirectionOfTravel · 11/03/2014 16:14

Make piles for him. .

craftynclothy · 11/03/2014 16:14

Pick up all his crap and dump it at his side of the bed. If there's enough he'll have tobput it away and until then at least you aren't looking at it.

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:16

Do I put dirty dishes and used kitchen utensils in this bedside pile too?

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/03/2014 16:18

You put a clean plate, cup, cutlery away for yourself (somewhere hidden) and then leave him to fend for himself.

ShadowFall · 11/03/2014 16:19

Is he really likely to start picking things up though? Or will there just be piles of clothes and dishes lying all over your house?

If he's got a much higher tolerance to mess than you, there's a fair chance that you're going to end up really annoyed about the mess and he's not going to be bothered by the mess in the slightest.

However. Moving on....

You mention his bathroom - do you mean that he has a bathroom all to himself, and that you use a separate one? If that's the case, then YANBU to stop cleaning his bathroom. It might also be a handy place to put all his discarded clothes? That way they wouldn't be cluttering up the rest of the house.

FaceDirectionOfTravel · 11/03/2014 16:19

No, you say, 'Your turn to do the kitchen tonight' and fuck off down the pub with your mates.

My husband does have a knack of shifting the pile on his side of his bad onto the floor and then sort of treading it into oblivion. But I can't see it.

Glitterfeet · 11/03/2014 16:27

If you keep picking up after him, he'll have no reason to change.

TheBody · 11/03/2014 16:28

I think it totally depends on your whole circumstances.

is he generally lazy in all areas or is his standard of mess just lower than yours? my dh is messy, I am ultra tidy. I do all the cleaning/washing but he does all the cooking/food shopping/meal planning.

if it's give and take that's life, if you are doing all the work that's unfair.

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:31

All good suggestions!

Shadow - yes, we have an en-suite to our bedroom which I prefer to use as I'm more of a shower person, he prefers baths. I'm definitely going to start throwing all his crap in there and telling guests to use my bathroom.

He let me have a lie in this morning 'til 9am as I was taking our DS out and he had the opportunity to go back to bed for a bit when we left.

Got back at 3.45 this afternoon and he was STILL in bed. Apartment completely the same as it was when I left. I walked in the bedroom and yelled for him to get up.

He's now attempting to do some housework. Like putting bleach down the kitchen sink. How about mopping the kitchen floor you prat!!

aaaand breathe.

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:32

TheBody - generally a lazy bastard person.

OP posts:

rapasara · 11/03/2014 16:35

Depends on the rest of your circumstances, really, does he work hard in other areas? If so, I'd say cut him a bit of slack. Do you work in paid employment?

sleeplessbunny · 11/03/2014 16:39

I remember a poster here saying that she put her DP's dirty pots and pans in his car.

TheBody · 11/03/2014 16:39

Jesus he slept all day?? needs a kick up arse op.

CaptainHindsight · 11/03/2014 16:42

I will forever be in awe of the Mner who put all her husbands shit in his briefcase which spilled out in a meeting.

Stuff of legends.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/03/2014 16:43

Oh I wouldn't be telling guests to use your tidy ensuite. I'd be very happy to direct them to the main bathroom with all his mess in it and let them be disgusted/shocked enough to comment to your dh about it. Hopefully he'd be embarrassed into doing something about it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/03/2014 16:44

He was still in bed though? You mean he works nights?

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:49

Raspara - we have an 8.5mo DS. I'm going back into full time work in less than a month and DP has changed jobs so he can work part time.

He's just folded the clothes on the maiden and put them in all their respective places. And moved some things to other places. He's now going to hoover not as well as me

He's only doing this as he's spent all day in bed and he knows I'm cross.

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:52

Curly - no he doesn't work nights, he only works part time (shifts) so has days off during the week.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 11/03/2014 16:57

What I want to know OP is will you actually carry out your threat.

We gets loads of threads like this on mn and the advice is always the same, to stop picking up after him.

I would love someone to see this through to the bitter end and actually make a difference, but what usually happens is that the OP just has a moan and carries on waiting on their lazy partner.

Please be the one who has the courage and conviction to go through with it. Put all his stuff in a bin liner and put it outside the back door.

Keep your own cutlery and crockery somewhere safe, under lock and key if necessary, and leave his dirty stuff to pile up. If it gets too bad, put it to soak somewhere - his bath would be a good place.

Lj8893 · 11/03/2014 17:06

The bathroom ideas good as long as he doesn't just ignore it and start using your bathroom!!

I'm thinking of doing this to my dp, I just don't know how I will be able to stand the mess!

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 17:17

Fairenuff - I will! Just put a load of washing on and left all his stuff in the wash basket.

I don't know about not cleaning his bathroom now, particularly the bathtub, as I need it to bath DS.

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 17:17

Do it Lj we'll be each others support!

OP posts:

KittensoftPuppydog · 11/03/2014 17:19

I throw everything in his study, shut the door and pretend that the room doesn't exist.

SometimesLonely · 11/03/2014 17:24

I left my H but still went back home to do laundry because I didn't have facilities where I was living. I did my laundry and his to save on water and electricity. I had a fortnight's holiday after which he appeared in reception one day (a legal company), wearing red socks instead of black or grey and bleating to me that it was his last pair ...... in public ....

]Yes, he's my Ex.

StrawberryCheese · 11/03/2014 17:29

My DH is terrible at leaving piles of clothes at his side of the bed. Not to mention the odd jumper, jacket and t-shirt that he will take off and then leave wherever he stands. I used to pick everything up put it in the washing basket or straight in the machine. Now, I don't touch it. If he wants his clothes washed then he has to put the machine on himself or make sure that he's put things in the basket. Anything that he leaves lying around, which I don't think can go in the bin, gets added to the pile of stuff next to the bed.

I do have to stop myself from sorting it all out. It is hard but I am not his mother and he needs to know that.

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