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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let him do all his own shit?

61 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 16:08

DP is lazy. Really bloody lazy!

Fed up of picking up his dirty socks/boxers, cleaning his bathroom, putting his dishes in the dishwasher, washing his clothes, picking up his prescriptions, etc!

WIBU to leave all his crap where he drops/leaves it and wait for him to do it himself?

And how do I stop myself getting annoyed at all his crap lying around and half loads of washing, etc?? I'm a clean and tidy person and think that it will drive me mad!

OP posts:

mamas12 · 11/03/2014 17:40

Captain that was me!
I warned him I would do it so he shouldnt have been that surprised but hahaha when his grungy pants fell out he was mortified and got the message

pinkbear82 · 11/03/2014 17:57

DP is a nightmare for piles of clothing, literally leaving them where they come off. And countless other annoyances. Doesn't matter if I leave, move, ask him to sort etc it's always the same.

However, the other night dd wasn't well and he got up in the middle of the night to help and tripped over the trousers left on the floor, falling flat on his face and knocking over the countless cups/glasses I'd been asking him to move.

A) I have never laughed quite so hard while clearing up vomit and soothing dd.
B) a week later, no piles of clothes and all cups brought down in the mornings.
Result can't help but wonder how long it will last tho!

Fairenuff · 11/03/2014 18:09

Yay go for it HappyGirl - is your ds to young to go in the shower?

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2014 18:18

Pinkbear - well done! Hope it lasts forever more. I did laugh at your post.

Fairenuff - no, he's 8mo and still falling backwards whilst sitting so don't want to risk putting him in the shower just yet.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 11/03/2014 18:23

Ok happy I'm up for it! What's your gameplan going to be?

I think I'm going to literally just bin bag everything up that he leaves, weather its clothes, plates, shoes, rubbish. (And this is going to include the sweepings up of t

Lj8893 · 11/03/2014 18:25

Ok happy I'm up for it! What's your gameplan going to be?

I think I'm going to literally just bin bag everything up that he leaves, weather its clothes, plates, shoes, rubbish. (And this is going to include the sweepings up of tobacco He's constantly dropping on the floor).

That way, I don't have to worry about looking at his mess and he's going to get really annoyed when he can't find anything and when he does its probably dirty.

I will have a bin bag in each room purely for this purpose.

nickelbabe · 11/03/2014 18:41

happy
your ds is small enough to bath him in the kitchen sink.
it's also better for your back

WWOOWW · 11/03/2014 19:49

My ex used to do this. I collected all his crap he left laying about including dirty dishes and his washing and put them in his car so i did not have to look at them.

Fairenuff · 12/03/2014 16:34

How's it going Happy, have you cleared up his breakfast stuff or left it for him to do/not do?

Lj8893 · 12/03/2014 16:44

How's it going today happy? I've started a bin bag, so far it contains clippers, a pile of beard clippings, a pair of jeans, a glass, an empty crisp packet, a lighter, a small pile of tobacco that I've swept off the coffee table, and a pair of socks. That's just the lounge, I haven't touched any other rooms yet!

Writerwannabe83 · 12/03/2014 16:49

I have this issue with my DH.

We also have separate bathrooms - his is absolutely vile but thankfully it's not my problem

I don't wash his clothes anymore and this has resulted in him going to functions in dirty clothes and going to work with no socks etc but I don't care. He knows how the washing machine works!!!

When he leaves his crap all over the place I just put it all in a black bin bag and then shove the bag down his side of the bed.

He will do household chores if I nag/shout but he definitely huffs and puffs about it.

Unfortunately for me, the woman he lived with before he met me did absolutely everything for him and so he's become accustomed to that kind of life. And then before her his mom pandered to most of his needs....

Men!!!!!!

I'm pregnant with our first baby, a little boy who is due in 9 days, and there is absolutely no way he's being raised to think a woman is there to run around after him...

BitOutOfPractice · 12/03/2014 16:51

Oh lord I will watch this threads with interest, not because I have the same problem, but because I'm looking forward to seeing these lazy arses get their comeuppance

Whereisegg · 12/03/2014 17:26

Me too Bit

BitOutOfPractice · 12/03/2014 17:28

So you can't let us rubberneckers down you two!

JupiterGentlefly · 12/03/2014 17:32

Now... I am shall we say.. a bit of a slack Alice. . When alone. Whilst dating or living together with someone I have always managed to keep on top of things. Out of respect for the other person. Where is the respect?

Lj8893 · 12/03/2014 17:55

Exactly jupiter that's my biggest bugbear! I feel its completely disrespectful.

I'm a sahm. And completely happy to do the bulk of the housework, but only if its made easy for me. I'm happy to do laundry if I just have to pull it out of the laundry basket, but not if i have to pick it up off the floor and decipher if its clean or dirty. Im happy to do the washing up if its all stacked up by the sink, not if I have to pick it up from around the house.

I keep this house nice and tidy and I just feel its a huge lack of respect when he comes in from work and just ruins my hard work!!

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 12/03/2014 19:28

Well...I went out with our DS before he left for work and have come back to a relatively tidy apartment

He had put all the baby's toys away, hung a load of washing on the maiden and emptied and loaded the dishwasher!

My good God. I think he heard my furious mutterings, haha. Wonder how long it will last...

I'm determined not to slip back into bad habits though and have decided to chuck everything that he leaves lying around in his bathroom, sod him.

Going through such an awful time at the moment and I will decide that enough is enough and I want out and then a few hours later, I will have calmed down and changed my bloody mind again.

It's really beginning to piss me off. I'm never usually so indecisive.

That turned into a bit of rant sorry!
Lj - stick with it. Buy heavy duty outside bin liners!

OP posts:

WholeNutt · 12/03/2014 19:32

I had this sort of issue so I put everything in a bin bag and said if it wasn't sorted by bin day it was being put out for collection.

It's never happened again!

deakymom · 12/03/2014 20:18

my husband pathologically leaves his belt on the floor right where i will step on it its worse than lego or sticklebricks! so i waited till he went to sleep and put it where he gets out of bed in the morning SUCCESS! he no longer leaves his belt lying around unfortunately his clothing does not hurt enough

Joysmum · 12/03/2014 21:51

I put stuff into piles for my DH and if it's dirt mess, I ask him not to 'forget' code for leaving it for me to do it as we can't expect our daughter to do things that we he can't set an example of.

I'm getting there. He needs retraining after being used to me doing all household chores for the past 13 years but now training full time in prep to go back to work.

Anniecarrieson · 12/03/2014 22:16

My DH is like this and I have changed how I deal with it, but unfortunately he hasn't changed his behaviour.

I started by leaving it all where he dropped it but it pisse me off immensely and didn't bother him.

So I started gathering it up. Upstairs I put his crap in a pile at the foot of the bed. It grew. I put it in a washing basket, it remained there for months. I wanted the basket back so I dumped it on his side of the bed. He puts it on the floor to get into bed. I pick it up in the morning so that I can move about my room and put it on his side. He puts it on the floor again. Am thinking of bagging it into charity bags and accidentally donating it after a few months.

Dirty washing which he puts on the floor next the basket stays there, unless we have guests, when I will put it in his crap pile in the bedroom.

Stuff he takes off downstairs, shoes and coats etc, and leaves lying around for more than 12 hours or so, goes into the understair cupboard.

Stuff he leaves on the kitchen floor: socks, bath towel, shoes I kick into the middle of the room to trip him up

It sounds very petty, but I no longer have resentment that he doesn't deal with it, because I won't deal with it for him, I won't seethe, I move it out of my way and move on.

And he doesn't seem to have noticed, even when I place his wet towels onto his pillow

Fairenuff · 13/03/2014 16:49

Annie try putting it all in bin bags outside the back door. He will run out of clothes eventually.

WingDefence · 13/03/2014 18:07

Wow these stories are terrible - my DH is far tidier than I am (although I prefer cleaning to tidying) and often tidies up directly after me when I've left something out on purpose (eg left a magazine on the coffee table to read later)!

It's definitely not an 'all men' thing!

Fairenuff · 16/03/2014 09:41

Well, it's been a few days now OP, how's it going? Has he washed up his own crockery, washed his own clothes, sorted out any of the stuff he leaves lying around?

Or has he gone back to his old habits?

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 16/03/2014 10:11

He was at work all day yesterday and when he got home said he was going to his Step - Father's to watch the boxing. Fair enough...but can you please supervise the baby having his tea and clean up afterwards while I bath him.

He went out and left the highchair an absolute mess, spag bol all over it and the floor. IT'S STILL THERE. It's not just my job to clean up after our baby you fucking wanker idiot.

Did more washing yesterday and only did mine and the baby's stuff. Not even told him I'm not doing his washing anymore, he can clearly see the washing basket is full with all his stuff in it.

And I've taken to just picking up his crap and leaving it in his bathroom.

I feel much better for it. Fuck him.

OP posts:

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