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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to murder my husband for saying he has not had much sleep...

25 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/03/2014 08:38

When he is in a hotel room for work all week and I'm at home with our two dds(3mo and 23mo).

i even asked if he had had to work late last night, but no, he was finished at seven and his alarm didn't go off till seven this morning. My alarm clocks didn't wait that long, needless to say!

OP posts:

BlackholesAndRevelations · 11/03/2014 08:53

Haha, sleep deprived rage talking there! maybe he didn't have much sleep! I know when my do is away for work I want him to sleep well as he has a very physical job and is pretty exhausted (long hours, hardly any time off). Although I am at home on maternity leave with 3 under 5!

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/03/2014 09:00

Exactly! He has slept in the spare room and never had to do any nights since the baby was born, his only responsibility has been getting up with dd2, but i am still sympathetic when he has to work late or when dd2 gets up particularly early. But when he has buggered off for the whole week leaving me with the early rising dd2 on top of the baby, guaranteeing me no sleep, i think he would have the sense to keep his mouth shut!

OP posts:

Catsmamma · 11/03/2014 09:09

dh has always lived in a different space time continuum when it comes to early nights and mornings.

for instance, this morning the pup barked at maybe 6.20....I didn't hear her, but I did hear dh huffing out of bed, he was downstairs letting the dogs out and I got up for a wee, the bathroom clock said 6.25. But apparently that is "up since BEFORE six with the puppy"

I had a bit of a lie in cos I have a day off, he is taking ds to the orthodontist,....I was up at quarterpst eight...he just said (jokingly) "it's all right for some lie in till nine!" as he left

also getting into bed is subject to the same time warp...five past midnight is "didn't get to bed til gone 1 AM"

I sometime comment on the fact that the International Date Line has apparently jumped and clipped through the house but he seldom sees the funny side :D

redcaryellowcar · 11/03/2014 09:35

My dh has similar problems with time recording, if i have a lie in, its hours (actually usually about an hour) his are always just a few minutes, in which he apparently couldnt get back to sleep after being woken up!
We have a newborn, who i am up feeding in the night, which i really dont mind, but when he has slept through the night in the spare room, i resent him telling me he is tired, this morning he even added up all the hours sleep i had had, and summarised with "well thats plenty" (i too am in a bit of a silent rage!!)

whatsgoinon · 11/03/2014 09:35

i feel your rage

DP is back from a weekend away with friends and quite hungover tired, I have been home alone with both DC one who wakes up once a night and one who wakes up 4 times

I am knackered knackered knackered and rather grumpy

DamnBamboo · 11/03/2014 09:36

I don't sleep well in hotels. Could that be it?

WholeNutt · 11/03/2014 09:38

Dh snores all night keeping me awake then when he finally wakes up tells me he's had 'a terrible nights sleep'

sandyballs · 11/03/2014 09:41

Ah I remember this competitive tiredness thing when our twins were tiny. DH used to give me the rage, I can remember it clearly when I'd been up and down all night whilst he snored away and he DARED to yawn or mention that he felt tired the next day .

mistlethrush · 11/03/2014 09:46

DH's 'I had a bad night' is equivalent to my 'I've had a good night' because it means he's woken up a couple of times and gone back to sleep again pretty quickly. My 'I've had a bad night' means I've woken up at 2.30am and not been able to get back to sleep and eventually got up at 3.45am and gone downstairs and made a cup of tea and gone into the sitting room and tried to arrange my legs and mistlehound so that she's able to go to sleep on the sofa (as she will have followed me downstairs) as well as me put my legs up, then find a wildlife programme to watch quietly, and eventually start falling back to sleep at about 6am with DS coming down like a herd of elephants at 6.30am...

Stinklebell · 11/03/2014 09:47

DH and I bicker about this too.

Take last night, DH has a cold and snored like a drain all bloody night.

The dog got me up wanting to be let out at 2am, then I was rudely awoken by a hungry cat at 5:30am.

DH got up at 7am, I got up a couple of minutes later but went for a wee before waking the kids and sorting out uniform, getting downstairs by about 7:10 to cop an earful from DH moaning about how tired he was and it was OK for me as I'd had a lie in. Cheeky fucker

We have competitive illness too. DH has a buggered back, if I dare to comment that I have a bit of backache for whatever reason, I never hear the end of how his discs are crumbling and his back pain is worse than mine

BlackholesAndRevelations · 11/03/2014 09:50

Ah- my dp hadn't had the luxury of a spare room; he's been woken up almost as much as me since the birth if our little one. He could sleep on the sofa but has chosen not to!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 11/03/2014 09:51

Therefore he is CHOOSING sleep deprivation.... I know, daft sod!

wadi1983 · 11/03/2014 09:53

What a bugger!!

I think when.he gets back, u need a night away! Even.if just to a friends or family members house

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/03/2014 10:58

Haha, that is a brilliant idea! Maybe i will get him to book me a night away using all his Hilton points!

OP posts:

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/03/2014 11:08

damnbamboo i don't think he has any issue with hotels, he stays there every week and its a Hilton, not the bates motel! When he is away he sleeps badly for one of two reasons, a, he had to work really late, or b, he didn't have to work late so he stupidly stayed out late drinking instead!

i have a feeling he may have secretly been hungover, as he has some sleeping pills in his bag if it was just insomnia.

didn't get the chance to find out as he said he had got off at 7, then i couldn't hear any more over the noise of my toddler having a tantrum and screaming and kicking her breastfeeding sister in the head, even though it was her request to ring daddy in the first place, and we had to hang up!

OP posts:

CountessOfRule · 11/03/2014 11:13

Are you me? The Hilton Honors points are scant compensation. I've since had a DC3 too...

DH whinges about quality of sleep and being woken in the wrong stage of the sleep cycle

scarffiend · 11/03/2014 11:25

So glad it's not just our house that had this competition! Unfortunately (for him...and maybe me) I've been put on medication that knocks me for six when I take it at night so he does all night times. Which were always really infrequent before I got ill and are now almost every night - strange, that. Also hear you on the competitive illness - meds are for neuralgia which is insanely painful. A couple of weeks after I was diagnosed and was finally sleeping through the night without having to get up and pop painkillers, he told me he'd had a bit of a sore face that day. I was so ready to make it even more painful for him, but a scary look sufficed.

Bearfrills · 11/03/2014 11:59

DH does competitive tiredness too.

We have a 12 day old baby (our third, so not that big of a shock to the system) and last week he was cluster-feeding as my milk was coming in. Baby woke up at 3am one night and fed nigh on constantly until 6am, after feeding constantly from 8pm to midnight. DH, to be fair to him, lifted the baby out of the cot for me (had a CS) and changed his nappy before I started feeding. He told me though "I'll keep you company, sweetheart" and perched on the end of the bed where I was feeding. Within ten minutes he had his chin on his chest, within twenty minutes he was sprawled across the bottom of the bed, snoring his head off. When the baby finally stopped feeding at 6am and I crawled back into bed, DS1 and DD came barreling through wanting breakfast. I kicked nudged DH and told him he had to see to them and also take DS1 to school. I had two hours sleep then got up when the baby next needed feeding. By 11am DH was asleep on the sofa "because I'm knackered off being awake all those hours last night and then having to get up at 6 with the kids".

I told him to fuck off man up :o

When there isn't a newborn to see to, we can have exactly the same amount of sleep (or lack of sleep) and he'll be nodding on the sofa by 7pm whereas I'm still going.

He will also tell me he slept terribly the night before and was up and down all night, yet everytime I woke up he was fast asleep: "oh, that'll be the few minutes I managed to drift off for before I woke up again". I always find it a huge coincidence that my awake periods coincide with his asleep ones and visa versa.

OldDaddy · 11/03/2014 12:07

Maybe he's not sleeping because after a hard week (like you) he's missing you all terribly and is miserable?

MiaowTheCat · 11/03/2014 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiberalLibertine · 11/03/2014 13:16

YANBU it doesn't matter if he's tired, mentioning it to you is vvvvvvU!!

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/03/2014 22:12

I have informed him that he is on duty all weekend (only to get up at630 with toddler, i will still have the baby). So he had better take advantage of his week off ??

OP posts:

deakymom · 11/03/2014 22:32

im glad we are not the only house that has sleep arguments my husband fell asleep about 7 last night so i put ds2 to bed (dd1 is a teen and goes alone) i then stayed up with ds3 till 11pm when he woke up i dozed off he then woke me up ten minutes later to tell me ds3 was asleep (on the floor he just fell over by his toys) took him to bed then woke me again to ask me what i wanted to watch (my eyelids) then again to go to bed he then sleeps in till almost 8am (im up before 6) naps in the afternoon before going on his xbox

bastard doesn't even begin to describe what i want to call him im now so overtired my eyes hurt i even got up at four am on my birthday i ended up cooking muffins?!

BurntPancake · 12/03/2014 08:00

We have the competitive tiredness in our house too. In fact DH got up at 5.35 with ds2 yesterday and insisted on having a lie in after me and ds1 got up. Every second sentence for the whole day was "I got up at 5.30" and then he was working in the evening so he had to go and "have a lie down" before work because he'd been up since 5.30.
He usually has a full nights sleep with the double bed to himself for at least part of the night as two year old ds2 wakes so frequently that I have a bed in the kids room next to him and spent most of the night in there. For the first year ds2 woke every 1-2hrs and for the past year has reduced it to about 2 to 5 wakings with about 4 wakings being the most common, ds1 thankfully sleeps through it all but occasionally falls out of bed or a nightmare which I see to.
DH has no fucking clue about sleep deprivation.

isisisis · 12/03/2014 09:10

Some gems from DH just in the last week -
"I didn't sleep well at all, I forgot to close the curtains" (sleeping in spare room whilst I was up for 48hrs straight with poorly DD)
"Didn't you get a good nights sleep when you were in hospital?" (I'd had major surgery , was in a lot of pain & even if I had had a good nights sleep, it was 8 weeks ago)
"You stay in bed, I'll take her down." (3 mins later motion alarm on the baby monitor goes off right by my head as he forgot to switch it off)
"I've just played on my computer game." (After he'd gone upstairs for 3hrs mid afternoon as he was so tired. I'd worked my arse off keeping DD quiet so he could sleep, & he didn't even bother)
"Tiredness isn't a competition" (no it's not, but if it was I'd be winning).

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