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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Beard ruining sex life

64 replies

MacMac123 · 09/03/2014 22:02

My partner and i's sex life has been not that great since having kids, particularly dc2, now 15 months.
The past few months he's grown this 'trendy' beard which I hate and it's made things so much worse. I can see it looks good and suits him, and ironically i fancy him with it! But I cannot stand the feel of it. Every time he kisses me I feel full of rage that he's put this prickly barrier between us when things werent great anyway. He knows I don't like it but probably doesn't realise how much it is irking me, but I feel even more rage that he just doesn't seem to care that I don't like the feel of it.
I've dropped a few (alot) of hints but can't go further than that. I feel it's wrong to tell someone else what to do with their looks and he's getting loads of compliments. But at the same time, it's increasing the physical distance between us because kissing him reminds me of having a beardy old uncle near me. Why would he jeopardise our sex life when it's fragile anyway (and just like the economy was showing signs of recovery until the beard came along!)

aibu?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 22:06

There's nothing wrong with telling him that whilst you like the look of his beard, you hate the feel of it. Be honest or it will just get worse.

littlemisssarcastic · 09/03/2014 22:06

YANBU. I couldn't be intimate frequently with a man with a beard or a moustache. They make me itch, scratch my face and give me spots. Yuk!!

PorkPieandPickle · 09/03/2014 22:08

Just tell him. Hints are no good, you need to be straight.

ListenToTheLady · 09/03/2014 22:10

You have to tell him, clearly and honestly - you don't have to tell him what to do with his appearance. Just the facts - that you are finding it impossible to enjoy getting close to him or to want sex while he has it. It's his choice.

I know where you're coming from btw. My dp has finally seen sense thank god. He also got loads of compliments and thought he was so cool! It's hard on the man if you don't like it, but there's not much you can do about it is there? And would he enjoy kissing you if your face was covered in hair?

Original poster

MacMac123 · 09/03/2014 22:11

Fairenuff I have said that (albeit it nicely with a big grin on my face). What I haven't said is this beard is actually really damaging our relationship. Which is what i feel. Or 'you can't expect me to be intimate with you until the beard is gone.' again which is what I feel.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 22:13

Then you need to tell him honestly how you feel. And make sure that your actions back up your words. If he comes in for a kiss, move away and remind him that beardy feel turns you off.

Original poster

MacMac123 · 09/03/2014 22:13

Listentothe - so how long did it take for your DP to see sense?
Now it transpires he's organsing a romantic break next weekend. Which is beyond lovely of him. But I don't want to go while he's got the stupid beard!

OP posts:

Original poster

MacMac123 · 09/03/2014 22:14

Thinking about it, I have made 'ow' sounds when he comes in for a kiss. I'd have thought that would be enough!?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 22:16

Why are you hinting though, why not just come out and tell him straight? I can't understand your reluctance, what do you think will happen?

GingerMaman · 09/03/2014 22:16

You need to tell him. Or ask him to put hair conditioner which may help soften the hairs a little?

gamerchick · 09/03/2014 22:17

Why can't you tell him?

The husband likes to do bristly sometimes but I'm firm and say.. 'don't come near me with that thing attached to your face'.

He shaves.

Why aren't you communicating with him?

wyldchyld · 09/03/2014 22:20

If you fancy him with the beard but don't like the prickles, get him to use conditioner on it. I have had a couple of exes with beards and as long as they're looked after well i.e. conditioner or hair masques etc they're not prickly or nasty but very soft. Might be the compromise?

AnyFucker · 09/03/2014 22:20

Can't you just tell him ?

Is he more attached to the facial hair than you ?

Personally, I love a good bearding < ahem > but my H wouldn't keep his if it really bothered me this much

SignoraStronza · 09/03/2014 22:21

Tell him to grow a proper beard. A full on Brian Blessed,

not a stupid, trendy, patchy fairweather hipster beard. You'll love snuggling into the silky coils of manliness adorning his chin once it grows out a bit and don't undestimate its usefulness once he heads south.

A real beard should not scratch. And all real men have one.

ouryve · 09/03/2014 22:22

DH's beard, that he's been cultivating for about 18 months, now, tickles my nose, when we're snogging, but I actually prefer his soft beard to stubble. Much gentler on the skin and no more tell tale rashes.

HadABadDay2014 · 09/03/2014 22:27

I think you are wrong to mention it.

His body his choice, just like if you want to grow pubic hair, arm pit hair or leg hair.

AnyFucker · 09/03/2014 22:28

Signora, you know where I am coming from

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/03/2014 22:31

I don't understand why you wouldn't talk to him about it? You don't have to be mean or insulting, just say that while it suits him, looks good etc, the feel of it puts you right off!

LineRunner · 09/03/2014 22:33

Is he a bit vain, then?

CoffeeTea103 · 09/03/2014 22:34

So why don't you just tell him how you feel? Pointless telling strangers, that's not going to help?

supermariosmum · 09/03/2014 22:42

I can't stand kissing my DH when he has a beard as it felt like hundreds of needles jabbing my skin.

I did the whole hinting thing, saying ouch when he came near and it didn't work.
I eventually just told him there would be no kissing or intimacy while he had it as it hurt me. He lasted a week then was totally fed up as I stuck to my promise and shaved it off!

blueshoes · 09/03/2014 23:01

Maybe you can fashion a beard made of steel wool and wear it when he comes near. That will learn him.

ListenToTheLady · 09/03/2014 23:12

MacMac mine has had a beard on and off for years as a result of not being arsed to shave much - but in the past year or two it turned into a full-on straggly mad professor beard. (Especially fetching as he's bald!) He knew I didn't like it but I had it out with him after a few months of gritting my teeth and we agreed to compromise on stubble (which I do like). He still only shaves every few days.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/03/2014 08:40

I love beards

I think you are focusing your issues with your Dh on his beard, seriously, it isn't a big deal but seems like it because things aren't great between you atm.

I would not dictate how Dh had his facial hair because I wouldn't listen if he tried to tell me how to wear my hair.

tethersend · 10/03/2014 08:42

I bloody love beards.

Stop kissing

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