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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Beard ruining sex life

64 replies

MacMac123 · 09/03/2014 22:02

My partner and i's sex life has been not that great since having kids, particularly dc2, now 15 months.
The past few months he's grown this 'trendy' beard which I hate and it's made things so much worse. I can see it looks good and suits him, and ironically i fancy him with it! But I cannot stand the feel of it. Every time he kisses me I feel full of rage that he's put this prickly barrier between us when things werent great anyway. He knows I don't like it but probably doesn't realise how much it is irking me, but I feel even more rage that he just doesn't seem to care that I don't like the feel of it.
I've dropped a few (alot) of hints but can't go further than that. I feel it's wrong to tell someone else what to do with their looks and he's getting loads of compliments. But at the same time, it's increasing the physical distance between us because kissing him reminds me of having a beardy old uncle near me. Why would he jeopardise our sex life when it's fragile anyway (and just like the economy was showing signs of recovery until the beard came along!)

aibu?

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 10/03/2014 08:47

A proper beard isn't prickly! Dh varies between a random wild Billy Connolly style goatee effort to much tidier affair

It's only bristly if he has been pruning it.

Also as DmeDiazepam says...I'd never pay attention if he advised me on hair style issues, so I let him get on with it.

PiperRose · 10/03/2014 08:50

I'm with DameDiazepam on this one. I think this is about more than the beard, I think you're using it to mask whatever you're feeling about sex with your husband at the moment.

I'm not entirely sure I'd be happy if my OH told me to change my appearance and I wouldn't ask him to do so.

Just for the record, I think beards are HOT!

noddyholder · 10/03/2014 08:51

Agree with piper

NotYouNaanBread · 10/03/2014 08:58

Prickly beard is HORRIBLE. But beards themselves are sexy and manly - and you admit that you like it!

The trick is to let him keep it a bit longer - as soon as it hits a certain length it gets softer. It's only short beard that prickles.

Can you also get him some nice beard oil, which makes it softer and helps avoid gross skin problems.

WholeNutt · 10/03/2014 09:00

I once told my dh 'you grow that' pointing at his face 'I'll grow these' pointing at my armpits.

Be honest with him, it's not about the beard though I'm guessing?

Hulababy · 10/03/2014 09:01

Dh knows that I really don't like facial hair. He had mooted the idea of trying to grow a beard or tache at various points such as a holiday just to see what it is like. I have told him that he can do whatever he wishes, but equally he knows my feelings about them. He has never actually gone for it yet fortunately.

oldenoughtoknow · 10/03/2014 09:20

I too think you are using the beard as an excuse for problems with your sex life, and that you are heading for a massive disappointment when he shaves it off and the problems are still there.

SlimJiminy · 10/03/2014 09:29

DH only shaves every 3-4 days and looks gorgeous with stubble, but it hurts like hell. We just do do it in doggy style / spooning, etc so we're not face-to-face. It's never affected our sex life.

If you really wanted to get things back on track, you'd find a way - with or without a beard. Is it just when he kisses you on the mouth/face that the beard bothers you? Maybe you could play a game of "kiss me anywhere below the neck" ;)

OxfordBags · 10/03/2014 09:35

You've not lived until you've received oral sex from a beardy man

noddyholder · 10/03/2014 09:37

My dp has a beard I love it Really hated it when he shaved it off!

ComposHat · 10/03/2014 09:43

Aw boring.

I read the title 'beard ruining sex life' and thought that the op was in a closeted gay relationship and had acquired a 'beard' to allay suspicions. But was now in the process of starting a sexual relationship with their 'beard.'

It is about actual facial hair though.

SauceForTheGander · 10/03/2014 09:48

I've been begging DH to grow a beard. He grew a moustache for Movember and I, ahem, loved it.

Sorry OP - we're determined to lower the tone by focussing on the fringe benefits. Wink

SauceForTheGander · 10/03/2014 09:49

Compos - that's what I was hoping for too!

ListenToTheLady · 10/03/2014 09:52

I think it's unfair to suggest OP is using the beard as an excuse. She said their sex life was recovering until the beard scuppered it. And for some people, yes, it is about the facial hair.

Plus, if you don't like it, you don't like it. You are not demanding that your partner get rid of it if you just inform him you do not like it. The choice is still his but you can't be forced to like it surely.

As I've said how many men would like it if they had to kiss a faceful of hair? Maybe a few, and maybe quite a few would feel strongly that they didn't like it.

I actually like the rough, stubbly effect, I don't mind prickliness - for me it's the soft, tickly (bluergh), longer hair that I find so upsetting, and I do mean upsetting, I can't bear it.

The idea of "nice beard oil" to make it even softer has me heaving!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 10/03/2014 09:56

I thought it was a beard and oral sex thread.

I am pro.

Er, I don't see why you can't gently suggest that you don't much like it. It's not dictating at all, but indicating...

Writerwannabe83 · 10/03/2014 10:28

My DH grew a beard once and although it really suited him I couldn't stand the feel of it - it also gave me a rash around my mouth. In the end I point blank refused to kiss him - he shaved it off about a week later when he realised I wasn't joking!

Windmillsinthesand · 10/03/2014 11:41

My dh has a full beard ,your dh needs to look after it properly conditioner is good he probably has more of a heavy stubble than a real beard and that is why it irritates you.

whois · 10/03/2014 11:45

Get him to go down on you then see if you still don't like the feel of the beard :-)

If you don't like kissing him with a beard, just say what you have said here. You think he looks super hot with the neared but you really don't like the feal of to while kissing. You've tried to get to like the feel but just really don't and you're upset about it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/03/2014 11:53

Gazes into middle distance with Oxford...

NurseyWursey · 10/03/2014 12:04

I'd just say deal with it personally.

SauceForTheGander · 10/03/2014 12:07
HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 10/03/2014 13:06

I've been encouraging dh to grow a beard for some time now, but to no avail.

TiggyCBE · 10/03/2014 14:13

I read the thread title as "Bread Ruining Sex Life". My mind was temporarily boggled.

"We were going to have sex but then he came at me with a crusty bloomer!"

Anyway, beards can completely and utterly destroy the mood. The tickling and scratching if you don't like them is impossible to ignore. If there's a special event coming up you'll have to tell him soon so he has to to sulk and shave first.

rapasara · 10/03/2014 15:12

Just trying a bit of role reversal here and imagining it were a man writing in to say how much he despises his wife's pubic hair.

I wouldn't say anything; his face=his choice.

LauraBridges · 10/03/2014 15:14

I have never fancied a man with a beard ever. Just (nicely) tell hm how you feel and see what he does.

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