Are we being unreasonable

[stinkypete71]

Quite complicated this, basically my husband moved 3 hours away from his kids a year & half ago & we've had regular contact, we meet half way every 2 weeks and share the holidays, but his ex has recently had a baby & is now refusing to bring them every other weekend, it might settle down and get back to how it was before, it's just worrying as his daughter is only 9 and is feeling really down and just wants to see her dad. My husband was and is very close to her... any advice anyone?

[Ragwort]

A three hour 'round trip' is completely different to a 'six hour round trip' and not at all unreasonable for a weekend visit.

And you haven't clarified why he need to move away 'for financial reasons' - how does moving away clear up the financial problems ?.

Are you saying he really, really can't afford the extra petrol money for the trip or is this a matter of 'principle'?

[XiCi]

So its only an hour and a half journey? Alot of people, myself included, have this as a daily commute. I wouldn't think twice about doing it in order to see my daughter. No wonder his dd is down if she thinks her dad can't be fucked picking her up for the weekend just for the sake of an extra 45mins. Poor girl.

[ENormaSnob]

Yabvu

He moved therefore the onus is on him to sort his shit out.

No way would i be doing half way if i were the ex.

[Meepers]

Bloody hell, I travel over an hour to work and an hour back. So approx 2.5 hours travel over the day.

You are being ridiculous. The ex has been very kind to aid in the travel to maintain contact thus far. Time your DH to suck it up and pick up the slack for a bit.

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

Sorry OP but YABU and a bit confusing.

1. You are refusing on the basis of cost to travel 45 mins extra each way. Yet the maintenance is £200 per month. I know little about maintenance but from what I've heard that's a fair bit so he can't be that skint.

1. you seem to be painting the ex wife in a bad light with blaming her for your DP's financial need to be so far from his DD.

This doesn't feel consistent with the fact the ex wife has been meeting half way all this time.

I think you should be grateful to the ex wife for her help so far which was above and beyond the call of duty and your DP should suck up an extra 45 mins each way to see his DD.

[goldenlula]

From my understanding, the dd lives 3 hours away, mum travels 1.5 hrs to pick up place, dad drives 1.5hrs to pick up point, so everyone, including the dd is traveling 3 hrs in total, travelling to and from the pick up point.

[CabbagesAndKings]

Well, if he wants to see her that much he knows what he can do- drive the full distance to pick the children up.

Their mother has just had a newborn- as she's been accommodating with transport previously, I'm sure she will again, as soon as she is feeling better/the baby is older

[fluffyraggies]

So her partner is offering to do the drive while their baby is young? If so what's the advice you need OP?

[Hegsy]

So now you're saying you only live an hour and a half away from his DD? Now I think you're even more unreasonable, an hour and a half is my daily drive to work

[littlemisssarcastic]

I think if the ex's new partner is doing any of the driving, you ought to be aware of just how reasonable the ex and her new partner are being.

Your husband moved 1.5 or 3 hours away. He expects his ex to make their DD available for contact. She does. Rightly so.
Your husband and you also expect his ex to undertake half of the journey every other weekend because you have moved so far away, you cannot afford to make the journey, and are relying on her to do it.
Ex has a baby, and explains to you that she cannot continue half the journey for the foreseeable and is not actually legally obliged to drive halfway and you are fuming at this fact.
Ex has now arranged for her new partner to continue where she left off and undertake half the journey, even though it is not his responsibility either.

You are coming across as extremely unreasonable OP. What does your DH say?
I don't think it is very fair on his DD to be putting such conditions on contact. How must his poor DD feel?

[littlemisssarcastic]

OP, Just to clarify, your DH's ex's legal responsibility is to make their DD available for contact.
She is not responsible for bringing their DD halfway, all the way, 10 mins around the corner.
She is not responsible for picking their DD up.
Your DH is responsible for arranging door to door drop off and pick up.

In case you were wondering, your DH's ex is also not responsible for providing their DD with anything during contact except the clothes and shoes DD is standing in, and any prescribed medicine she may be on or equivalent IYSWIM.

That is all.

[Pollyputthekettle]

See this from her perspective, she has just had a baby so is therefore not getting alot of sleep and her ex who decided to move 3 hours away wants her to do a 3 hour round trip every other weekend. You sya you don't expect her to travel with a new born but what if she is BF on demand. She can't just drive off for 3 hours. I am with her on this, why should she?

And if your husband wants to see his daughter that badly he will be prepared to make the trip. Maybe once the baby is bigger there will be more ability to help by the ex.

[Lj8893]

I am so confused.

In your OP you said you live 3 hours away from your dsd. And normally met half way, making it a 1.5 hr journey, 3hr round trip.

Now you have said you only live 1.5hrs way so halfway would only be 45mins, 1.5hr round trip.

So if your DH is doing the whole journey (no meeting half way) its only a 3 hr round trip which isn't actually that bad.
Or is it a 6hr round trip? You seem to not know.

Which is it?

[Supercosy]

So it's a 3 hour round trip not a 6 hour round trip? That is completely different then. I think that is clearly do able, a bit tiring but completely managable. Did you mean that you then have to do the return trip which makes it 6 hours in total for yourselves if you were to do the whole thing rather than meet half way? What would the cost of that be petrolwise? I can't think offhand.

[Lj8893]

I used to do a 3 hour round trip to uni 3 times a week! It cost me about £7 a day in fuel, its really not that expensive!

[MamaMumra]

I agree with previous posters who think that your husbands ex sounds very reasonable. Can you really not afford the cost of your husband collecting and dropping his DD door to door?

It may be inconvenient and time consuming but this is what he needs to do to maintain regular contact. Would you consider moving somewhere nearer in the future? I think YABU I'm afraid.

[fluffyraggies]

needa i was thinking that.

Then i thought well, he is step father to the girl.

My DH is step dad to 3 of our 4 kids. In that situation he'd step up and do the driving if i couldnt and it meant allot to one of his step daughters i'm sure.

However, not sure either of us would be too impressed with their natural fathers new partner expecting it of him through.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

So it's a 3 hour round trip not a 6 hour round trip

No - it's a 6 hour round trip IF the husband has to do all the traveling...and an hour and a 3 hours round trip if they meet halfway...

[ikeaismylocal]

It is 6 hours for the poor child.

[Lj8893]

Its not 6 hours for the child?

1.5hrs from her house to her dads house.
1.5hrs from her dads house to her house (presumably the next day)

[fluffyraggies]

I think we need the OP back

I take it as it being a 3 hour trip the whole way one way. So the child would have 6 hours in the car if she was going to her dads and back home in one day.

[mummydarkling]

I thought t was 1.5 hours to mid way point.