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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick of people's comments about how much hard work I am gonna have with a baby BOY!

99 replies

BazilGin · 08/03/2014 20:58

Grrrr, sorry, just need a rant! I have a wonderful 2.5 year old DD and now due with DS in July. Whenever friends/colleagues ask about the gender of the baby, I get a lot of smirky comments about how much hard work (in comparison to DD) I am going to have with a boy.
AIBU to think it is more to do with a child personality that gender! I hate stereotyping, my DD is wonderful but she also has her moments. She loves her snow white, but her favourite toy is a bucket of plastic dinosaurs. She can play quietly and run riot in the park. She doesn't sit quietly all day, dressed as a bloody pinky princess having imaginary picnics.

Also, some of my friends with sons, often blame their behaviour purely on gender instead of do some actual parenting and stop unwanted behaviour. I have no experience of boys in family (have 2 sisters myself) but all these comments are starting to get to me a bit and I am beginning to doubt myself recently. Maybe they are right and I am just naive?

OP posts:

blueshoes · 23/03/2014 00:02

Ds was no more hard work than his older sister. Lazy stereotyping.

TheseAreTheJokesFolks · 23/03/2014 00:09

My son is far far easier than my daughters were at the same age.
I haven't reached toddler age yet admittedly but thought all kids went tazzydevil at two.
Ignore and enjoy your baby.

Trylookingproperly · 23/03/2014 00:17

I have 3 girls followed by 2 boys. So far my boys have been far easier than my girls.
I'm sure that might change as they get older though!

cinnamongreyhound · 23/03/2014 00:22

There's a lot of negativity around boys in general I find. They are different to boys and yes in general they have certain traits but each one will be different and actually I have found (I'm a childminder) in general boys are more easy going than girls.

I have two boys of my own both totally different, ds1 was a colicky, whingy clingy baby but once he could move at 1 he was an easy toddler, never into anything he shouldn't be just played but getting a bit stroppy/back chatty now he's almost 7. Ds2 was a easygoing baby although he didn't sleep well but was a whirlwind toddler into everything and didn't really want anything to do with toys until he was nearly two but now has a long attention span. He is however much more physical than ds1, likes running, being outside but also more aggressive. Both are very loving and totally mummies boys.

I think a lot of negative behaviours are accepted by a lot of people, oh he's a boy what do you expect but actually it's not ok to hit, push, be aggressive to others and you cant do it just because you're a boy and that's often where the problems come from.

People do seem to like to point out all bad points when you're pregnant, no idea why. Continue to be excited about your little boy he'll light up your life! Some days you probably will be glad he's gone to bed but mostly you'll enjoy him being him.

Cathycat · 23/03/2014 00:23

I have 3 boys and 1 girl. My daughter was a doddle as a baby - my sons were not! Now they are older, my sons are now very easy and my daughter is a bit more tricky ... but this may just be me and my experience.

Quinteszilla · 23/03/2014 00:27

I have two sons, and they are two very different characters. One is quiet and considerate, the other is all over the place. They both are very gentle and affectionate, though.

Ds1 is 12 next month, and he is totally nonplussed at the drama the girls in his year are creating. After years of playing with, and having girl mates, he now does not really understand them at all. I think all children are different regardless of gender, but there are some stereotypes which are brandied about, in toddler and teenage years. Some of it true, some of it down to the individual I feel.

Evie2014 · 23/03/2014 01:19

As someone else said up thread, people talk all sorts of nonsense when you're pregnant and tell them the gender. I've been on two threads now (started one of them) where we discussed the crappy things people say when you're having two girls or two boys- "oh what a pity you must have wanted one of each!" blah blah. Now I realise that people in general are just stoooopid and say all sorts of stoooopid things to pregnant women.

I learned when announcing anything, to preface it by saying "Oh we are DELIGHTED! We're having a boy/girl/giraffe etc! Isn't it WONDERFUL?!" and give the feckers no room to respond with anything other than fulsome congratulations.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 23/03/2014 07:02

I have a boy and he is more polite, considerate and well behaved than many of the girls in the family (lite of people say so, not just me boasting!!) every child is different so ignore 'people' with their stupid comments and congrats on your DS

Delphiniumsblue · 23/03/2014 07:28

Just smile and say 'I think they are easier than girls' and change the subject.

penguinplease · 23/03/2014 07:32

Another one here with an easy dream child in my boy compared to monstrous behaviour I couldn't have imagined from my girls.
Pre having my own boy I used to feel sorry for women who had boys. Now I can't believe it took until dc3 for me to really get it!
Congratulations and enjoy, it goes so so fast.

Shockers · 23/03/2014 08:19

DS2 was a climber and a runner... I was marvellously slim when he was a toddler .

Without gender stereotyping, just on my own experience, DS1 and DD were harder work than DS2. I do find both boys much easier to communicate with though.

MissHobart · 23/03/2014 08:20

I don't have any yet but was always uber the impression that girls are a nightmare and boys are much easier?

I know in reality children are children, people are people, regardless of gender so will keep an open mind one it's my turn! I want boys though!

Lottapianos · 23/03/2014 08:27

Some people are utterly obsessed with putting everyone into boxes based on their sex. Its infuriating OP. All children are different just as all men or women are different, it has nothing to do with what sex you are. I come across this stuff at work all the time and I always challenge it.

Also completely agree with your comment about labelling boys' behaviours as typical 'boy' stuff. Boys need to be taught to sit, to listen, to share, to not hit just as girls do.

BrightNewBeginnng · 23/03/2014 08:34

YANBU

It says more about the idiot who's bumping their gums without engaging their brain than it does about kids of either gender.

TruffleOil · 23/03/2014 08:38

However, he did spend 15 minutes in front of a bush explaining that the berries were tiny oranges and he fell asleep with his little hands on my face whispering 'my mummy, love my mummy'.

Damn you coldlightofday for making me broody.

Amber76 · 23/03/2014 08:40

I have one of each and so far (even though they are still young) there is no real differences.
I think it is the case that people are just making conversation and not putting much thought into what they are saying.
FWIW I think by telling people the gender of the baby before its born just sort of invites comments on that gender. I knew with my first pregnancy but never told anyone and while being pregnant still invites comments from people they are not quite so pointed about the gender.

uvavu · 23/03/2014 08:51

My DS is waaaaaaaay easier than my DD.

It's personality that matters.

lola88 · 23/03/2014 09:08

DS has been so much easier than my niece miles easier.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 23/03/2014 09:10

My ds2 was a piece of piss as a baby

Anecdata says second babies are easier than first

grizzabellia · 23/03/2014 09:19

Very odd thing to say - my little boy is much easier than my girl I think it is personality! Also all kids like to run around and can be boisterous regardlesd of gender - I think this little princess thing is a myth! I have always imagined girls to be far harder work growing up too
..

wonkylegs · 23/03/2014 09:39

My son & nephew are far easier to deal with than my niece.
That's mainly because they are more chilled out personalities whilst she is the definition of high maintenance.
Every child is different but people will always trot out generalities.
I feel blessed to have a very lovely chilled out little boy but I've been told by various people that they think he's like that because I'm a fairly relaxed laid back parent & he picks up on that.

peachysweet · 23/03/2014 09:45

What a lot of rubbish!

I think boys are easier overall (big generalisation obviously), just more physically active (another generalisation).

I have some of each and my older son is the easiest of the bunch so far.

curiousgeorgie · 23/03/2014 09:54

Obviously all children are different and it's about personality...

But my DD is very calm, quietly plays by herself. Doesn't make much mess. We've never baby proofed.

Most of my close friends have boys and I have to be honest.. They are Wild! Endless energy, endless mess, when they leave my house I don't know wether to cry with joy that they're gone, or cry with despair at the state of the place... All very cute and lovely though

DumSpiroSpero · 23/03/2014 09:56

Congratulations - I'm sure your little boy will be fab.

I only have the one 9yo DD but having spent 4 years working in a nursery school I suspect the majority of small boys are more physically demanding.

That doesn't mean they all are, or that girls aren't, and quite honestly I think I'd take that over the emotional/hormonal dramas were having with DD atm!

Also, DD was a nightmare as a tiny baby - colicky and absolutely refused to sleep until she was nearly 5 months. She's also not a pink & princessy type. We did have that phase but these days she'd rather be playing basketball or pretending to be a spy .

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