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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick of people's comments about how much hard work I am gonna have with a baby BOY!

99 replies

BazilGin · 08/03/2014 20:58

Grrrr, sorry, just need a rant! I have a wonderful 2.5 year old DD and now due with DS in July. Whenever friends/colleagues ask about the gender of the baby, I get a lot of smirky comments about how much hard work (in comparison to DD) I am going to have with a boy.
AIBU to think it is more to do with a child personality that gender! I hate stereotyping, my DD is wonderful but she also has her moments. She loves her snow white, but her favourite toy is a bucket of plastic dinosaurs. She can play quietly and run riot in the park. She doesn't sit quietly all day, dressed as a bloody pinky princess having imaginary picnics.

Also, some of my friends with sons, often blame their behaviour purely on gender instead of do some actual parenting and stop unwanted behaviour. I have no experience of boys in family (have 2 sisters myself) but all these comments are starting to get to me a bit and I am beginning to doubt myself recently. Maybe they are right and I am just naive?

OP posts:

indigo18 · 08/03/2014 21:23

Didn't we have a thread on this just the other day?

Nocomet · 08/03/2014 21:25

YANBU
I have two DDs. DD1 was an exhausting climb everything, mess with everything toddler, and is the nicest, most trouble free teen imaginable.

DD2 played with toys, didnt run off and was a total walk in the park compared with her sister. She's just turned 13, so we'll see.

Totally agree there are boys (and the odd girl) where a bit of parenting would help.

Original poster

BazilGin · 08/03/2014 21:27

Thank you, thank you, thank you! It didn't bother me at first, but it started getting to me a bit. I want to come up with a witty response to their rubbish comments, but I end up just sort of changing the subject because it winds me up.
One of my friends (mum of a boy), often comments on how easy I have got it because my DD plays on her own quite a lot, doesn't bash everything in sight...well, I do set some limits in place, so it may be something to do with that, plus her personality.
I just hate blaming out of control behaviour on gender.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 08/03/2014 21:28

People do love a good stereotype.

In fact use that as your response a little laugh and "ooh people do love a good stereotype" then change the subject.

sunshinesue · 08/03/2014 21:36

What I heard time and again when I told people I was expecting a boy was that they were certainly lively but also very affectionate and loving. I' found that to be spot on and wonderful. Ds is by no means naughty, he's kind and generous but he's got so much energy so just runs and shouts for a fair proportion of the day

NurseRoscoe · 08/03/2014 21:36

I have a 2.5 year old boy and an 8 month old boy, both are beautiful, loving, funny and wonderful sleepers (12-14 hours per night since 4-6 months old), of course they have their moments when they play up, have tantrums, won't eat etc but that's because they are kids not because they are boys.

The way your little man will turn out will be a mix of his personality and the way you raise him. Don't doubt yourself, enjoy every second with him

Pollyputthekettle · 08/03/2014 21:36

YANBU.

I have a son and he is gorgeous. The same goes for his sister. Silly people.

Coldlightofday · 08/03/2014 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soditall · 08/03/2014 21:41

I have 3 sons and 2 daughters,if anything the boys have been easier.

With my sons when they were little if they had a tantrum it lasted for a short while and then it was all forgotten about,with my daughters they're more emotionally driven so it could go on for hours.But that's the only real difference.

They all equally lovely and all in different ways.the boys are all different to one another and the girls are different to one another.

One thing I found(purely by luck) that not sterotyping every thing for your children no matter what they're sex is a really good idea.

My sons all played with what ever they wanted when they were younger,dolls,buggies,cars.kitchens,soldiers ect and they're great at knowing who to play rough and tumble with and who not to and not because of the other persons gender but because of that persons personality.They all have a large amount of girls that are good friends and even though they're teenagers they're all completely comfortable around girls and girls will confide secrets and problems to my sons and tell them things that they wouldn't tell anyone else because they know they're safe around my boys.They're all very maternal towards children(and I do mean maternal they're little mother hens)and they'd love for there to be more baby's in the house.

They all get they're sisters and will let they're sisters stick nail varnish on they're nails,let them stick face paint and make-up on them and let them stick hair bands ect in they're hair.

I'm dreading when my daughters are older and get they're time of the month because I know the boys won't stop panicking about them.

My daughters are the same they have lots of friends that are boys and even though my older daughter is getting to that age where boys are starting to ask her and her friends out the boys don't feel uneasy around her.Both my girls like they're brothers have played with trucks,play soldiers,play with dolly's,kitchens,make up ect.and they're both as comfortable around girls as they are boys.They'll run around and get messy with the boys making lots of noise and then the next minute they'll be braiding each others hair or having cat walks which the boys always have to take part in.They're both baby and child mad just like they're brothers.They'd love for me to give them a little brother and a little sister.

I know none of my sons will ever get a girl pregnant whilst they're still young.They all have strong views on that which are they're own views!They also have strong views(very strong)on guys that get girls pregnant and then leave and guys that put pressure on young women to get what they want.I'm proud to say they don't tolerate boys/men that have those attitudes.

The girls are exactly the same they have a strong sense of self respect so they'll never be any guys fool.

There's so many great things about having both daughters and sons,I'm so pleased that I get to share my life with both.Embrace they're differences and enjoy watching they're similarities and you'll all be fine.

StrawberryGashes · 08/03/2014 21:41

Just ignore them, I'm told the same about baby girls. I have one of each and apart from the colour of their clothes and what's in between their legs they're just the same.

Eatriskier · 08/03/2014 21:43

There's a 20 month gap between my two and when I was pregnant with DS everyone told me how easy boys are compared to girls (had DD by that point). He was bloody hard work! But then became easier and is now a little harder again. Kids are just what they are when they are. Ignore them.

StrawberryGashes · 08/03/2014 21:43

I put my daughter in bright colourful clothes and give her a blue blanket and am told 'he'll be trouble, boys always are', and if I dress her in pink I'm told 'oh better watch out, girls are always harder.'

Chottie · 08/03/2014 21:44

Boys are gorgeous and loving and funny and they grow up and spoil their mums :)

Goblinchild · 08/03/2014 21:46

My baby boy is 19 and still lovely, hugs his mum and makes a good cup of tea.
I wouldn't trade him for his weight in chocolate, and I had a girl first.

heronsfly · 08/03/2014 21:48

Ive got 3 of each, and I honestly think Boys are easier as children and teenagers, my dds and I are friends as well as mother and daughters now so each sex has different ups and downs, enjoy your baby boy,

junkfoodaddict · 08/03/2014 21:49

I have a boy. Sleeps 12 hours night and up to 2 hours during the day. Eats well, rarely has a tantrum, helpful, funny and considerate (for a 2 year old). Is that 'hard work'?
I have a colleague who said the complete opposite - her son (7) is easy going and always has been whereas her daughter (10) is high maintenance, has terrible strops and expensive in the sense of 'want, want' want' - and always has been!!!

woodlandlilies · 08/03/2014 21:52

Surely whether positive or not, 'boys are...' is silly and damaging.

My parents had a boy and a girl (me!) and my brother is autistic. He is not affectionate at all and would refuse to even hold my hand when crossing the road as children. I am 32 and he has never hugged me, kissed my cheek, or anything like that and certainly didn't do so to our parents - if they ever tried to hug him he'd back away.

In contrast I was a very affectionate kid - still am - and would cuddle my mum and dad constantly and any other relatives and had to be nicely warned a couple of times about being gentle with Nana!

My brother is who he is- not his fault, but it's not because he's a boy either.

Oh and I was the most boring least troubles teenager ever , too.

VodIsGod · 08/03/2014 21:52

Start getting used to it! I have 3 lovely sons. I have heard it all.

Mine might not sit colouring or crafting for hours on end but they will play with a Lego in their own little world for an age.

Enjoy your son.

MOTU · 08/03/2014 21:55

I had a girl then a boy and apart from the fact that he wears each size of clothing about 30 seconds before moving to the next he's way easier than my daughter. Really easy going and jolly!! Every child is different-ignore all predictions, they're all nonsense!

MyBodyIsAtemplate · 08/03/2014 21:57

Ludways totally agree. my boys were a pita as youngsters and my girls were angels.

as teens pretty much the same.

boys are far more simple though. girls more of a wonderful chess game.

both fantastic though.

RubyrooUK · 08/03/2014 21:57

I've got two boys. Totally different. DS1 is thoughtful, emotional and has an incredible attention span - loves cooking, crafts and books. DS2 is a crazy call of energy who is filled with confidence - loves noise, vehicles and bashing stuff. Two boys, same family, same activities, yet so unlike each other. The only thing they share is a filthy laugh!

eatmydust · 08/03/2014 21:59

All children are different. My DS (pfb) was a nightmare baby, cried constantly and had to be rocked to sleep. DD was a quiet little angel,who just sat there and smiled....I was so worried that she hadn't cried for two days when she was about two months old, that I called out our GP, who explained to me very patiently that she wasn't remotely ill and was just very content.

Fast forward to age two - DS was placid, affectionate and didn't cause a moments problem all through school. DD by contrast was a complete nightmare. They will just be themselves. Boys are not more difficult, and probably much easier as teenagers. Don't get me started on teenage girls and hormones.......

morethanpotatoprints · 08/03/2014 22:01

Hello OP.

They are what they are, irrespective of gender.
We had DS1 typical text book throughout childhood, placid no trouble at all. Then we had ds2 who was what we had been described a girl would be like, turned ou he has AS but not diagnosed until 17.
We have 1 dd she is 10 and has always been challenging, right from birth. She is getting better but will always be a bit different. We have even had people suggest she doesn't seem like she comes from our family. Not sure what that's supposed to mean.

FryOneFatManic · 08/03/2014 22:05

Both of my DCs are different, but I have not have a harder time with DS than I did with DD.

Admittedly, DD is 13 and DS is 10, but they are just different, and not because of gender.

LimitedEditionLady · 08/03/2014 22:09

I get told that boys easier then girls....especially as teens but what do I know?
My son is pretty calm really and I wouldnt say he is any harder work than the little girls in our family,about the,same.

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