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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick of people's comments about how much hard work I am gonna have with a baby BOY!

99 replies

BazilGin · 08/03/2014 20:58

Grrrr, sorry, just need a rant! I have a wonderful 2.5 year old DD and now due with DS in July. Whenever friends/colleagues ask about the gender of the baby, I get a lot of smirky comments about how much hard work (in comparison to DD) I am going to have with a boy.
AIBU to think it is more to do with a child personality that gender! I hate stereotyping, my DD is wonderful but she also has her moments. She loves her snow white, but her favourite toy is a bucket of plastic dinosaurs. She can play quietly and run riot in the park. She doesn't sit quietly all day, dressed as a bloody pinky princess having imaginary picnics.

Also, some of my friends with sons, often blame their behaviour purely on gender instead of do some actual parenting and stop unwanted behaviour. I have no experience of boys in family (have 2 sisters myself) but all these comments are starting to get to me a bit and I am beginning to doubt myself recently. Maybe they are right and I am just naive?

OP posts:

drspouse · 08/03/2014 22:09

My friend has two boys. Her DS1 hardly needed any babyproofing, just a few stern Nos. DS2 is another matter, and didn't listen at all. Totally personality.

Enjoyingmycoffee · 08/03/2014 22:10

Girl and boy here.

I take a slightly different stance to a number on here. I do notice a difference. You need only go to a playground after school is out to see that boys do tend to be more boisterous, physical and requiring of more parental involvement.

But there is nothing wrong with that! It is just different, and often so much fun.

Good luck!

MildDrPepperAddiction · 08/03/2014 22:12

Yanbu. I have a DS and a dd. Dd is far more lively than DS. It is down to personality.

Good luck in July with your new DS. Ignore stupid comments and enjoy your two lovely dc.

sunshinesue · 08/03/2014 22:15

With respect woodland I can't see how being positive about anything could be damaging. We're all individuals of course but why not start on a high and adapt from there?

Nocomet · 08/03/2014 22:19

In our local park the boys were, generally more boisterous and wanted less paternal involvement. Sometimes I think they needed a bit more than they got, but boys don't attention seek and bring every little grievence back to mum.

Seriously2712 · 08/03/2014 22:20

Haven't read any comments but I'm regularly told the opposite... That boys are the chilled out 'good' ones!
It totally pisses me off as my dd (up to now)has been great- (Albeit she definitely has her moments)
As far as I have seen it's down to personality not gender!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope all goes well!

canyou · 08/03/2014 22:40

My boys are lovely and snuggly, love hugs and are so much more affectionate then my girls and even as toddlers so much less dramatic

Original poster

BazilGin · 08/03/2014 22:46

Awww, thanks all! Feeling a bit more positive after all your comments

OP posts:

SisterChristina · 08/03/2014 22:50

I really don't like hearing the stereotype that boys are more affectionate than girls. Bullshit! Dd is as loving and tactile as the day is long. As are most of the other girls I know.

Both my boys are gorgeous but ds2 in particular has been an angel since birth. He has never been boisterous or any of the typical boy cliches. In fact he gets frustrated by the physicality and noisiness of some of the boys at nursery, as he wants to sit quietly and listen to the teacher.

And I can take credit for precisely none of it. It's personality pretty much 100pc

trufflehunterthebadger · 08/03/2014 22:58

My DD is a real live wire and a right handful, girls are not the easy option ! And at least you dont have to worry about your teenage boy coming home pregnant..

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 08/03/2014 23:03

DC1 is a boy. DC2 is a girl. We wanted DC3 to be a boy as we felt boys are so much easier than girls, DC3 is a girl. DS has by far the most easy going personality and looks to be so much easier to deal with during the teenage years. He's the one who is autistic, therefore should officially be (on paper) the hardest to look after. He's the one less likely to have us wanting to pull our hair out. If I was to have another (which is something neither me nor DH want ever and hopefully won't happen) I would want a boy.

iwasyoungonce · 08/03/2014 23:10

YANBU. People are such utter arses when they stereotype an entire gender. It's utter, utter shit.

I could tell you what a wonderful baby/ little boy my DS is, but honestly it's pointless. Your baby will be unique, as is every other baby on the planet. One thing is guaranteed: you will love him more than life itself. Fuck the doom merchants.

HypodeemicNerdle · 08/03/2014 23:50

I have 2 DD's and a DS. They are all different, but DS is no harder or easier than his sisters. Ignore the idiots trying to put a downer on your coming baby.

gingermop · 08/03/2014 23:54

as much as I hate stereotyping my 3 ds's where so much easier than my dd.
if I were to hav another Id want a boy

123rd · 09/03/2014 00:09

Are you joking OP?? My Ds was a breeze compared to Dd. as others have said , all children are different

drspouse · 09/03/2014 08:23

I also think people just like to say something for the sake of commenting. When we heard we were adopting a boy lots of people said "a boy, how lovely", which is true but kind of implied they were waiting to hear which it was before commenting and they might not have said a girl was lovely!
But really they just wanted to say something, and couldn't think what!

cory · 09/03/2014 08:30

I got the same shite with a girl- they're so bitchy, you know and you never know what's going on under the surface.

In RL I have found that dd is a remarkably straightforward person who will flare up quickly and forget about it just as quickly. Ds otoh is a person who simmers under the surface.

Dd in her younger days was far more likely to just push somebody over, whereas ds would sit around pondering an incident for days.

Not about gender but about genes imo: dd takes after her grandmother, ds takes after me.

Out of my two older brothers, one takes after the grandmother side of the family and goes off into sudden strops and then hugs and makes up within half an hour. The other just withdraws. Same gender, different personalities.

thegreylady · 09/03/2014 08:36

My two dgs are wonderful but different from one another. One is gentle, thoughtful and wants to 'protect animals in the wild' when he grows up. The other is very boisterous but a great reader, he wants to be a 'mountain rescue doctor' theyare 7 and 5. Both are cuddly, affectionate and very precious.
I have one of each. I would say my ds was much the easier as a child but dd is closer to me as an adult. They are much loved regardless of gender.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 09/03/2014 09:24

Mother of 3 boys here.

All placid and thoughtful as young boys and still that way now at 14, 16 and 18.

Ignore any twattish comments.

liveoutloud · 22/03/2014 22:33

You will hear this all the time, from people that have boys that are devils and people that do not have boys but think that boys are devils. I am a woman and have a lot to tell about boys and men but this is not the moment. I think that how a boy will turn out depends a lot on his personality but more than that the actual upbringing. Parents often treat boys differently, handle them more roughly, send them to all sort of fighting or rough kind of sports, let them go crazy, do not stop unwanted behaviour right when it starts and quite a few of them are not as gentle with their boys than they are with the girls because they want them to grow up manly. You need to love, kiss and cuddle your baby boy as much as you would a girl, give them all your love but set strict boundaries what is and is not acceptable for anybody (not even a little boy), and they will grow up being as good as can be.

mummymeister · 22/03/2014 23:11

had to laugh have both in this house. so with a boy then you get huge emotional upheavals every month - " I am fat/spotty/unattractive/you hate me/ you love sibling more. you are going to get rows over skirt length and lowness of top. you are going to get endless discussion about why megan likes to sit next to kylie but kylie doesn't like sitting next to her because sarah told her that ellen told her... You are going to get hours in the bathroom. mascara on the bath towels. shampoo and conditioner that must be being eaten so much is used. straightners left on, on the carpet. yep I could go on about those pesky boys.

foreverondiet · 22/03/2014 23:32

I had DD first, and then DS1, and its true he was a much harder baby - less calm, difficult feeder, found it hard to settle, woke up in night more.

But then I had DS2 - when I found out I was having a boy, I thought, oh he'll be like DS1. But actually so far (and he is 4) he is much easier than either DD or DS1. He was the best feeder and sleeper and the calmest of the three.

Its down to personality and not to gender.

Meanwhile DD is now 10, and is a moody pain in the arse!

Charley50 · 22/03/2014 23:42

Havent read all comments but my baby boy was easy. Hope yours is too :-)

ViviDeBeauvoir · 22/03/2014 23:43

People love to make flippant comments like this but that's all they are.
If it'd been the other way round they'd have found something in the same vein to say about that but DC are all different, regardless of gender.
FWIW I have 3DC and DD is the most challenging of the three (the other two are boys).

I'm sure this has nothing to do with her gender, just her personality.

paddyclampo · 22/03/2014 23:46

People talk such shit. Having one of each I hate boy bashing and girl bashing! DS was lively and could turn the place upside down in minutes but he was and still is lovely! DD is also lovely and doesn't have a bitchy or other gender stereotype trait bone in her body.

Enjoy your kids for who they are OP. No gender is better or worse than the other.

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