AIBU to think if your own mothers refers to you as coloured

[Fusedog]

I was in tesco today talking to a women who was clearly pregnant we were down the baby isle and she started asking me about my dd hair, what I do with it ECt
Then she said I only ask because I am havering a coloured baby as well
AIBU to think this child stands no change in terms of self asteem in terms of her heritage or background if her own mother refers to her as coloured ffs

Btw I am black my ds is mixed the lady was white

I wasn't cross just felt a bit sorry for the baby she is gonna have

I mean "I have a partner who is not the same skin colour as me"

I think the woman just is not very 'up' on modern day terminology and thinks that to call her child black is not technically correct, and neither will it be white, so coloured sounds ok to her. It's certainly unusual and old-fashioned (perhaps she was not British and comes from somewhere where the phrase is not frowned upon so much?) but I don't think you can draw any conclusions on what you anticipate the state of her child's self esteem will be based on that.

I am sure once the baby is born and everyone she comes into contact with in authority, Midwives, HVs, GPs, schools etc all refer to the child as mixed race or dual heritage or whatever this week's acceptable phrase is, she will adapt accordingly.

We were taught to use the word "black" in school and were specifically told saying "coloured" was offensive.

According to dd (6) no one is black, they're dark brown. No one is white, they're p

They're pink. I think she's got it right. I hate the terms white black and brown.

I'm a bit confused. Why by being termed as coloured by her mum going to lower her self asteam? Another mum approached you to ask for some friendly advice about how to deal with something she may need some help with (hair and how to deal with it) and because she used a term that we are being told is no longer PC ( I say that cos in my experience black, and Asian people tend not to care, just someone somewhere has decided we should no longer say it) she is ruin her child before it's born. In addition as the child is not born yet maybe she feels happier saying that as she doesn't know how she will look, acknowledging that she will be darker skinned but not comfortable with the mixed race / duel heratige term. Mountain and molehill spring to mind

MrsDeVere the ops assertion is perfectly valid, considering that black men are failed by the mental health services are. over represented in the criminal justice system.

There is more to raising a black child than their hair. Love and affection is not enough black children must be empowered to understand the institutionalised racism in society and not internalise that discourse and being to hate themselves.

Of course intention does matter - if someone of an older generation refers to my children or DH and I as coloured or even some other more offensive term I would take in the spirit intended. But someone younger would get short thrift - it's not a term you'd ever hear in the media or in modern books or TV for example, and it isn't an acceptable term now.

We're all coloured, anyway, of all shades, which is why I also don't love 'person of colour'. It's most frustrating that people feel such a need to put us all in boxes. Like the stupid 'where are you from?' 'London'', 'but where are your parents from?', 'London', 'but what's your background?'... Grrrr.

People who say that all this is tiresome have to consider how bloody exhausting it is to LIVE it.

And re the original question - yes, I would be a little concerned, because maybe that mother has not understood some of the challenges that her child will face, and certainly doesn't sound like she may have been through much of it with we partner (whatever Worra says, I know no males of child-creating age who'd call themselves coloured). But so long as she said it lovingly, she'll sort it out soon enough.

I used the word coloured the other day but I was teaching about Rosa Parks so it was the word they used in those days. I cringed as I used it.

Maybe it depends where you come from too. My MIL used the word coloured a few months ago, when I told her it was rude she was shocked as that's what was considered polite in her generation (she's in her 60s). But she also lives in an area of England which is almost totally white. So I don't think she often talks about black people in any way at all, as she rarely meets anyone who isn't white English (or Chinese, as there is a small but thriving Chinese community at her church, somewhat bizarrely). I just don't think that the current terminology is on her radar if you see what I mean. She was mortified when I told her it wasn't appropriate any more, but she really didn't know.

My partner is black, I am white. He's from Zimbabwe so so him our daughter is coloured as that is what they call mixed race in his country. While I wouldn't use it, I don't get offended or upset if he or his friends would use it in relation to our daughter because I would understand the cultural context. It was possible that it was the same for this woman.

I have mixed race children, live in London, but grew up in Cornwall. I am shocked if I hear the term half caste or coloured. However the thing that shocked me much more than this, was the fact that a little boy in D1's class told her she had the wrong skin colour the other day. I told her this was not right, and asked her to tell me if it continued. So far it has been an isolated incident. The boy who said it is from Russia. If more of this happens the school will be contacted. However at the moment, I think making a fuss may do more harm than good. We chose the school in part because it is pretty mixed racially.

I have a very racially mixed group of friends, and find that in this group we are very relaxed with how we talk to each other. Another white person in our group summed this up perfectly by saying that when he was in less racially mixed groups he had to be more careful what he says for fear of being accused of racism.

It doesn't help that people in the US still refer to 'people of colour' and many high profile black people use that term to define themselves. It sends out mixed and confusing messages to people in the UK who are not very aware of what is and isn't considered polite/acceptable any more, and fall over themselves trying not to offend.

I have also heard 'people/women/men of colour' a lot recently. Is it PC or not?

In the US, yes, in the UK obviously not!

It's interesting how when it comes to race and ethnicity there appears to be a core of people who struggle to understand the changes in language or attitude that naturally occur in most civilised and developed societies.

Ok, let's rewrite this thread with the word 'mongol' or 'spazzer'. How would we feel about the mother to be's choice of language to describe her unborn child then? Would those who feel using the term 'coloured' is acceptable argue the same for either of these terms used as recently as the 1970's/80's.
Really? Would you?
I think not. They are now recognised as highly offensive. People with disabilities have asked us to stop using them. Thank goodness we've all become more enlightened about disability and terminology.

But what is it that prevents some people accepting that times change regarding race and the way black and minority ethnic people choose to define themselves and ask you as their neighbours, friends, colleagues and family members to refer to them ( if you really need to make reference to their skin colour )? Why this lack of respect and reluctance to accept and comply with their wishes?

Could it be racism? I hope not. Ignorance is preferable.

If you've been arguing that this is ok....Hands up if you're racist. You carry on as you were.
And hands up if you're ignorant. Don't be ashamed, we all learn new things every day.
Here you go. For the ignorant - it's not ok to use the term coloured anymore. It doesn't matter what you think about that or how you feel about it. It's not ok. No one will hold your past transgressions against you. Feel free to pass on your new knowledge.

This thread really feels like a dance, everyone is carefully placing their feet so as not to tread on someone else's toes. I think if we walked through life treating every potentially inflammatory topic so carefully it would be a much more peaceful place, especially on here!!

sebsmummy peaceful but simmering with resentments and misunderstandings. I kinda hope I the stopped dancing :) in a good way.

But Mongol was an accepted term used by HCPs for many years, and Mong was the derogatory term. Spazzer was only ever a derogarory term, and Spastic was a perfectly acceptable term used by HCPs and the Spastic Society themselves. Both terms come from describing physical characterisitcs of their respective conditions/syndromes, rather than using the name of the conditions/syndromes themselves, which is what happens now.

The term coloured was never deliberately intended to be derogatory - it just came from a very narrow white-centric POV, that there was the default setting of white people, and then there was everyone else non-white, ie. coloured. As though we white/pink people didn't have a colour of their own that was different to the colour of everyone else!

And for a long time in the UK it was considered rude to directly refer to black people as black. People genuinely thought they were being polite and more accepting by saying coloured. Many older people still do.

These threads just make me smile as the subject ends up being discussed as though we were all in a lecture theatre.

The middle class, well educated, grammar pedants wow us with historical references and Geography lessons while staring out the windows of their leafy suburbs at the countless white children cycling past. Interjected by some members who actually have some real idea of living in this country and not being White and those opinions get washed away by some more middle class, white ponderings.

Sebsmummy1 you got in one.

michelleobarner and your point is?

My point is that it was not a good analogy to compare Spazzer which has always been intended to cause offence, with coloured which hasn't.

And my second point is that when the woman in question referred to her own uborn child as coloured she was not intending to be derogatory about it, and I doubt very much that had she been told her baby was going to be born with a physical disability that she would be running up to the parents of disabled children and saying 'can you give me any advice? I am expecting a Mong/Spazzer too.'

Coloured was used as a colonial tool to privilege one group over another. I find that offensive Michelle