Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm a grown ass woman and I shouldn't feel like this?

17 replies

Meepers · 08/03/2014 13:47

I posted a couple of weeks ago under a different name (very similar to the one I am now using though)

Don't want to go into too much detail about previous thread as I have reason to believe that someone from his group of friends has seen my previous posts and put two and two together but Police were involved there was a PSO issued to my ExH and a NHO issued to his girlfriend.

My ExH has now taken to visiting a friend of his who lives opposite me, as in they can see into my living room and bedroom from theirs. I've spent days at various other houses (family/friends) and going on day outings with my DD because it creeps me out that he is sitting over in that house. I want to point out I've lived here for 2.5 years and he has never visited until this last week and a half.

Whenever we have been in the house I have kept the blinds tilted so nobody can see in.

I know he isn't doing anything wrong but it's obvious he's trying to intimidate me. I've seen him standing at the window watching when we've been leaving. Even my downstairs neighbour has come in to check I'm ok because they have noticed the odd behaviour.

I hate feeling like this, it's like living in a damn goldfish bowl. Is there anything I can do? My friend has suggested contacting my solicitor to push for a NHO for ExH (it was mentioned before) but I don't really know if this is harassment. All he is doing after all is visiting a friend.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 13:49

I've also just realised that the this thread would give me away anyway if someone from RL were to read it so I may as well just say. It was the thread about ExH new g/f trying to collect my DD from nursery.

For any new posters as well ExH has no contact with DD.

OP posts:
NoodleOodle · 08/03/2014 13:53

YANBU Get some legal advice.

Finola1step · 08/03/2014 13:56

Oh no. I posted on your last thread. I think you should speak to the police officer originally involved. And it could be a good idea to talk to MNHQ re advice on deleting threads. Will PM you.

squoosh · 08/03/2014 13:58

YANBU

That sounds like creepy intimidating behaviour. I agree that you need to get some legal advice.

Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 14:04

I think I will ring the solicitor on Monday and see if they think I should report to the police.

My problem with ringing the police is simply that he is visiting a friend. He could easily say it has nothing to do with the fact I live opposite. I don't believe it for one minute but how could anyone prove otherwise?

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/03/2014 14:04

Hello I remember. Speak to the police again? Maybe they can have an intimidating word with him. And speak to your solictor as well.

I don't know the legal ins and outs of it all, but I do know that it's very helpful to have a paper trail of these things as individually they may seem insignificant, but together, they build a fuller picture. If you don't report things at the time it's not so compelling...

harriet247 · 08/03/2014 14:09

Definitly phone the police. If needs be take photos of him on your phone looking in etc. Very creepy behaviour.remember yiur last thread.

Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 14:12

Maybe I should ring the police, I wouldn't want them coming to the house at the moment though. Since I seem to be being monitored Hmm

It's stupid, I feel intimidated because I know I can't do anything. The only thing stopping me going over is the fact I know it probably wouldn't go in my favour and suspect that me ex wants me to have a go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 16:04

I rang the police and one of the officers who dealt with the situation the other week rang back quite quickly.

He has said that they will invite ExH in for an informal chat and in the meantime to not engage with him if he attempt at any communication.

I've decided it's silly to let him intimidate me too and the blinds have been opened. If he wants to watch me hoovering mumsnetting playing with DD like a peeping tom then so be it. Hopefully he'll get bored soon enough.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 08/03/2014 16:10

Good for you Meepers. Let him watch as you parent your child properly and with love. He'll soon get bored if you're not taking the bait.

Logg1e · 08/03/2014 16:15

Good response from the police there!

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/03/2014 16:16

Hasn't he got a life to get on with? He has to spend all day spying on you like a perv? Weirdo.

No wonder he's an ex.

Have you heard of sash jammers? They stop anyone forcing entry into your home.

Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 17:53

The woman who lives across is away so it's just her husband who is at home and signed off sick atm. He is a drinker same as ExH so I do suspect that it is also just somewhere to go get pissed. However she is away quite a lot and I have never seen ex there before when she has been away.

My ExH mustn't be working again. I saw (well actually I heard) them leaving earlier so I'm feeling a bit less like a goldfish now Smile

OP posts:
Sovaysovay · 08/03/2014 18:53

The police can be the ones to judge if he's visiting the friend or not. He can arrange to meet his 'friend' in a cafe.

elfycat · 08/03/2014 19:09

I read your last thread, though I didn't post. You continue to amaze me with your resilience and sense.

YANBU at all, to feel how you are. But extremely well done for turning it around to opening the blinds so he can see you get support and advice against his idiocy MNetting.

Keep letting the police know what he's up to. If you get any kind restraining order thing against him later all these episodes will add up to how far away from you he has to make sure he is. He's working for you really...

Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 19:31

Darkness - Curtains close, sleeping child and wine chilling Grin

Thanks, I don't feel very resilient or sensible right now though. I just don't get it, we've been here for 2.5 years, I moved here after I left him and he followed suit 3 months later Hmm And although I have often had hassle with texts, phonecalls, if I bumped into him nothing like this. I even tried to introduce and support contact a few times and he always chose to stop or did things that made it impossible to continue.

I honestly feel like moving away where he won't be able to find us some days. The only thing stopping me is we've got a lot of friends and family here.

It's sad but I time mine a DDs walks, visits to the shop so we are away from that area when the pub opens. If we do need to venture down we walk the way that takes about twice as long so I don't need to walk past. If we go to the park we get on the bus to the next village because the park is near his parents. I'm fed up living my life to avoid him. I know it's daft but I just want a quiet life and I'm beginning to think it's not going to happen unless I uproot myself and DD and start again somewhere new Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Meepers · 08/03/2014 19:34

Sorry realise that reads like I avoid his parents. I don't, we have a good relationship (most of the time) it's just that he stays with them, well sometimes, I know they can go days without seeing him but he is there a lot.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page