To be pissed off with dh's comment 'I don't know what you do all day'

[Moonfacesmother]

In a slightly complicated situation at the moment.
I've been a sahm since ds was born and he started school full time after christmas. Because I've been out of work for 4 and a half years I've been volunteering three and a half days a week to try and get myself some current experience and references. In addition to this we are currently undergoing rounds of ivf (first unsuccessful cycle last month trying again next month) which makes it quite tricky to find a permanent job when I will need time off and will not be able to explain why to a new employer.

This morning the dishwasher hadn't been on and dh needed a knife. I came and washed him one after hearing his loud dramatic sighs and he said 'honestly I don't know what you do all day.'

Monday to Wednesday I volunteer until it's time to fetch ds from school, Thursday I am home about 2ish and fetch ds at quarter to three. Yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, ironed and did the food shop.

Aibu to be pissed off? He could have quite easily put the dishwasher on himself last night, it's not rocket science. I just hasn't noticed how full it was.

[WelshMoth]

You are entitled to "me" time OP - I think that's the issue here.

You need to take that time for yourself and by sheer virtue of doing that, your DH's response will certainly show him for what he really is. If he's unwilling, or put-out or dramatically sighing in any way shape or form, then he is absolutely thinking that you are the skivvy, and he is the only one deserving of "me" time.

You need to challenge that OP, you really do.

[alemci]

their mothers expat . he never had to anything and I suspect his dad was the same.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

A house with kid/s is a lot of work. So is working. So is juggling the two. The bins hoovering dishwasher wiping kitchen/bathroom are obvious. But that really touches just the surface. It's the unseen jobs and the "I'll leave it for x/x'll do it" that drive people to murder.

Today for instance dd2 (1) pulled a line of books off the shelf at about 10am. Dh ignored them all day. He told me about it when I got back with dd2 (3) at 1pm. Walked round them over them and even through them. They were by the patio doors, it's hard to get out without seeing them. He didn't pick one up. At five pm I picked them up and asked why he hadn't. He looked completely blank then said got arsy. Now either he didn't see them, they didn't register or he had mentally decided it was my job as baby did it. By his reaction it was definitely the last.

He had it coming. He had it coming... (I love that song from Chicago! It's very very fucking accurate)

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

Agree with welsh moth as otherwise you are the cleaner not his wife or equal.

[redskyatnight]

I think the problem is the voluntary work. Does DH support/understand that this is a stepping stone towards getting a paid job? If he doesn't he may well see the 3.5 days of volunteering as OP's "hobby" .

[RandomMess]

I think you did very well not to lamp your dh around the head with the nearest object!!!

Running a house/family etc takes time and effort - I don't see you getting equal leisure time in your current arrangement...

[NobodyLivesHere]

My ex used to make comments like this. I was at home looking after 3 (school age) children with a chronic health condition and volunteering at my local women's aid shelter 2/3 days a week. Yet he felt it acceptable to come home and have a tantrum complain if I hadn't washed the dishes or if I hadn't hoovered twice he's obsessive as well a dick. So I left him.

Honestly OP he is taking the piss, it was a knife, if your house was knee deep in filth then maybe he'd have a point, but unless he's never forgotten anything in his life then he needs to wind his neck in.

On the IVF side you have my deepest sympathy, it sounds like hell on earth and I can totally understand why you feel reluctant to put yourself through it again. You need to have long think about what YOU want at this point. Good luck whatever you decide x

[chocolatemademefat]

Put your feet up and stop doing the things you normally do. Then when he realises there's no cleanie genie doing everything while you're lazing around he might see sense and apologise. He needs better training.