To wonder how many are trying to keep up with the Joneses

[Coffeeinthepark]

I realise I've spent a crazy amount of time lately thinking about parts of my house that need improving. I've got a slightly dated kitchen, not my choice of colour but objectively 99% of the world's population would be very grateful for it and my own grandmothers could not have imagined such luxuries.

Problem is, all around me, people are redoing their kitchens and of course the nicer they become, the worse mine looks to me by comparison.

But new kitchens cost a lot of money and that comes at a cost of longer hours, more years working etc. I see a lot of families, including mine, working hard to do their houses up but I think it is a huge collective action problem of conspicuous consumption fed by beautiful interior magazines. Maybe I will do my kitchen and maybe it will make someone else feel worse about theirs in turn.

AIBU to think I should fight my desire for the dream kitchen?

......It can all change in an instant too........

That it can.

If it gives you pleasure and you can afford it why not? Actually think spending on a house makes sense you get to conduct your life in a lovely environment and if you are careful can recoup what you spent when you come to sell.

There's a human need to push on and improve things largely why we are so successful as a species...

Kerala - There's also human sadness and needless dissatisfaction from constantly feeling inadequate.

Indeed.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to live in 'a nice environment' per se, but without wishing to sound pious, I think it's worth remembering the OP's original comment - a vast %age of the population of the world don't have what we have. To be able to say 'this kitchen just doesn't work for me' is a statement of incredible privilege.

And as for being successful as a species - I have serious doubts that the western world's relentless pursuit of 'more, bigger, shinier, better' is actually doing any of us any good at all...

I am an interior designer and also moreso these days I renovate houses for a living. I can honestly say that many people put waaay too much emphasis on their house and the importance of the kitchen triangle or feature wall or whatever thing they want that they think will be the holy grail. It rarely is and I have found the more money and more choice these people have the less satisfied with thr outcome as tbh they think it can achieve the impossible

I agree tea

Yes I am privileged when you consider the % of the worlds population who work for $1 per day.
But I also have a crappy, dangerous kitchen.
So am getting a brand spanking new one :)
I was researching buying a retro kitchen - thought it would be cheaper - hollow laughter!

Feeling inadequate because of what someone else is doing comes from your own insecurity though. I had a kitchen that my neighbours cleaner said "was like her granny's"! other people were shocked by it particularly older people as it was free standing and not fitted and modern. It worked well though. Now we are modernising but would hate it if our friends thought we were doing it to show off or were made to feel bad in any way.

Kerala...I nearly bought the Ikea free standing kitchen! ) I really like the idea of being able to pack your kitchen up and move it with you!
I looked at etsy etc for retro larder cupboard but they are £££ :(

I would love a new kitchen,but Im not going to be getting one because Im saving up for my very own little runaround car for me and ds to enjoy,its going to be an old car and Ill love it because Im working so hard to get it!I am quite houseproud but Im pretty thrifty with it so I dont spend a fortune and Im not in debt,I kind of do little bits at a time.I enjoy DIY to be fair as mad as it may sound to others.I dont believe Im keeping up with the joneses because one if the things Ive really wanted in my life for my family is a nice home and I feel like Im doing something for all of us in doing bits at a time.I moved around a lot as a kid and never had really a house that was home for more than a couple of years so I want this house to be that for us.

I think it's the human condition to aspire to have the same as others, or better. Of course it's good to keep it in perspective and always appreciate what you have.

We are far less extended than most people we know, and feel very fortunate. We also actively choose not to aspire up to the next level of what I see as pointless /insane spending.

So our kitchen is old and not terribly attractive but we are in no rush to renovate.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a bit of pride and pleasure in your home. Most people are sensitive to their environment to a point and appreciate attractive, tidy rooms.

However when you start to lose pleasure because of what others have, that is the time to firmly count your blessings.

When I find myself doing this I remember one of my favourite sayings: comparison is the thief of joy. Then I belt up and get on with life- the one I've got, not the mythical one of my daydreams. Ultimately it's more immediate and satisfying.

It's so easy to get caught up in this though and I admit I have done so myself.

We live in an affluent part of London in a normal 3 bed house (well 2.5 bed as one room is the size of a cupboard). We moved here from a teeny flat so to us it felt like a palace and I loved it.

Then we met some local friends, one couple in particular are very much the 'Jones's' types. The woman started making several comments about my house such as how narrow it was and about handbags and shoes . Stupidly on my part I turned my attention to things I had never felt were important before hand.In the meantime this couple were spending fortunes on an extension, new kitchen and two new bathrooms. I will admit I was . But then I learnt a few home truths about this couples lives and the people themselves which made me appreciate my life a whole lot more. I also began to see the futility of the competitiveness. Probably topped off by a discussion between the couple previously mentioned and another local couple about who had the best loft extension

I created a bit of distance between ourselves and these 'friends' and am all the better for it. We have a house fund and will get our manky bathroom replaced when we can. In the meantime I will just paint it and keep the mold at bay.

As for spending money on houses in general. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Personally, I would choose to do it without getting into debt. An exception would be if it were something I would recoup the cost on at some point and this was factored in.

In two minds. I have friends in west London and the amount of money families there seem to spend to basically stand still is boggling.

However, I do probably put quite a lot of emphasis on my home. Growing up we had ll mismatched second hand and cheap stuff to begin with, then once we could afford nicer things it caused conflict as my mum has really good taste but dad just can't see the point. He genuinely would be happy sitting on the same old chair he was 15 years ago, but then again he never does anything to improve his environment, so if something is awkward or annoying he just lives around it, which I think is erring on the lazy.

I work from home and have small children so I spend a lot of time here. But the improvements which make me happiest are often the smallest. A £10 spice rak from amazon which fits inside cupboards and means I can see what I want while cooking. A £30 b&q bathroom cabinet which means that the stunning, expensive, impractical bathroom our previous owners installed can actually be USED. Even the utility room, which was expensive to build but isn't exactly showy! It's about how our family functions, with dogs, and buggies, and sports kit and small children in wellies.

I do also think that a house is a massive financial investment and so it makes sense to look after it. People who do things that drastically reduce the value of their property always make me wonder.

We go our kitchen from MFI (!) before it went under. We go it on 0% finance and the sales person was trying to persuade us to have fancy Corian work surfaces. They would have cost about £3-4K. The lady tried to argue that i would only be an extra £100 or so per month extra. I had to keep a clear head and think logically - my first car cost less than the cost of the work surface. It was only work surface after all.

You need to 'cut your cloth' a little and no get carried away.

God no!

I just admire their taste, and earning power/ savings plan, and inwardly rearrange my must do at some point list and carry on.

I prefer to squander any spare cash on looking lovely and making sure the dc are well dressed and happy, with plenty of activities etc.

No doubt when I am older I will get out the cake forks and channel hyacinth bucket:)

I prefer to buy good stuff in sales though, which I expect to last forever so although my table napkins are kitchen roll today, by Christmas they will be decent linen:) unless I get my hair done once too often obviously:)

We cannot afford to keep up with the Jones'.

We live on a modest road with modest cars but well kept gardens. Our mortgaged home looks very much like a renters home, in that all walls are magnolia. We have brown Argos settees, pictures, vases with twigs. The kitchen is bog standard with fake wooden cupboards and black two tone surfaces. Nice enough for us but nothing special that visitors will comment on.

There are beautiful houses a few mins away that I gasp at whenever we drive past. Double fronted houses with solid doors, drive ways, landscaped front gardens, spotlights, 2013/2014 expensive cars.

Our road always looks rather grim after passing those beautiful houses.

A friend lives in Chislehurst and I feel a little . The area is beautiful.

I have heard that the happiest people are those who are richer than their neighbours. I am not so sure.

I am not content and know I should be.

I yearn to live in a nice area Chislehurst/Bickley/Sevenoaks where there are strong work ethics and less crime. I would like a double fronted house, two 2013 cars, landscaped garden, nice views.

I feel embarrassed about the area I live in. It has high unemployment, a lot of anti social behaviour and the town centre is so grim. This was all we could afford and I pretend to be okay about it to others. I can hardly admit it.

Muminneed sounds like you live in my hometown!

We've changed the kitchens in this house and the previous house. Both times we changed the layout to make them more practical. We can afford it and have done it to make our home more comfortable for our needs. This time, previous "improvements" had left us with no heating in a kitchen/ dining room and the floor was dangerously slippery. The changes we've made have resulted in a comfortable room for the family, with much more efficient use of space. It's not about the Jones. It's not a show home or trendy, just making the space we live in comfortable for our taste and needs. It's got to last us, we do it all ourselves so we're not redoing it in a hurry!

Limited Really?

Well, you can always be dissatisfied by looking at those who have more than you. It's a game you'll never win, so why play it?

I'm incredibly lucky to have my health, to have had a wonderful childhood, amazing husband and fantastic family and in-laws. These are the things that money cannot buy and no amount of "stuff" could ever make up for a deficiency in any of them. I know lots of seriously rich people: most of them are surrounded by beautiful things and totally miserable. You really won't be happier with a shiny kitchen. Who cares what the Jones think??

Vir

I wouldnt like to disclose exactly where but your description matches