To wonder how many are trying to keep up with the Joneses

[Coffeeinthepark]

I realise I've spent a crazy amount of time lately thinking about parts of my house that need improving. I've got a slightly dated kitchen, not my choice of colour but objectively 99% of the world's population would be very grateful for it and my own grandmothers could not have imagined such luxuries.

Problem is, all around me, people are redoing their kitchens and of course the nicer they become, the worse mine looks to me by comparison.

But new kitchens cost a lot of money and that comes at a cost of longer hours, more years working etc. I see a lot of families, including mine, working hard to do their houses up but I think it is a huge collective action problem of conspicuous consumption fed by beautiful interior magazines. Maybe I will do my kitchen and maybe it will make someone else feel worse about theirs in turn.

AIBU to think I should fight my desire for the dream kitchen?

Can I add a slightly different angle...I am very much of the shit tip house and happy with my choices camp, BUT we are now getting renovations done, and although I wasn't sure at first, I am now looking forward to it being done, and just think that I work my arse off and might as well have something to enjoy? We don't go out much etc, I am quite a homebody, so now I will have a nice house to sit at home in! Dh says my automatic response to any kind of upgrade/purchase of anything I feel is a bit flash or uneccessary is to think I don't deserve it for some reason?

Good point LauraPashley.
You earn your money, you spend it on what is important to you

We live in an affluent part of London too OP - a part where there is lots of money about. We also have a spectacular kitchen - it's fantastic. Before that we lived in the same house for 21 years and when we bought it we had a spectacular kitchen then too - by the time we left it was dated and tired but there wasn't much wrong with it. What comes around goes around and our new super duper kitchen won't be so super duper in five years time - other people will have better ones but I will still expect another 20 years out of it because that is what is sensible.

I share a cleaner with a friend who has a truly lavish home and lifestyle. I said once to the cleaner "oh dear slumming it here isn't quite like working for ". Our cleaner said the nicest thing any one has ever said "oh but I like it better here, everyone is happy".

I came off facebook for this very reason. Granted, I have a new kitchen but my DP is a kitchen fitter and it cost us nothing. I was getting really down/fed up with people constantly going on about material stuff.
'Ooh new car next week. treating myself!' Sorry but treating yourself if a massage or a new mascara. Not a new mercedes. Yes I'd love a new car and not a V reg Volvo but I'm not willing to spend £400+ on a car before I even put petrol in it.
It's lovely to have nice things but not lovely to be a slave to working for them.
I am actually amazed at how people do it. I can only assume that it's mostly on credit.
Loads of people are stuck in this trap. Just think how lucky you are to not have that rope round your neck.You'll get a new kitchen but when it's right for you. Don't get bogged down with the jones. They're up to their eyeballs in debt.
Promise.

Laurapashley, there's nothing wrong with spending your money on your home as you see fit. Of course you work hard for it. It's the constant pressure people feel due to people boasting about materialistic shit. Everyone likes their home to be lovely and you deserve that. I think it's when there's an element where people presume it's the norm and that everyone should get themselves into debt to have the latest gadget. Just thought i'd explain my last post there incase i caused offence.

I'm getting married soon and we're paying for a small do. Dp's parents want to buy us something for 1k. I'm really struggling with this -bear with me...

We're very lucky, we have what we need. What we'd like is to be debt free by the end of the year (should be doable) and have another child.

They keep offering stuff that we don't need. They won't contribute to the wedding or a holiday that we'd enjoy. It has to be a tangible thing.

They keep asking us, and making suggestions about stuff we don't need -new table? Already have one... Etc etc. it's so strange. They won't just transfer money so we can add it to a bigger future project.

Very first world, and very grateful but y'know it's a weird albatross round our necks.

Not sure what the point of my post is . Just that money is weird.

Oh I can see where they are coming from mabel - I can understand that they want you to have a high value item that they bought for you. Really nice curtains, beautiful china, a rug, a picture.

It's funny you posted this thread because DH and I were having a similar conversation the other day. If all the middle classes stopped buying new shiny things in place of older perfectly serviceable ones today then I think most people would be happier. Shorter working hours, more time as families a dc immunities, less stress.

Unfortunately every company out there is working hard towards making you want everything you see every second of every day to grow the economy...because that's what makes the stupidly rich even richer.

i can't understand why people spend on their houses if they work well

who cares what your bog looks like?

spend money on things that people can see - like shoes

We've just moved in to a new build property. Quote for blinds was extortionate so I went to ikea and charity shops. We have silverware/china that never gets used (have small children and just aren't dinner party people). We have one rug that is fine, and the cats are happy on it . I can't think of a single high value item I'd like or enjoy.

Say we got a table; I know I'd suck the joy out of it by looking at it every night thinking 'but you do the same thing as our old one'. And I'd be flapping about small Clarence spilling juice or weeks is on it.

See, my shoes are pretty shit and I don't even have a car! And my mascara was a free gift! But we have manageable mortgage payments which inc the money we borrowed to renovate, and soon-ish I should have a decent kitchen (not flash but hopefully v functional) to cook for my kids in, and they will be able to access the back garden much more easily/safely to play through new doors...I'm hoping I will feel happy and not guilty?!? And I will worry people will think I'm trying to "keep up" in some way!

Damn you autocorrect!!

Small children and weetabix! My children are not called Clarence!

When I'm in two minds about whether or not to spend the ££ on something, I think back on all of the things I had to have, went and got and how many of those same things I still have and enjoy .

So in terms of this kitchen thing, I'd wonder - if your current kitchen was the nicest kitchen on your street/amongst your friends, would you still be super keen to redo it? Exact same kitchen as you have now. If yes, then cool, there's your answer. But if no...

Mabel would be Clarence's sister..

LauraP, I'm the same. I love my home... It's a symbol of security for me. I love getting home at the end of the day and being in an environment that I have made calm, comfortable and (to me) beautiful. Other people may get that from holidays or whatever is important to them. I choose to invest more in my experience of the 51 weeks a year I'm here than theexperience of the 1 week a year i go on holiday. i find it irritating that some people see work on one's home as more materialistic than going on holiday - they're both luxuries, either one may have a competitive edge or not. It's nice when people say nice things about my house, but if they hate it, I really don't mind, because I'm only doing it to please the people who live here.

Why would an iPad default to Clarence? I know it's not an air, but it's not an 8 track fgs.

i spent the majority of my adult life with children having nothing, living on sink estates and trying my hardest working really really hard to not be there.

so now i am not there, i adore every inch and savour everything i have i think everything is beautiful, wonderful.

but i did at one time when i had nothing, i had a lot of envy

my point is i think thats it, i dont envy anyone anymore, i am content becuase i came from nothng

I painted my kitchen while my neighbours ripped theirs out. I had less inconvenience, mess and expense. Mine looks great and I am perfectly happy with it now. The food tastes the same, whatever your kitchen looks like ;.))

Marvelous, is there any way your husband could ask the soon to be in laws? Just curious.

They've made it really clear their offer has those restrictions. It's a take it or leave it offer.

Boffin you say the food tastes the same, but in our last house there was billion year old carpet in the kitchen (yup - and people wonder why our rent was so cheap) and when it was humid outside the whole house smelled of Christmas Dinner 1986 or whatever smells were trapped in that thing and it wrecked all of our meals ;)

We bought the house 7 years ago. Have knocked down the breeze block garage and put a new wall and a garden room in, knocked down one cupboard and put the washing machine indoors. And had a new back door, and the front repointed. And redone the bathroom floor. That's it. No painting, decorating, nothing else.

I couldn't give a hoot what anyone else is doing.