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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu to be furious that ds is being called a N***** [thread title edited by MNHQ]

172 replies

bongobaby · 06/03/2014 17:24

I'm am pissed off that a child in ds class has been calling him a effing nigger. Not only has this child been calling ds this he has also been messaging him calling him this. They are both in year six. I have always brought ds up not to swear and I don't like it used around him it's an absolute no no for me. My ds is mixed raced so yep he is half black but that doesn't excuse this foul use of the term at school or through whatsapp and he is upset about it.
Need advise on how to approach this as I am fuming.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/03/2014 13:04

I normally find myself in agreement with most things HQ do

But editing the thread title was absolutely ridiculous

Exactly what was it supposed to achieve?

Finola1step · 07/03/2014 13:09

BB reply to the head straight away. Thank for the swift reply and advice. State that if there are any other incidents that the school are aware of in future, you request that they inform you immediately.

Ask why you were not informed last week as the head himself has described the language used as "inappropriate and racist". The school knew the seriousness of the situation, you should have been told. The school can not go back and change that, but it does need to be recognised.

From what you have written, the school's line is that they have dealt with it. But they will support you in the future if anything happens.

You could ask what measures as a school they take to combat racism and cyber bullying. What do they do within the curriculum, do they have workshops for the older children? For example, if you are in London, there is a great group called Chinwag Theatre who run equality and diversity workshops in primary and secondary schools. Ask the head if they run this kind of thing and if not, why not?

Original poster
bongobaby · 07/03/2014 13:20

Aga all the kids at ds primary school have that pain in the arse whatsapp I agree it should be 16 plus, but a lot of the kids are on Facebook already and I have said no to ds on that one and sort of compromised on the whatsapp. Ds uses it keep in touch with family members abroad and sometimes he doesn't always have phone credit to text.
I am finola1step a bit miffed as to why they did not let me know at the time that this had been going on, but I will reply back in the way you have worded it. The Heads response to my email was quick and it looks like it has been dealt with. So hopefully the boy will now take on-board his behaviour and not use the word again.
I see that my thread title has been edited by hq and again I will say that I did not mean to offend anyone on here who has been upset. This has been upsetting for ds and I hope that he can get on.

OP posts:
whichdidyouchoose · 07/03/2014 13:23

They didn't edit it they censored it.

AgaPanthers · 07/03/2014 13:23

My DS is in Y7, he doesn't have a phone, I'm not sure why you need one at that age really. As you say, it's a source for bullying.

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2014 13:24

bongo I think you were right to type the full word. The editing kind of minimises the impact it had on your child imo.

There is some very upsetting stuff to read on MN...infant death/rape/DV/cancer etc...etc.

I'm quite sure the majority of posters can cope with reading the full word Thanks

whichdidyouchoose · 07/03/2014 13:27

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Whitehouse

everlong · 07/03/2014 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JackNoneReacher · 07/03/2014 13:39

Will MNHQ be censoring all the posts in the this thread that use the word 'nigger'?

Is it banned from the whole site?

whichdidyouchoose · 07/03/2014 13:39

Censorship and it's whom

whichdidyouchoose · 07/03/2014 13:43

I imagine that MNHQ finds some words repellent but they do seem to be a bit selective and I am not alone in thinking they are a bit

FabBakerGirl · 07/03/2014 13:50

Worra - deleted it for the sake of those that can't handle reading the word. This child has been called it yet grown people can't cope with reading it Hmm.

Chippednailvarnish · 07/03/2014 13:53

Relaying a factual account of an insult does not need censorship. We are not a bunch of little women who need shielding from the truth.

LoonvanBoon · 07/03/2014 13:54

bongo I think you were right to type the full word. The editing kind of minimises the impact it had on your child imo.

Exactly - really bizarre decision by MNHQ.

Original poster
bongobaby · 07/03/2014 14:00

Oh my goodness aga I have just been reading the link to the thread. A grown adult is teaching her kids to replace a word in a nursery rhyme with the n word. Sorry but words fail me!
Yet again this proves why it needs to be nipped in the bud. Can't understand why HQ didn't do the same as they have did in my title on that one. I feel like they have slapped my hand for typing out a factual version of events using the word.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 07/03/2014 14:17

Just for the record, I see the changing of the thread title as censorship rather than editing. It was very clear why BB used the full word. Censoring the word minimises the situation for BB and her son.

Yes it's offensive. I am deeply offended. Not that the word was used on Mumsnet. I am deeply offended on behalf if BB and her son. So if you take exception to the word, think of that young boy please and save your indignation for him and what he has been called.

slithytove · 07/03/2014 14:29

Hi

I have joined so I can respond to this thread.

Firstly, I think it's ridiculous that the title has been censored, and undermines the content entirely.

Secondly, I don't think the heads reaction is good enough. Personally I would be asking why you weren't informed at the time, finding out what the imposed sanctions are, as well as possibly still making a complaint of racism to the lea.

When did your son last receive a message? Before or after the bully in question was sanctioned?

Fwiw I think you are dealing with this in the appropriate way.

Original poster
bongobaby · 07/03/2014 16:21

I think that the school should defiantly of informed me on this. I have emailed asking that should incidents of this nature take place again then I respectfully request that the Head inform me. From what I gather the boy says this to ds at playtimes, lunchtimes and whilst walking in the playground when the school bell has gone. Then he carries it on over messaging on the phone.

I have no idea at the moment whether the boy did it before or after as I didn't even realise that the boy had been spoken to or sanctioned about this until todays email from the head. Its kind of bugging me why they kept in to themselves at the school

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 07/03/2014 16:37

Were the latest what'sapp comments after the school allegedly dealt with the incident? Because if so I'd be straight back pointing out that their approach obviously didn't work... I would still push for a face to face appointment with the head too. I donkey be wrong but it seems to me they're minimising this.

I presume in England numbers of racial incidents would be looked at by Ofsted?

mrstigs · 07/03/2014 16:39

If this originally happened last week and the child was spoken to and yet it happened again this week the message clearly didn't sink in and more needs to be done. Unless I'm misunderstanding and these are old messages your son just showed you? I would certainly be following this up as the heads reaction does seem to be a little less then expected really.

And for what it's worth I add my name to the list of those who are a little Hmm at the HQ title edit.

Finola1step · 07/03/2014 16:51

Nun and Mrstigs raise good points re timing of messages. BB have a good chat with your son over the weekend. If there was even one message after he told the school, then I would suggest going into the office first thing Monday and ask to see the head. Wait all morning if you have to. I would advise the same if the boy has used the word again in the past few days.

Finola1step · 07/03/2014 16:55

Oh and just a thought. As the other boy is in Year 6, he is at least 10. Thus, deemed criminally responsible. If the messages continue, I would follow the school's advice and contact the police.

It really would be worth discussing with the school what they do in terms of teaching year 6 children about equality, cyber bullying and criminality within their PSHE/ Citizenship curriculum.

caruthers · 07/03/2014 17:37

Schools have a hard time putting a lid on general bullying even if they do have anti-bullying tactics in place. This is another form of bullying and it looks to have been poorly addressed.

Onepactupac · 07/03/2014 17:53

Posting on this thread to express, for the first time ever, my disappointment in MNHQ for changing the title of this thread. That was a knee jerk reaction that is extremely offensive - hate to say it, but probably the action of somebody more concerned with political correctness than really thinking through the substance of the matter.

What, exactly, was the reason for changing the thread title? Is it that MNHQ doesn't want to see the word 'nigger' on its forum (notwithstanding the hypocrisy of that given previous threads)? Seriously, think it through. Racism exists. Pretending it doesn't by deleting the word at best belittles the issue. At worst, it is insulting to those who suffer from it.

I am hoping to see another post from HQ, please.

OP, sorry to hijack. Good luck on making progress with your son's head teacher. Don't let him brush you off. At this age, this is the thin end of the wedge. Wish you fortitude.