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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother is being an idiot

75 replies

Verycold · 05/03/2014 23:34

His dd has repeatedly expressed a wish to learn the violin or recorder. Db won't have it "as he can't stand the sound in the house." Yet my nephew is allowed to learn the guitar, as that is agreeable apparently Confused

Why my dsil lets him get away with it I'll never know. If only we lived closer I'd happily let my niece keep and practise an instrument at ours...

OP posts:
shakinstevenslovechild · 05/03/2014 23:39

I think your brother is being very sensible. Recorders and badly played violins are 2 of the worst sounds in the world.

He obviously isn't againt her playing an instrument in general, just these 2, hopefully she expresses an interest in playing something a bit less screechy soon.

Caitlin17 · 05/03/2014 23:40

I have sympathy re the recorder but just because it's such a horrible instrument. I've never seen the point of it. I've heard people trying to explain it's a useful first instrument to learn for reading music but piano is a million times better.

Original poster
Verycold · 05/03/2014 23:42

But shouldn't he support his dd in something she feels passionate about? And she could practise when he's not there!

OP posts:
Original poster
Verycold · 05/03/2014 23:42

But shouldn't he support his dd in something she feels passionate about? And she could practise when he's not there!

OP posts:
Cuxibamba · 05/03/2014 23:44

The recorder and violin can sound lovely. But even the best student generally sounds really screechy/squeaky/painful for a short while.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 05/03/2014 23:45

Maybe he would be more accepting of a flute than the recorder? Maybe suggest that to him as a compromise?
Violins are not to everyone's taste. I think I would encourage my DC away from violins, recorders and drum kits.
Guitars and flutes are less offensive to the ear drums.

GenerationX · 05/03/2014 23:48

I agree YANBU, your DB is a ass. I am so not musical and I much prefer quite in my house - but since my DBIL gave my BS a drum set there is no peace and I am choosing to put up with it cause he enjoys it so much and they say it is good for children to learn musical instruments.

WooWooOwl · 05/03/2014 23:50

I can see where he's coming from with the recorder. They make an awful noise.

NobodyLivesHere · 05/03/2014 23:52

He's being an arse. My dd plays the violin and whilst I often want to poke out my own eardrums with a knitting needle I sufferlisten to her as she loves it.

Nocomet · 05/03/2014 23:53

Violins are painful and very difficult.

Recorders are painful at first, but can sound nice after a bit.

DSIL played folk music on her tenor recorder at our wedding (she plays flute, piano and bassoon too Envy)

Sparklysilversequins · 06/03/2014 00:01

"Recorders and violins sound awful". WTF?! How is that a reason to overrule your child's wishes to learn an instrument? How unbelievably selfish and ignorant. "NO! You can't learn to express yourself musically and see if you have any talent or even just enjoy it because I, a fully grown adult who no doubt had my fair share of making a lot of noise with an instrument, can't be arsed to listen to you practicing while learning". How does anyone ever get any good by that logic.

He's a twat and so is anyone else who thinks that's ok.

shakinstevenslovechild · 06/03/2014 00:11

My dc have wanted to learn many things, dd1 wanted to go to a kickboxing class that I didn't think was appropriate for her, so she goes to non contact boxing. Dd2 wanted to do zumba, she was too young so she does streetdance instead. Ds wanted a drum kit, I got him an electronic one with headphones and recording equipment instead.

It's not about stopping them doing something, it's about finding a compromise that suits everyone.

As the ops brother seems fine about the guitar there clearly is room for compromise there.

Why does that make him (or me for agreeing it's fine to say no to a child and let them do something more suitable instead) a twat? Confused

Caitlin17 · 06/03/2014 00:12

I can understand being passionate about violin but the recorder? And it really is a pointless instrument to be taught. Anyone who can read music can work it out very easily.

I'd prefer violin as a first instrument over guitar unless it's taught as a classical instrument. Often guitar is taught using guitar tabs rather than proper notation.

K8Middleton · 06/03/2014 00:16

Buy her a recorder yourself op. They aren't expensive.

caroldecker · 06/03/2014 00:22

No-one plays the recorder as an adult instrument - so obviously not useful for developing musical ability

Morloth · 06/03/2014 00:25

We said NO to the violin.

Awful sound while they are learning and so bloody expensive.

DS1 plays the flute, beautifully now it must be said but it was painful at the start.

Unless there is a chance she is a prodigy as a violinist I would say No as well.

Recorders are a waste of everyone's time.

My kids can use an instrument to express themselves, the instrument just can't be a violin. As the cheap ones sound shit and the expensive ones are well, expensive.

coalscuttle · 06/03/2014 00:27

God, he's an arse! I can't believe people are agreeing with him about unpleasant noises! Perhaps if he is always this overbearing you should consider whether your sil feels she can go against him?

BrianTheMole · 06/03/2014 00:28

Yep, he's unreasonable and a total ass.

Nocomet · 06/03/2014 00:33

Actually folk and early music groups do use recorders as serious instruments and they sound amazing.
first part of this is some good recorder playing

IceBeing · 06/03/2014 00:34

wow there is some ignorant shit on this thread...

both my sister and I learnt violin and never made horrible noises. My nephew is 3 and can manage to operate a violin without screeching already.

As for adults not playing recorders WTAF?? I know lots of adults that play recorder - mostly as part of baroque ensembles....I really thought that awesome recorder player winning the wind section of young musician of the year would have educated people on that point...

EverythingCounts · 06/03/2014 00:40

Blimey, what a ray of sunshine some of this is Hmm

One word answer to the problem: Headphones. Brother wears them while his DD is practising. Job done.

TulipOHare · 06/03/2014 00:41

Can't believe some people agree with this guy.

My DD is learning recorder. Yes it's a bloody racket, but I suggest that she practises in her room (so she can have privacy to concentrate, of course Grin ) and it's only 15 minutes here and there anyway.

I would never say no to something as beneficial as a musical instrument unless there were cost issues or other practical issues (ie she cannot have a piano as we have no room for one).

I think it's extremely selfish and petty to refuse this because he doesn't want to hear her practise Confused

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2014 00:45

FFS how did he cope with screaming babies, if he can't get through the first few months of his DD learning to play an instrument?

Has he always been such a Diva?

Caitlin17 · 06/03/2014 00:46

To be clear it's completely unreasonable not letting her learn an instrument. I'd steer her away from a recorder simply because I don't think is a particularly good choice as a first instrument. I'd go for piano or violin.

Morloth · 06/03/2014 00:46

If they are really properly learning to play an instrument it isn't 15 minutes here and there.

DS1 practices everyday for 30 minutes, in addition he has band rehearsals, lessons at school and then see a tutor once a week.

A pretty bit commitment from all of us to make that happen.

There are other instruments.