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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Gentlemans family" rage

80 replies

Snowfedup · 05/03/2014 19:34

2 friends have had a second dc of the opposite sex and the constant comments of them being so lucky and so bessed to have the perfect family give me the rage !

Wish I had a decent response (I am from a family of 2 girls and have 2 boys myself) they just don't seem to get how insulting it is !

OP posts:

Cranky01 · 05/03/2014 19:39

Yanbu, I find the 'it's so nice to have a dd, I'm so looking forward to doing girly things with her, oh yeah you don't have that do you.' Comment, As thy eye my two ds's

Cranky01 · 05/03/2014 19:40

*they

RhondaJean · 05/03/2014 19:40

I thought a gentlemans family was two boys followed by two girls?

PenguinsEatSpinach · 05/03/2014 19:41

After many years of research, I have come to the conclusion that people say stupid things about families. Ages, spacing, sex. Anything is fair game for idiotic comments. I find ignoring to be the best policy - and I speak as someone who has two of the same sex and expecting no. 3, so believe me I've had some ignoring to do recently!

PenguinsEatSpinach · 05/03/2014 19:43

I've always heard gentleman's family as meaning a boy and then a girl. You know, boy to carry on the name and then a girl to complete the set. Utter tosh.

RandomMess · 05/03/2014 19:43

I have 4 dds, whenver people commented about perceived disappointment I just said the truth "it's not like having 4 dc the same!"

I also said I was relieved that I never had to go through a Thomas the Tank Engine phase - which is also very true for me.

QueenofKelsingra · 05/03/2014 19:43

I have 'an heir and a spare' plus a DD - perfect surely? I still get 'oh you didn't need to have the third did you?' (DS2) You cant win whatever you have!

ikeaismylocal · 05/03/2014 19:44

I think maybe they just see it as the perfect family set up because it is their setup.

I can see lots of positives about having 2 same sex children, my personal preference would be for 2 sons (already ave 1 son) and if the baby in my tummy is a boy I will probably say things like it feels so perfect having 2 boys so close in age, they can be buddies as they grow up and they are more likely to be into the same sports/hobbies and they can share a room for longer than a boy/girl. That doesn't mean that I think 2 girl or boy/girl families are unlucky or that my family is better just that I would be happy with 2 boys :)

BringBackBod · 05/03/2014 19:44

I'd just ignore it. People talk crap.

softlysoftly · 05/03/2014 19:45

I'm pg with dd3 and can't stand the feeling everyone thought we were going for a boy

galwaygirl · 05/03/2014 19:46

I got those comments a lot when pregnant with DS and they gave me the rage too as I would have been equally delighted with another DD so your friends might be just as hacked off with it. It's a pretty stupid thing to say but I think most people say it for the sake of saying something.
I also got a lot of comments about how great it would be for DH to have another male in the house.

elfycat · 05/03/2014 19:48

I always gush about how I hoped to have 2 the same as there's an outside chance they'll go to the same clubs and I won't have to be quite such a taxi, while smiling smugly at them.

And it's true. I didn't care what sex DD1 was, but I hoped for a girl the second time not that I'd have minded if it had been otherwise and DD2 has so far joined the same 2 activities as her sister.

kerala · 05/03/2014 19:48

Relax you will get snarky ness whatever combination. With my 2 dds I get the odd "every man wants a son" nonsense ignore!

namechangesforthehardstuff · 05/03/2014 19:50

I hate it because it's just sexist wank. Girls love shopping and boys like cars and rough stuff. Well only because you bring them up so fucking unimaginitively you cock.

Lambzig · 05/03/2014 19:50

YANBU, I had a DS after a DD and got totally fed up with people telling me how pleased I must be to have a "pigeon pair/the set/one of each", and telling me now I don't have to try for a third. Also, how happy DH must be to have a boy now as if DD must have been a disappointment to him. Totally bizarre, I would have been happy to have two DD.

MerryWinterfel · 05/03/2014 19:52

I have the opposite problem, people say to me 'you have the perfect family as you have one of each' when I ws just happy they both made it into the world safely and couldn't give two hoots what their gender is! Why do people think like that?

ProfondoRosso · 05/03/2014 19:55

I have never, ever heard the expression 'gentleman's family' before now and I'm disgusted. Jesus, the miserable obsession with class/status/correctness in Britain. Fuck the fucking fuck off.

Not you, OP. YANBU. Some people are just cocks.

Calloh · 05/03/2014 20:02

I'd have thought a gentleman's family would be 2 and then 2 as isn't a 2:2 a gentleman's degree?

Either way I get so furious with people expressing their crazy shit on this kind of stuff - but ignore and be safe and smug in the knowledge that saying anything unasked for on sex/age gap/names makes them a mega twat whose opinions should be automatically discounted.

TheGonnagle · 05/03/2014 20:06

Try just having one!
Lonely only, spoilt, overindulged, socially inept and shit at sharing/caring. All comments I've had about what I'm foisting on dd as I am challenged in the fertility department. Sometimes people are thoughtless, sometimes they're just spiteful cunts. Smile and ignore, smile and ignore (or stick a fork in their hand, up to you )

AdoraBell · 05/03/2014 20:10

According to MIL being "surrounded by women", as in me and two daughters, is a problem for DH. Presumably the best thing I could do for him is to leave and refuse contact, but I stubbornly continue to ignore MIL

I suggest you do the same OP.

ProfondoRosso · 05/03/2014 20:14

My Dad used to say he couldn't stand living in a house with 3 women (me, DSis and DM), Adora, and that he was off to join the foreign legion

But he loves us really.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 05/03/2014 20:15

I get silly comments because I have 4 DCs, girl boy girl boy. If I'm in a good mood, I respond gamely with "I planned it well, didn't I?!". Problem is, I actually have five children but my eldest was SB, so they're talking such rubbish but don't realise it.

Mintyy · 05/03/2014 20:17

Never heard this phrase before! Is it a northern thing?

You have plenty of company in feeling the rage though op - tis one of the most frequently posted rants on Mumsnet.

MidniteScribbler · 05/03/2014 20:19

I think there will always be someone who talks crap to you, regardless of your family set up. I'm the last of my family, and I had DS as a single parent, and I kept getting "Oh how nice that you're having a boy to carry on the family name".

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 05/03/2014 20:22

I have two DSs and a DD. When DS2 was born I had comments, which I think were intended as comforting , such as "ah, the next one will be a girl" and "you can always try again, you are still young".

I could have understood the comments if I had been actively wanting a DD and telling people that, but, TBH I quite wanted a second DS . For one, everything baby related I owned was blue and clothing was all for a boy so it was considerably cheaper from that respect - and, also, I already had one lovely, cheeky, little boy - why wouldn't I want another?

When DD was born, we had the inevitable "how lovely, a little girl to complete your family" clearly implying that a baby boy would not have done the same. A friend of mine actually got quite upset when a mutual friend kept going on about how "having two boys is OK, but every mother needs a daughter. You are missing out if you can't have a daughter. Boys just aren't the same." etc. etc. Said friend (the one who got upset) has two DSs and is missing out on nothing - except possibly taking a DC to ballet lessons. Her boys are both football & hockey players .

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