AIBU to throw away letters addressed to 'Mrs [Husband's first name] [Husband's last name]'?

[SarahAnderson]

For the record, I am not a Mrs, I am a Dr. And I didn't take my husband's last name. Therefore all three parts of 'Mrs [Husband's first name] [Husband's last name]' are wrong.

It makes my blood boil when I receive letters addressed to me like this. Because it's not really me at all. It's like upon marriage, every part of 'me' was been extinguished and replaced with my husband instead: my profession, my first name, my family affiliation.

The WORST thing is that virtually all of the mail I get like this is intended to be well meaning -- the last two I got were a congratulations card and a birthday gift! So I can't bring myself to let the giver know how sad and annoyed it makes me.

(Actually I did, once, respond when someone gave me an incredibly generous gift addressed to 'Mrs [Husband's first name] [Husband's last name]'. I was genuinely baffled as to why he did it, as he's a very liberal guy and it seemed out of character. He replied that it was a joke and he only did it because he knows how much it would annoy me. I'm not sure if that's really true - he doesn't know me THAT well - but in any case my reaction was, um, why did you want to give me this lovely gift and also REALLY PISS ME OFF at the same time?)

I got another card addressed this way last night and, I must confess, I threw it away. It just makes me annoyed to have it in the house.

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

Very well put Chunderella.

In fairness to the 'it's just your father's name' argument, my reading of that was that it's not that it's not your name also, but more you're already part of a patriarchal naming system so what difference is it swapping a name you inherited from a man to taking one belonging to a different man? However there's a massive difference between defaulting into such a naming system and voluntarily opting into it. Obviously.

I'm not disagreeing with your points at all btw, agree a lot of it is that men own the names.

[Yama]

YANBU

However, if people do address a card incorrectly I do try and let them know of their mistake.

[Yama]

And like Catsrus, my daughter has my name. Times are changing (painfully slowly).

[motherinferior]

Honestly, these stroppy entitled wimmin. They'll be asking for votes and equal pay next...

And a happy International Women's Day from me too

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

My friend didn't take her husband's name AND had the temerity to give their daughter her name also. She says she gets a lot of handbag clutching because of it.

[flipchart]

A few months ago at work, the same name as an old friend came up on a global email. ( say it was Anne Smith but it was more distict than that)
A week later I said to my close friend, does Ann S work in Hr for Lancashire County Council now. My friend said no, why. I said, well I know Anne works in HR and a global email came through with her name. I thought she might be working for us now.
My mate replied,well that's not her name, she got married. When I suggested that she might have kept her name and not changed my mate looked at me like I had two heads! ' don't be daft, we don't do things like that up here!' was the reply!

I live in Lancahire!

[chocolatemademefat]

Do you allow family and close friends to address you by name or do you insist on Dr? Remove your head from your dark place and grow up.

[itsbetterthanabox]

Yanbu op. It's offensive because it's as though you simply because you have a vagina don't actually exist. I got annoyed receiving a wedding invite where the brides mother and father are down as this.
It makes me so sad every time I see a woman get married on Fb and see their name change. It's so sad how society is regressing.

[Caitlin17]

chocolatemademefat how rude of you. If we knew each other in real life would you be pleased if I called you any random name I felt like using?

[bragmatic]

Do your family and friends address you the way you wish to be addressed chocolatemademefat?

Right then.

[RuddyDuck]

My MIL does this and it drives me mad. Every letter/card is addressed to " Dr and Mrs (dh first name) (dh surname). I don't share dh's surname, my first name never makes an appearance and she is the only person I know who puts dh down as "DR" . Yes he did get a PhD 20 odd years ago, but I got a MA and she never puts that on the envelope

She never sends me birthday cards so I don't know if she would address them to "Mrs dh first name, dh surname" but I wouldn't put it past her.