Been done to death, but AIBU to ask about invites for DD's party

[WeLikeToParty]

I am planning DD's (will be 10) party but due to money and the planned activity, numbers are limited. Having just the girls in her class would be perfect as there are only 7 in her class (including her). The problem is (yes you've guessed it) there is one girl who causes arguments within an otherwise placid group of girls. I have seen it first hand and have heard about it in other situations.

I know full well that I cannot exclude just this one girl, especially as DD has no issues with her per se but, knowing the arguments that can occur, would rather not have her at the party. She said that she would rather invite two other girls who are not in her class, and not invite this one girl and another one girl in her class. She does get on with everyone, but I asked her if she could invite any 6 girls, not worrying about who is in her class she named for girls in her class and then the other two girls.

Given the small amount of numbers involved all round would you all think this was acceptable in the world of party/classroom/mum politics? Or should I suck it up and just invite the girls in her class?

On one hand I think DD should invite who she likes, especially at this age but on the other hand it feels wrong.

By 10 I chicken out and let the DDs do guest lists (and yes that means a couple of DD2's class don't necessarily get invites)

I would let her invite who she likes

I say invite who dd wants. If this girl continues to be invited how will she learn that her behaviour wont be tolerated? It'll take a while for the penny to drop....I don't invite drama.

If asked (oh the balls on that mother!) smile and say dd made the list and as its her bday it up to her.

Let her invite whoever she pleases, this party etiquette crap for primary school children has gotten completely out of hand. Yes, I've felt a bit miffed on my own DC's behalves over the years, but, guess what? we all got over it and lived to tell the tale. It's character building!

I like to insist we include others who invited dd - we have never seen a whole class party - but otherwise butt out. Dd is 10 next week and we have invited the 10 she chose.

9 even - 10 including her.

So glad that's what you have said as thought as much but despite being in the game longer than I care to remember, I still don't get the politics of it all.

I'm sure the mother would mention it either in a passive aggressive way or to everyone else but I don't care, just not good at direct confrontation.

Funnily enough I said the same to DD about this girl's behaviour and that she won't learn if she keeps getting invited everywhere.

I would say as long as doesn't leave only one girl out from own class (that looks a bit mean), then invite who she wants. That's fair. It doesn't appear to matter who's invited you to a party (from what I've seen happen here), so just do what you want.

So your DD has no problem with this girl
They are a group of 8 10 yr olds who never argue, unless this girl is there.Yeah right The only ones in the world!
She can't be arguing with herself! I detect a with hunt!
Leaving one child out smacks of bullying and parent-sponsored bullying at that.

Let your daughter do the inviting.

Ok you think what you want Pixie. Thank you everyone else for their helpful opinions

hm, dd had a similer situation but I told her she could NOT leave 1 girl out

Have actually said that it wouldn't be just the one girl not invited

Not leaving out one girl though - leaving out two in her class & inviting two others - sounds reasonable to me.

I did once leave out one child only from the invitations but as his mother had been trying to shag my husband and was supposed to be a friend of mine I thought it reasonable. Felt sorry for the boy though.