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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

little boy with autism

114 replies

x2boys · 04/03/2014 18:32

my three your old was diagnosed with autism and some learning difficulties at xmas at the moment life is awful both myself and my husband work opposite shifts to work around childcare I,m a nurse in a very stressful job work have not been at all supportive of my circumstances would I be being unreasonable to give up work for a bit to care for my son he is quite demanding with a terrible sleep pattern . we would have to claim some benefits we are currently awaiting a decision on dla . I would have to claim child tax credits housing benefit carers allowance but we would have a quality of life and there are all sorts of support groups and discounted days out that we can never go to and we could actually be a family I,m a trained nurse I wouldn't want to give up work for ever maybe a couple of years until my son is more settled what are peoples thoughts?

OP posts:
RabbitPies · 04/03/2014 19:13

YADNBU. It sounds like it's what you and your son need.

YouTheCat · 04/03/2014 19:14

Woo, have you much experience of bringing up a child with autism? Hmm

Leave the work for the moment. You can always get back into it if possible once your ds is settled in school, although holiday care for children with additional needs is next to none existent in my experience.

Try and build a nice, predictable routine into your ds's day and see about carer's allowance.

Ledare · 04/03/2014 19:15

There wouldn't be consequences for giving up the job if the child is granted DLA at middle or higher rate. OP would be entitled to Carer's allowance.

Original poster
x2boys · 04/03/2014 19:16

well quite a bit but when I got a breakdown of what we would be entitled too we would nt really be that much worse off we would have to downsize but we are renting so that would be fine.

OP posts:
WeAreEternal · 04/03/2014 19:17

YADNBU.

In your position I would certainly be considering the same. as a nurse I would suggest you do the odd bank shift though, just enough to ensure that you can remain registered for the sake of being able to go back easily when you feel it is right for you.

Good luck.

AgaPanthers · 04/03/2014 19:18

x2boys you are being a bit vague. How much is quite a bit? You should be able to come up with exact figures.

YouTheCat · 04/03/2014 19:18

Why should the OP have to give you a breakdown of her finances?

Jess03 · 04/03/2014 19:19

Agree to wait for the dla, then do it. You need time to find your routines with your ds, and learn about his dx. I'd do the same thing in your position. Good luck op.

WooWooOwl · 04/03/2014 19:19

Woo, have you much experience of bringing up a child with autism?

Yes, I do actually. Not that my ds's condition is relevant though, because the challenges of autism are wide and varied and my experience could be completely different to that of the OP.

I just have a different opinion to you, and I don't think people with a choice should choose benefits. It is possible that there could be a compromise in the form of part time work.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/03/2014 19:19

YANBU not at all.

Woowoo is this where you jump in and say that yes you have/know a child with ASD and you were able to work 17 full time jobs?

LetZygonsbeZygons · 04/03/2014 19:19

Hi OP you've got some good support here, just wondered if you knew about this site on mumsnet too?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs

Anniecarrieson · 04/03/2014 19:20

Consider applying to your trust for a career break - they will keep your job for you to come back to for up to 5 years, I believe.

Good luck, not an easy decision.

My own personal perspective is that working part time helps me have a break from my home situation (also have dc with autism). TBH it has helped me stay sane. Recently though it has been very stressful (at work) and I can see how it would be necessary to stop work when it only creates additional difficulty and stress.

Ledare · 04/03/2014 19:20

To get an autism dx aged three, OP's DS is currently severely disabled Woo Woo Hmm

YouTheCat · 04/03/2014 19:21

Yes, Woo and what works for your family might not work for the OP.

I don't think you're being particularly helpful.

thornrose · 04/03/2014 19:22

The amount of times I arrived at work having cried all the way in after an awful morning with dd. The relentless worry and stress about being late. Life would definitely have been easier if I didn't work (particularly as I worked with children!)

I am a single parent so I had to work but if you can take some time off then do it.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2014 19:22

Blimey. What does the OP's and her husband's earnings got to do with anyone on here? Mind your own!

Tbh, I think giving up work entirely is only the right thing in rare circumstances

Why?

AgaPanthers · 04/03/2014 19:22

"Why should the OP have to give you a breakdown of her finances?"

She doesn't, but it would be helpful to her so people can offer advice firstly re benefits, and secondly in order to answer the question of whether OP is BU it makes a difference if she is going to be £100 worse off per month, or £1000.

WooWooOwl · 04/03/2014 19:23

The OP asked for people's thoughts, so I gave mine.

As far as I'm aware, that's still allowed.

AgaPanthers · 04/03/2014 19:25

"Blimey. What does the OP's and her husband's earnings got to do with anyone on here? Mind your own!"

It's not about minding your own, it's about making sure that OP gets what she is entitled to for her family.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 19:25

If you can do it then go for it. Hope it works out for you, things sound really tough at the minute Thanks

Original poster
x2boys · 04/03/2014 19:25

I don't want to give up work forever just until my son is more settled I have worked my whole life but my job is extremely stressful and my homelife is extremely stressful .

OP posts:
Timetoask · 04/03/2014 19:26

OP, I completely understand the strain of terrible sleep patterns (my ds has special needs). It is impossible to function properly without a rested brain.
Having said that, it would be a shame to stop working completely, it might be very difficult to get back to your career. Would it be possible for you to find a more junior role/part time? If not, then I completely understand why you want to do this.

HadABadDay2014 · 04/03/2014 19:26

I think it's a bad idea to suddenly stop working, if you do, then do it slowly.

If you can get on a course called early birds plus.

Onesieone · 04/03/2014 19:26

Firstly op, my son is 3 and severely autistic. I am also a nurse in a stressful setting. I have taken a career break! 5 years so I can care for him untill he goes to school.
I totally sympathise Nursing management is notoriously unsympathetic to their staff. My work were horrible when I realised there was something wrong with my son and I had apts to take him too. So I'd say yes u need to give up work.

Woo woo. Please understand with all the apts and treatment op will have to do at home it would not work along side a nursing career where the management are less than accommodating.

AgaPanthers · 04/03/2014 19:27

HadABadDay2014, it's Early Bird, not Early Bird Plus at this age.

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