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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel quite guilty typing this, but I feel something needs to be said but I just do not know how

110 replies

willowash · 03/03/2014 15:28

My best friend is committing benefit fraud, she has a partner also lives with him but claims to be living with her mother as best friend is on the top of the waiting list for a house. They have 4 kids and 1 on the way, neither of them work and oldest dd has just been diagnosed with adhd. I am with my friend almost everyday we are very close so am close to her children. Her kids are lovely, really polite but obviously push boundaries as most kids do, oldest dd does have some concentration issues but is also dumped in front of the ps3 for hours at a time, I feel like my friend does nothing to help her. They are always stuck in the house despite living opposite a park, etc I have offered to help make things like a routine chart to help her dd but she is not interested. My friend is currently filling out a form for dla for her oldest, and another for herself. I'm not here to bash benefit claimants at all, I'm fully aware there are a lot of people who need them but how do I talk to my friend and make her aware of how her parenting is not helping her children. My friends other kids run riot all day long when not at school, my friend is lovely but I do believe she is wrong on so many things but I have no idea how to phase it all, she has been saying how much money she should get and will buy this an that but it's nothing for her dc. I know I probably should keep out of it all but I don't want my friend to get in trouble re benefit fraud, I can't believe the decisions she is making. I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mum as my dc are still very young and I'm not the perfect parent but I know if one of my dc had issues I would try to help as much as possible. Sorry this is so long hopefully someone has advice for me, even if it is to keep my nose out?? it's so hard when it's someone you are close too

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 03/03/2014 17:09

Claiming as a single parent is fraud if you are living with someone. My ex tried claiming I was still living with him about a week after going to a solicitor to get a divorce. I was called in for an interview. But as I lived with my mum over two and a half hours away. Had been applying for crisis loans, housing, been to the local doctor 6 times in two weeks and all my money was used either at the local shops to my mums address or at the closeset large supermarkets they pretty much told me there was nothing to answer to.

I was honestly living with my mum. He was skint and thought if he told them that he would get the money back into the joint account and be able to leave me without

My money was never stopped though.

YouTheCat · 03/03/2014 17:11

Your money wasn't stopped because it was your ex who was being investigated.

balenciaga · 03/03/2014 17:16

am I missing something in the op?

how is op's friend committing benefit fraud?

apologies if this has already been answered

however its a bit dodgy if she is claiming she lives somewhere that she doesn't in order to be housed.

Ledare · 03/03/2014 17:20

That's why I asked about the BF's house. OP?

There may be some intent to commit fraud r.e housing but this hasn't been confirmed.

KittensoftPuppydog · 03/03/2014 17:25

Willow, how old are you?
Trying to help, are you? What rubbish. Who made you judge and jury? Ronald McDonald?

Original poster
willowash · 03/03/2014 17:35

He told me he would give up his house and they would all move into the new house, basically she claims benefits as a single and so does he. So they all live in his house but she is supposed to be living with her mum so they claim to be single and living apart but they live together and claim single benefit claims for the supposed extra money. My friend claims dla and mobility and obviously tax credits an child benefit her partner claims esa for amental health but told me he doesn't need it but claimed instead of jsa because he didn't want to find a job. To me this is fraud and they openly admit it is. I spoke to my friend just now as she called asking to borrow money, so I suggested going to the cab to find out what would happen if they were joint and she has said she will, that's all I can do I suppose. Sorry if I have come across as a bad friend but I'm more worried about her kids if they are caught, I will always care I can't help that

OP posts:
willowash · 03/03/2014 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bornin1984 · 03/03/2014 17:39

My sisters x tried
To say that their dd1 was living with him after they seperates, she has to prove that ds1 lived with her and her benefits were suspended while this was investigated!

KittensoftPuppydog · 03/03/2014 17:40

You do sound like a lovely person. I wish you were my friend. Could we meet up for coffee and you can tell me where I'm going wrong with my life?

dontcry · 03/03/2014 17:42

why do people who are committing benefit fraud blab about it? every case I read about in the paper is where they have been shopped.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/03/2014 17:42

She gets DLa.and ESA? So theyd have to claim they are caring for each other?

Which you can't do.

Especially not if they are claiming separately.

And they get higher rate mobility for a bad back?

This story is more full of holes than 30 year old knickers.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/03/2014 17:43

She gets DLa.and ESA? So theyd have to claim they are caring for each other?

Which you can't do.

Especially not if they are claiming separately.

And they get higher rate mobility for a bad back?

This story is more full of holes than 30 year old knickers.

Original poster
willowash · 03/03/2014 17:43

U sound lovely too kitten but I'm afraid u might take up too much of my time being so judgemental n childish an all so I would prefer to spend the time with my own dc , have a great evening though

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/03/2014 17:43

I meant that. Twice

Original poster
willowash · 03/03/2014 17:46

I'm only writing what I've been told by them, she gets dla and mobility he gets ESA but they cannot claim joint as she is not meant to be living there and supposedly lives with her mum. It is confusing but I'm worried they will b caught and the kids will suffer that is all

OP posts:
PlentyOfPubeGardens · 03/03/2014 17:46

Why would they have to claim they were caring for each other? You don't have to have a carer to get ESA or DLA.

KittensoftPuppydog · 03/03/2014 17:47

Yes, I can see how you might be busy... Lots of people's lives to stick your nose in.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 03/03/2014 17:48

More generally I agree about the knicker holes though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/03/2014 17:50

True. She certainly cant claim it for herself and for her DD though. The rules dont allow that.

Original poster
willowash · 03/03/2014 17:51

Tell me what I've made unclear and il try to make it clearer, if I am wrong about the benefit fraud then I will hold my hand up and admit I'm wrong, but to be honest it is a wierd situation and seems weirder wrote down

OP posts:
hackmum · 03/03/2014 17:53

OP, you sound like a nice friend. And I understand the dilemma you're in.

First of all, I think there's no point in giving advice about how to bring up her children, because people don't like advice, and rarely listen to it. However much it pains you to see what she's doing, she sounds as if she has no desire to change.

The benefits thing is more difficult. Really, you ought to report her, but I can see why you don't. It would be the end of the friendship and it probably wouldn't' do her any good to have less money than she has at the moment. It's not as if she's hugely wealthy.

You could, I suppose, point out the risks to her. One of my relatives fraudulently claimed benefit for years in the same sorts of circumstances (pretended she was a single mother while actually living with her partner). Someone eventually shopped her and she had to pay it all back - thousands and thousands of pounds. The problem is that people like that (including my perfectly nice and lovely relative) take the view that they haven't got much money or opportunity and they deserve it. They don't see it as wrong.

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/03/2014 17:57

DLA- no fraud there as it is not means tested.
No HB fraud as she lives with mum, if they claimed together he would pay less HB top up due to occupancy.
The only fraud here is them not claiming as a couple which they should do before compliance catch up and she has to pay it back.

Original poster
willowash · 03/03/2014 17:59

Thanks hackmum I think your right,

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 03/03/2014 18:02

If you still aren't going to shop her I would advise her as a friend to not tell everyone as agree with what someone said up thread, 95% of stories you see in the press are people who have been shopped. It sounds as though she'd be not much worse off being honest anyway but if she keeps blabbing she'll get found out eventually.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 03/03/2014 18:19

Really Fanjo? You can't claim DLA for yourself and a child? Child wouldn't get ESA of course because it's for people who cannot work because of disability but I thought DLA could be claimed for both.

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