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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to stop breastfeeding at 6 months?

107 replies

youaremychocolatecake · 01/03/2014 10:52

My baby is 17wo and EBF, I love breastfeeding, I am very pro breastfeeding, we have an easy feeding relationship, he is a quick efficient feeder, good sleeper, no issues at all.

But I want to stop when he is 6 months. Don't judge me but I've never really fancied feeding an older baby for some reason and the thought of BF into toddlerhood just weirds me out. I don't have a problem with anyone else doing it but it's not for me.

However, as the 6 month mark rapidly approaches I'm feeling really guilty because he loves breastfeeding. My first baby was mix fed but he wasn't in love with the booby like this one is. It was a means to and end for him and he self weaned at around 6 months. This boob monster however loves laying with it in his mouth, stroking it, pinching it (ouch) it's his comfort so I feel really bad about taking it away. Also he really hates a bottle (of EBM) so I don't even know how to go about weaning him!

I'm a member of all these pro breastfeeding groups on Facebook and they're all there feeding babies until they self wean and I just feel really guilty wanting to stop? But after 40 weeks of pregnancy, 6 months BF feels enough for me. I want to wear a normal bra or be able to go out for an evening. Am I being really really mean?

OP posts:

slightlyglitterstained · 01/03/2014 17:36

" loving booby and boob monster are also childish language. IMO."

Y'know, Feminine, putting an IMO doesn't give you an out there if you won't allow that for the OP.

Yes, I read the whole thread. No, in context I did not find references to school gate or "weirded out" offensive.

I am "weirded out" by the thought of doing very many things that I do not consider weird or odd or in the least bit undesirable for other people to do, because like many people my ideas of what is socially acceptable are not limited to what I myself want to do. I can understand perfectly, that especially when it comes to something you do with your own body, that it's possible to be Just Fine with other people doing stuff you don't actually wish to do yourself.

Now, you can argue that intent isn't the be-all and end-all when it comes to offensive language, because sometimes good intent just isn't good enough excuse for being pig-ignorant about how rude you're inadvertently being and how many offensive assumptions are embedded in your language.

This is not one of those cases. You're just being obnoxious.

clockwatching77 · 01/03/2014 17:51

Sorry not read whole thread but have you tried a doidy cup op. O and yanbu. I have a toddler very reliant on breastfeeding and I am not brave enough to stop yet.
Would be good to hear how it goes if you decide to stop.

clockwatching77 · 01/03/2014 17:52

O and I stooped breastfeeding last child at 8 months .

catkind · 01/03/2014 17:53

Look, one step at a time. You want to get him taking a bottle and go out for the evening. So do that. Then see how you feel about the rest of it.

No, giving up at 6 months isn't the best thing for your baby. On the other hand the fact that you've fed to 6 months is a great thing for your baby, and stopping doesn't take that away.

I'm still feeding my 2 yr old, but never made bones about going out for the evening if I wanted to, since about 3 months old as far as I can recall. In fact I'd positively recommend a few evenings out if you want to get him taking a bottle. Much easier for dad/other carer to do when baby can't see you and milk just sitting there.

Similarly - though it sounds like you won't be going on that long - it's no problem at all to feed round work at 1. They bf-ed when I was with them, ate other things and in DD's case drank cows' milk when I wasn't. DS didn't want to drink other milk at 1, but was equally fine with food and water.

I wouldn't put up with the pinching stuff too, however much longer you're planning to feed for.

bobot · 01/03/2014 18:07

At six months he won't need a bottle - try a cup. But honestly, it's just about to get easy. I fed my children for a year. But once they started solid food, the need for milk became less - I night weaned them around 9 months, then eventually cut down to just a feed at bedtime before stopping altogether, which wasn't a big deal. One child I fed for slightly longer as she seemed to need it more than the others and was slower to take to solids, but I had no problems weaning any of them when they were one.

They will self wean eventually, but worldwide the average age of weaning is 4. Personal choice, but I don't want to breastfeed a 4 year old. I don't find the idea weird, just know that other people will and worry about the mixed messages they might get - but a baby under 1 is still a baby, to me. And by 11 or 12 months mine only fed at bedtime anyway, so although it wasn't a secret, nobody saw them feed any more. Also, I wore a normal bra from about 7 or 8 months and I could have a night out by then too. By the time they were 1 I could have a night away and they didn't miss their bedtime feed. i just fed them as normal the next night when I got home. Weaning them gradually also meant I never had any problems with engorgement or mastitis when I weaned. It worked for me and my babies.

weebairn · 01/03/2014 18:17

It is absolutely your choice, and well done for feeding to 6 months.

Just to give you my perspective:

I feed my 17 month old. I wear normal bras, normal clothes. She has one feed a day (or none, if I'm working long shifts). I drink whatever I want (well I don't any more because I'm pregnant, but I was drinking whatever I wanted, it is a complete myth that you can't drink and breastfeed) and I can go out any evening I like, her dad puts her to bed no hassle if I'm not there.

In my experience it wasn't exactly 6 months that it became very easy - more like about 9. But it did. I remember someone on here saying "breastfeeding a toddler is my reward for breastfeeding a baby" - I absolutely agree with that. 0-6 months is no fun at all, I did it because I wanted to do the best thing for my baby but I can't say I enjoyed any of it. I constantly planned to stop because I didn't like it. But 9 months plus has been wonderful.

Waltonswatcher1 · 01/03/2014 19:55

I am bf my two year old now, I love it .
I can rattle on for pages about why its right for me . You are not me though!
I would say though that it is far easier to wean a 6 month old than an older bf baby . I think that's why lots of extended bf mums keep going ! It's hard to say no when they can scream 'milk' and fish for a nipple themselves!
Hope your transition is an easy one , focus on how you gave the best start possible and not on the guilt of stopping.

Sammie101 · 01/03/2014 20:17

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. I always planned to breastfeed to six months and definitely didn't expect I would enjoy it so much. DD is now 7 months and has only had 1 breastfeed today. I was so torn before I stopped because I knew I would miss the bond we had. However nothing has really changed, we still get the cuddles together. It's the guilt that really does it to you, like you feel that people will judge you for giving up (when in reality I don't think anybody really cares)

Keep persevering with the bottle, he will get used to it.

PS- it's so lovely to be able to wear normal bras that put my boobs back where they should be again

Inertia · 01/03/2014 20:20

It's entirely your choice when to stop , but you don't have to make the decision now. By 6 months you are through the toughest times, it's often easier to carry on than to move to the FF faff.

My DC refused bottles but would drink from cups so that might be worth a try.

SomewhatSilly · 01/03/2014 20:23

FFS of course it's not unreasonable to stop whenever, but can we just FUCKING STOP all the judgemental SHIT about mothers who choose to feed for longer please.

bedhaven · 01/03/2014 20:42

Totally your body, your choice but can you be doing with all that sterilising and preparation? Aside of the baby benefits, the easy availability of breastmilk made me carry on for a year. Both kids easily switched to cows milk in cups after that.

winterlace · 01/03/2014 20:42

I did. I feel breast feeding is important but I didn't like it so I did it for the minimum amount of time then switched to formula.

winterlace · 01/03/2014 20:42

Minimum amount of time being 6 months!

MoominsYonisAreScary · 01/03/2014 20:51

Mine took a bottle until 8 weeks then stopped, hes just turned 1 and will not take milk out of any bottle or cup and hardly any water. I was planning on stopping at 6 months too .

perfectstorm · 01/03/2014 21:09

Good post slightlyglitterstained.

Bootoyou2 · 01/03/2014 21:29

As others have suggested you could try a doidy cup? When I stopped we just had lots of cuddles and she puts her hand on me so gets the skin to skin comfort without the feeding.

The only thing I would say is I never thought I wanted to feed a toddler but when you see them every day you don't notice them growing. Each day you are only feeding a baby that is one day older than the day before. If it wasn't weird on Monday, it isn't on Tuesday....if that makes any sense.

I Also found that breast feeding an older child can be on and off so if I wasn't there one evening it wasn't a disaster,

Oh and I went back into normal bras at some point- it wasn't a problem , I just made sure they were properly fitted and the underwire wasn't on breast tissue.

Good luck with whatever you decided- you have done the most important bit.

needtobediscreet · 01/03/2014 23:35

interesting thread. just reading through before I post a full reply.

stopgap - your experience sounds good and is evidence that early bottle use can work and doesn't jeopardise long term BFing. unfortunately every breastfeeding counsellor I saw when struggling with breastfeeding claimed that nipple confusion would result from just a single bottle feed. not exactly helpful advice!

Bumbershoot · 01/03/2014 23:42

YANBU

ShatzePage · 01/03/2014 23:45

Yanbu-of course you should stop if you wish too-you dont actually get a martyr medal for bf.

Hogwash · 02/03/2014 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMook · 02/03/2014 00:09

I stopped feeding DS1 at 13m. We'd weaned down to one feed a day and it felt like the natural time to stop. DS2 is still EBF at 10m. I've recently started workubg. He's a bottle refuser but can last the working day without as he'll take food and water from a cup. I'm able to go out and leave him, and he's still very much my baby as was DS1 who was a crawler until 16m.

It's completely up to you how long you want to feed for, but with the circumstances you mention, it seems there's a good potential to continue enjoying the BFing experience for a while yet,

TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/03/2014 06:33

YANBU to want to stop.
But you seem ambivalent.
Either way I would work on getting him to take a bottle if you want one freedom. Of your milk or of formula. Because that's the key to getting a night out (plus a babysitter )
Fwiw I am bf my 1 yo and haven't worn a feeding bra since she was about 7 mo.

JapaneseMargaret · 02/03/2014 07:11

I fail to see what's weird about a 7 or 8-month-old breast-feeding, but whatever.

Get your baby to take a bottle, and then gradually drop feeds.

Bob's you're uncle - baby weaned.

crashbangboom · 02/03/2014 07:39

At first I didn't think I would get to 12wks breastfeeding, then 6mths,12mths and 18mths came and went.

Battling all the way through from others comments. The thought of feeding a toddler felt weird when pregnant and the media storm around the time cover happened during my feeding so of course others debated it with me.

However now I've fed a toddler views are different. I never expected to feed up to 22mths.

Now im mourning the lost of it still 6mths later!
It was a relationship I can't describe.

Feed for as long as it works for you and your child. Try not to look at ages and compare them to others,including your other child.

katese11 · 02/03/2014 07:47

I never thought I'd feed a toddler but my dc2 is 22 months on Tuesday and still having an evening feed. It's not weird to feed an older baby cause they're just your baby...You don't just wake up one day with a bfing 2 yo! But it's your choice entirely...Just be prepared to surprise yourself (you may get to 6 months and realise you don't actually want to stop!)

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