To ask how you became less boring in conversation after having a baby?

[SaturdayFlit]

Having had two babies in a short space of time, I'm back at work with a bunch of people who have no children. I know myself I'm dreadfully dull and have nothing to say. Added to this, they are super sporty and I'm super frumpy at the moment - overweight, out of shape and awful clothes. How do I begin to regain my social skills and confidence?

I'm sorry you feel so down, perhaps going back to work will be just what you need for a little 'you' time away from the kids. Have you any hobbies you would like to take up? I ask because I started a dance class one evening a week and it is my escape from all things baby and has given me a lot more confidence in myself. Also remember, having children has not made you frumpy and boring- it is a major achievement and it means you are awesome!

Tbh it was going back to work that saved me! It took a few weeks though, I remember thinking 'shut the fuck up SpottyHag, you're sending yourself to sleep' while I droned ooooon and oooooon about nothing

Watch/ read as much of the news as you can, it's a safe topic and you'll feel good if you're well informed when people are discussing current events.

If you can afford it buy some fabulous shoes/ boots which make you feel amazing no matter what you're wearing.

And most importantly- you're your harshest critic. Other people probably haven't noticed that you feel boring and frumpy. I've never thought it about anyone after they're had a baby

I think you should stop thinking this way right now! :) Why do you think becoming a mother has made you boring? Stop judging yourself so harshly against these people, be open and get to know them and you will find some common ground. I don't have any young DCs, but it doesn't mean I'm not interested in work colleagues DCs.

Just talk about the telly. Most people like telly.

Or other people at work - that's a sure fire way to entertain.

Radio 4

Just ask questions, generally people love talking about theme selves. And actually to them,.,you are prob a bit of a novelty,,..the one with cute kids!

Tbh most people talk about the most banal things at work anyway: East Enders, what they had for tea, where they went on holiday, blah, blah, blah. Humour is always welcome so funny anecdotes from the past go down well.

I very very rarely talk about my kids at work or to people that don't have kids - it's sooooo boring for other people!

Doesn't conversation just flow in terms of banter, funny stories, newspaper stories or issues being chatted about in your work environment? In my office I wouldn't have to think of a topic or something to say, it just happens? Can you just make yourself join in? Younger sporty people don't care if you're carrying a bit more weight or looking unfashionable when it comes to office chit chat!

When in doubt I always just ask someone about themselves - if it's someone I don't know that well or I don't have easy conversations with I just say something vacuous like 'so how was your weekend?' or 'what you been up to?' or 'I like your top' or 'That looks like a healthy lunch' or 'Booked a holiday yet?'. And that turns into a conversation.

YOU ARE NOT DULL! You are just lacking in confidence and feeling out of the loop. Take a few risks, pretend to be confident, join in conversations.

I do think some women think they are extensions of their children or are just 'a mother' rather than 'a person' after having a baby. Some women/mothers ALWAYS assume you are asking them about their kids/pregnancy when you ask them ANYTHING! It's extraordinary. There is one woman who I really like but unfortunately I avoid her like the plague now. If I go by my suggested conversation openers above I'd get:

'How was your weekend?' 'Soo tiring, Bob didn't sleep, Betty was ill' (this can take 10 minutes of explanation and detail)

'I like your top' 'Oh God, it's the only thing that fits since I had Bob and Betty....' (10 minutes more)

'What have you been up to?' 'Well Bob needed a new coat so I went to M&S with my mum, but Betty was at a friends so....' (10 mins)

'Your lunch looks healthy' 'Yes I've got to lose the baby weight - Bob and Betty are six and seven now and I still have half a stone to lose. When do you get the opportunity to exercise with kids though, we are always so busy. Betty's got this, Bob's got that...' (10)

'Have you booked your holiday?' 'Well as Bob's got his music camp and we can't afford to go away in school holidays, we've decided to do..' (BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH).

I'M JUST MAKING POLITE CONVERSATION AND WANT TO HAVE A BIT OF A LAUGH/CHAT I AM NOT ALWAYS ASKING AFTER YOUR CHILDREN. AND I HAVE CHILDREN MYSELF I KNOW WHAT LIFE WITH CHILDREN IS LIKE.

Brilliant! Thank you :-)

eetheygrowupsofast - so true! I made an effort when I went back to work after DC1 not to be 'the mum bore' - there's a lot of them in our office! Some people do want to talk about them, but I try to make sure not everything is about the DCs - must remember when I go back after DC2 soon that not everything is baby related.

OP - try to ask lots of questions if you feel you don't have anything to add, people often don't notice that you haven't contributed to a conversation if you've said lots of questions and encouraged them to talk about what they are doing, they've remembered you talked - on the other hand, if you always talk about your DCs, then they'll remember you talked about your DCs IYSWIM.

(Or talk about TV )

It just takes time. About 18 years should do it.

Definitely ask and show interest in others. Nevermind if you feel you don't have much to contribute right now, people love it when others show real interest in them.

Everyone's favourite topic is themselves, that's what I always say. If in doubt, ask someone a question to get them wittering on and then you aren't the one being boring. Works for me anyway, plus I'm more of a listener than a talker and a nosey parker to boot so works perfectly.

Oh eee, how very true.
OP, be aware of what you are actually talking about, and for how long.
Don't relate everything back to your favourite topic.
Be aware of your audience and notice when their attention is flagging. Some people are very good at disguising it.
remember to ask them about things you know they are interested in and really listen to their responses.
These rules work for anyone with an obsession, from being a new parent to sports to...well...choose your fandom!
You have taken the major first step though, you have an understanding that others may not want to listen to you speak about one topic for the next year in incredible and minute detail.

I'm allowing myself to wallow in being a mum. I will freely admit that my life revolves around this and that's about all I have to talk about. Sorry if that bores some people but to be truthful talk about other members of staff and what happened in the pub bores me!

Maybe that's why my only friends are other parents!

eternal I'm so with you. I love my babies so much and they and my house are my life. I dont want to talk about anything else much. other people seem to expect it though so sometimes I just avoid conversation altogether!

I can actually talk about work and the like if need be. I just prefer not to!

your best to start the conversation, as i find people tend to start baby related convos with me like hows he doing hows he sleeping hows the feeding going

i like chatting about things in the news things on tv holidays what you did at the weekend fashion and style allsorts really not just baby stuff

but when you have a baby its often others that cans see past that and start all the baby conversations off with you
so you need to take the lead

good luck op