To expect a bit more???

[BannanaRamma]

My DP has always had back problems. It seems to be getting worse as the years go on. And I know how much pain DP is in, the amount of medication DP is on is a lot too....
It's just I feel like I'm on my own some times. I cook, clean, look after children, shop, washing, entertain DP random family members who come knocking day after day.
I dont drive, my DP does. So I can't go out (live in small village, no buses) to go shopping etc. The children come home & know DP in bed so be quiet, friends ring & always ask where DP is and before I answer they do for me! Saying 'Oh in bed again?'
We miss family days out, doing anything as a family.
I understand the pain is bad, I do.
But at certain times DP will get up, help family members out, help friends out, go for long walks etc. Just seems to be when DP 'feels' like it. DP isn't depressed (we went doctors to make sure)
Yesterday DP got up at 9am and went out because I had an app and I needed lift. But went back to bed in afternoon and got up a few hours later, then went sleep at 10.30pm. It's not 14.40 and DP hasn't stirred at all.
I say to get up, to take meds & be as active as you can be. Regulate meds etc. But nothing. DP might get up in about hour, if not will stay asleep til children go bed. I feel like DP wasting life & some times think just loves sleep loads.
Like I said I know about the pain etc, it's just I know when DP wants to go, they can.

[HermioneWeasley]

What do you get out of this relationship? How does she enhance your life?

She sounds lazy.

[YouTheCat]

Oops sorry OP.

I have read the posts I missed.

I stand by what I have said. Leave.

[Melonbreath]

Tramadol and liquid morphine knock anyone for 6, and they are both horribly addictive. I felt awfully sick when I came off tramadol, for the reason it turned me into a zombie and I was asleep more than awake. And my back STILL hurt.
As others have said back problems go hand in hand with depression, firsthand experience here.

I'd persuade him to do physio and limit the pain killers. Maybe visit a chiropractor, they really helped me as did a pilates dvd.
These are all things he has to have the gumption to do for himself though.

And if he isn't prepared to do anything to improve the situation you need to think whether this relationship is worth it.

and if your mil pees you off just be as rude as you like to her in your own home, if she doesn't like it she know where the door is

[LimitedTime]

Some days our relationship is just perfect. But more often than not, it's draining. She is supportive of me , I'm working a dead end job & she supports my change in career. She can be so complimentary to me. Loving too, when she feels like it.
But on the flip side, she's always right. Her friends have disappeared because they can't be dealing being told how they are always wrong. How their life is shit , she even has the audacity to tell my sister she's a bad parent. My sister is the kind of parent I'd love my partner to be.
Before I met my partner, I had an amazing group of friends. She didn't like them. I now have none of them. She said it's because they took me for a mug & walked all over me.
I recently found out my sister & mum have been talking. Saying my partner is controlling me. And maybe they are right. But I obviously let it and I'm in denial.
This situation I'm in delves so much deeper than what I've said here. I'm emotionally drained, tired all the time, failed at being a proper parent & feeling sorry for myself.
I understand the medication can knock her for six. I know how it feels. I just feel that laying in bed all day every day is just wasting life away. I don't want to walk on egg shells & make the kids do the same. She wants a 'lay in' at the weekend, not til like 8 or even 9. She's talking like 11/12 o'clock. If my DD looks at her, she usually snaps "what you looking at?" To which my DD will go away.
In all these years I cannot remember laying on sofa with my DD just watching Tele. Or just messing around. My partner wanted Sky installed, but wouldn't let the kids watch it so I cancelled it.
You see? Just little picky things. That and she always puts my DD down a lot. As for her Gran, I've told her to leave my house plenty of times. I'm not scared of her like everyone else is.
I've had a hard life, I just want to be happy. But I just feel like I've nor got anything in me anymore. I feel hollow & worthless.

[YouTheCat]

She sounds abusive tbh. She's ground you down and alienated your friends and family.

She is being vile to your dd. You are not worthless. Please get some head space and think about what is best for you and your dd.

[HermioneWeasley]

What YoutheCat said.

It is a truth rarely acknowledged in our culture that women can be vile and abusive too.

Do this, for your DD if not for you.

[Koothrapanties]

Op have you name changed?

[caruthers]

LTB she's no good for you obviously.

[falulahthecat]

Just to mention - they have found some chronic back pain is caused by bacteria, which re-enters the bloodstream every time you clean your teeth etc. would you believe!
Some people have had back pain for 20+ years then had a few courses of these new antibiotics and got better!!!
It may be worth looking it up and going to the GP to make sure his back problems aren't at least in part caused by this.